Come critique and improve some character concepts

Foreword
So im both not new and new here. I signed up a while ago but only now decided to start writing here because i want to put some backbone in my characters and how they would react to certain scenarios. Im an unrecognized writer and i mainly work in fantasy esque settings. I already created an entire places with a plethora (i think 16) races that all have a unique culture (granted some may draw heavy influence from real life or other fictional cultures) and some even have unique anatomy.

The world i have created is named Jeslore and the chapter im working on right now is rather generic, ill be posting the full story down below but it's kind of similar to Avatar or Pokemon where a main cast embarks on a massive journey where along the way they become not only more competent but learn new abilities and meet a plethora of characters some more interesting than other. The setting of it is sort of high fantasy mixed with the march of gunpowder. And while the story is fairly dark and cruel with it revolving around the brutal mistreatment and slavery of a certain species i do try to lighten the mood with creative and/or generic comic relief. I try to improve upon good stories by cutting out elements i did not like and creating my own world. This story is my lifes work and i have been plotting races and story archs for over 6 years now.

Seeing how i have to make posts and do some amazingly awkward forced socializing before i can start writing i thought i'd find another way i could show off my writing. The characters i'll be posting here will be side characters in a lengthy graphic novel im working on with my lovely girlfriend. The chars here are unfinished and constructive feedback along with creative ideas and suggestions will not simply be taken into acount but may perhaps even be directly used. But that doesnt work the other way around, i would prefer that people do not use it without my consent because this is my life's work, i am planning to make a graphic novel out of this universe and characters.

Critique these
Now for what we really came her for. Some of these characters, story archs, species and pretty much anything i want to flesh out more are all in the background to deepen the world that the main characters roam. Some call me mad for putting so much thought into lore that wont even be focused on but i want a constructed world. Perhaps one day im up there with the big writers and someone like me will find enjoyment in this world and do the same as me. Regardless, these characters range from generic to unique and everything in between. And keep in mind that while i am asking for critiques that doesnt mean im putting myself in front of a firing squad. Please do stay civilized but unbiased, thank you.

Characters
Living personas ranging from part of the main cast to support characters. Given the setting i can be very creative with them as i make the rules here and they're only limited by my creativity and imagination. To make characters interesting they need deep backstories and interesting twists and quirks.

The desert ninja
I have not come up with a name for this character yet as this characters design came to my mind in a period where im very busy that still lasts until today. But i will give you the semi full story. One day at work i was doing what i was usually doing: isolating myself in my world and looking over the cast of characters to decide what can be improved, what can be cut and what can be added when i was suddenly hit with the realization that i do not have a cloaker character yet. And what i mean by cloaker is that my lore lacks a character that can turn himself invisible. This was an ability another character had but i removed because it didnt suit her personality and aproach.

Neither did i have a character that originated from the desert so i immediatly sensed an opportunity to combine these two properties. While im in real life not a huge fan of the real life ninja for their tendency to trike someone dead silently from long range with a blowpipe i do like the pop cultural ninja that can turn invisible and use an array of meelee weapons to kill a target up close. And thus the concept of the desert ninja was born. I did not decide what race i want for him yet but i want to refrain from making it an elf as i have plenty of those already. So far his design is fairly unique, it combines a stereotypical mummy with the design of a ninja armor.

And while i certainly dont just take these two concepts and smash them together like they kind of did with Soldier 76 (cantankerous soldier + sci fi) the general concept rests upon this idea. So far what i have for his design is pretty neat; It consists of mummy like wraps wrapped around the head of the character to achieve the ninja aesthetic along with more wraps wrapped around his arm from wrist to elbow. This is also where his weapon is located, taking reference from batman i think he has jagged spikes sticking out. Using these consists of punching in the face and pulling the arm back in such a way that it leaves a cut (and i do realize it sounds silly when i put it like that but english isnt my native language so bite me).

A secondary reason that i chose for a desert ninja design and not a jungle ninja design is because of an effect i want this character to have when he uses his invisibility move. Upon activation, a cloud of sand will wrap around him and shroud him. The cloud dissapears when the cloak is on so when it leaves again he is nowhere to be seen. For this reason he carries several canteens with sand so that he may use this ability outside the desert. Another ability i had in mind for him is that he could summon a soundcloud that would cover an area roughly the size of 2 trailers next to eachother. Within this cloud time is slowed down for anyone but him.

The nymph
Another character that i have no name for yet. However here it is justified as i did not plan on naming her. The nymph is supposed to be this mystical healer that a small villages calls upon to save their wounded. I have neglected this character for a while and considered removing her all together but she has her use still as the mystical plot device that some crazy village worships. I did not plan on attaching too much detail to this character given her mysterious premise. But the problem is that i never bothered to write where exactly she came from and why she decided to stay and not heal on the move. None of these things are explained very well.

Her design however is planned out already. She is supposed to look alot like a pixie with butterfly wings, clothing that looks strongly like flowers and a tendency to stay around water. For the rest there isnt more than that, i sketched her out once but abandoned the draw as i quit drawing on paper and began drawing digitally.

Orydil Herlana
Orydil is more fleshed out than the two entries above as i have used her before on rp sites. In short, she is my take on the generic psychopath cliche that was trending on Deviantart. What has always bugged me about psychopath cliches is that they never explained very well how and why they went insane, typically they just throw bullying, abuse or dead parents in there and more often than not the violence directed to these characters seems very unnecesary and little more for a reason to have a character turn out like this. Orydil however is different, i dont remember what i got her concept from but Orydil's past is not dark at all: In general she grew up without trouble, went to college and had a good life until one day.

The immortals (a small medieval band of heroes that over the thousands of years on this planet evolved into a massive military defense force) had a scientist branch that was developing some breed of super soldiers. It was close to cyborgs where part of their body would become mechanic. This expirement had a low chance of succes but had an even lower chance of any harm or complications. Orydil was a very helpfull person that was interested but not skilled at science, she volunteered and had the hardware installed into her. This hardware consisted of built in weapons for wich arms had to be removed, a metal skeleton with heavy duty titanium joints that would hardwire all the machinery together wich also significantly increase her strength and a criminal database along with a scanner installed in the head and retina.

However, this expirement turned out very different than expected. It was hard to make adjustments to the software once installed and through a malfunction in the software, recognizing anyone with a crime record would trigger the software to take control of the body wich caused her to kill a man that was guilty of petty theft. She was arrested and the research team tried to install a firmware update to keep the machinery from taking control of her body (keep in mind that this is in a sci fi setting where such tech is possible).

This firmware however only made things work. It isolated Orydil's conscious awarenes from the machine skeleton so while she still had control over the muscles, organs and whatnot of her body, the skeleton struggled against her each time a criminal was recognized. And this is why she is my take on the psychopath cliche. She has very specific things that trigger her to become violent towards certain group and when that happens she has to body mentally and physically combat the AI inside of her. However, there are a few problems with this, she has no reason yet to not go back and just have the scientists fix it. And most importantly i wanted this fight to be more mental as this mechanical skeleton could possibly rip through her skin. I will not be needing this character any time soon however so there is plenty of time.

GYZ-607
GYZ-607 is more of a comic relief character and you will soon notice that he is ment to directly pay omage to invader zim as he has similar antics and design. GYZ is a Cykx wich is an alien humanoid species that has a bitter resentment to humans. Why? For now i had in mind that a rogue military vessel blew their planet up and destroyed their formerly peacefull civilization. Bitter and angry at the cruelty of man they relocated far away from them. No one has heard from them since but one thing is known, they have been putting alot of effort in their military technology. Their navy named the P.I.F (wich stands for planetary invasion force for now) works indeed very similar to the Irken empire from the amazing show invader zim.

I will be asking critiques on species, organizations and storyarchs later so i will not dwell on the species yet. GYZ's concept is simlar to ZIM where he is a defective that has been rejected by his own species and has been sent away from their planet to 'scout ahead' He was given a laser rifle and a second rate ship and was spewed off the planet. He invetably crashed on Jeslore during the medieval period. Armed with a laser rifle and advanced equipment he had a significant edge over the original inhabitants of Jeslore. There was but one problem however, he was alone on a planet that would become hostile to him if he began a hostile takeover.

After joining the immortals (who are the main cast and the 'good guys') as part of his undercover mission he eventually began to grow to the people of Jeslore. GYZ-607 is the main reason that the immortals could become so powerfull so fast and while it still took many years for the first modern gun to see the light of day. Laser rifles were created in merely 3000 years thanks to GYZ. Im not sure what to do with him really, he could be a good comic relief but i've no idea where and how to insert him into the story, in addition his apearance is kind of weak and it needs more flavour.

Evelyn Syvera
Evelyn is a more tragic character and while she currently is a comic relief with her witty answers and over the top violent remarks, the tragedy llies in her backstory. In Chay'vron (an elven continent) there has been war for years against oppressive and cruel renegade empire that was allied with many orcish tribes that were equally cruel as well as a human empire that has only eye for the money offered and not for the suffering they caused. The other side of the war consisted of every other species of elf along with more peacefull orcish tribe and a few tribes of dracholmian ogres who were gentle giants.

In the war against these forces, the more innocent and peacefull species were losing the war. Survivors, including innocent civilians would be captured and enslaved wich is supposed to be the worst faith on dracholm. While the humans think they're of lower worth than them, the other races had an intense hatred for them because of religious reasons and actively abuse and torture their servants. One such servant was Evelyn, a former knight that was caught alone by an attack force and taken prisoner. For years she had to endure the treatment that these slavers condemned her to.

After roughly 50 years the chains that she was kept in were worn out enough to be pulled out of the wall. When the time was right she ripped them right out and used them to strangle her owner. In 50 years little has changed except a larger amount of slaves being available as the 'slave species' has been pushed back even further. The years of abuse have definetly taken their toll on her and while such treatment varies heavily from elf to elf, Evelyn ended up as a demented psychopath/retard. She became considerable less disciplined and dangerous. While she didnt get any triggers that cause her to direct violence towards a target she is now utterly unpredictable.
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Species
Some species i have written up but not yet fully made up my mind over. In this lore i think i stated somewhere i have something around 16 species but i was wrong. I will now give a list of each species i have, including subspecies: Linnesian humans, Sun elves, Wood elves, Renegade elves, Shadow elves, Light elves, both fresh and salt water variants of Water elves (wich are closer to mermaids), Merfolk, Harpies, Driders, Centaurs, Dracholmian ogres, Western orcs, Eastern orcs, Bylian dwarves, Gloomshade fiends, Riftian giants, Mifys, Bylian goblins, The vanguard, Vanguard angels, Zartor demons, Skamach demons, Viazun demons, Valxun demons, Phantoms, Elder guardians, Cykx, Children of the fire, Nomadic elves, Treants, Nymphs, pixies, fairies, genies, Minor AI controlled robots, A.A.A.E (Adiministratively Authorized All Encompassing) AI controlled machinery, Mutt species (halfbred species), Frostspike templars, South western colonist humans, Demon lords, Snake people and a plethora of plant people. And these are only sentient humanoid species... Most of these have a unique culture of some sort but im not sure about all of them. I will be posting some of them here.

Syiin Illith (Dracholmian sun elf)
The Syiin Illith (wich translates to 'sun elf' in the elven language) are the species that have been victimized the most in the lore of my world; This is mostly because they are technically immortals and cannot die of old age, while this means they are superior to other races in a way, other cultures interpreted this and their general pacifism in a way that they should be slaves that can serve forever. I once submitted a species app for them with their main abilities and there i stated that beauty, stealth, speed and intelligence were their main draws at the cost of magic, defense, blood loss that can easily kill them and the fact they all form stron emotional bonds wich can really backfire. But i had to add a bunch of bullsh#t weaknesses to make them balanced wich i of course had no trouble with in the long end and i dont like being restricted on my writing but im drifting. The world i created for my characters worked like this: The species on the planet came into existance in a way similar to a big bang so im choosing the scientific route to the creation of my planet. However, gods do exist but they were creatures that hailed from another planet far away. This planet was destroyed through unexplained reasons and these creatures try to 'guide' less intelligent species by giving them religion and a means to organize (i do hope i dont step on any religious toes by stating it this way). These gods are not equal in power and they get their power by how fanatic their subjects worship them while keeping themselves as distant as possible.

With that out of the way (and their post coming up) we now have the gods. These gods all chose a species to guide and gave them the abilities that sets these species apart (so before the gods came to jeslore, every species was the same in terms of abilities). But, these gods did not always get along, some gods were cruel and evil while others were kind and forgiving. Illinea, the god of the sun elves loved the species she chose with all of her hearth and the sun elves loved her right back, resulting in her becoming very powerfull and the species getting the gift of immortality. However, another god called Kragen loved Illinea and asked to marry her, she refused and Kragen became bitter and evil. His species: the A'vren Illith (or renegade elves) were a species of ruthless, cruel elves and out of spite from his denial Kragen created a ritual for his species to perform. What they would have to do was to kidnap Illinea's champion, summon a creature using the absorption blade wich was an artifact that Kragen would send to earth and sacrifice this champion to the creature. When the blood of the Sun elven champion would color the jaw of the beast the one holding the blade would recieve incredible powers. Regardless, this was a ritual that was rather obscure and hardly ever performed and over the years this process has faded into obscurity...

Now skip to the part where they become actually victimized and significant to the lore. Years later the renegade elves would have established a fascist, very right, expansionist empire that had little regard for ethical activities. They threw an entire continent into chaos simply by expanding their empire. They were ruthless, cruel and nigh unstoppable... They wanted the elven continent Chey'nan for themselves. They were allied with an equally evil orcish tribe and a human empire that has succumbed to greed and treachery. They indiscriminatly attacked elven settlements and waged war against the other elves of Chey'nan. The sun elves were not in this war however. They were oblivious to the war as they lived on a large island quite a distance away from the Chey'nan mainland. One day though they would recieve a distress message from the mainland wich would prompt them to join forces with the victimized elves. However, they did not really have an army and were forced to build one before setting out. They did eventually get an army with a unique and skillfull type of ranger that wielded some very specific weaponry but it was futile, by the time they set foot on Chey'nan the fate of the elves was already decided and they quickly lost Chey'nan... The renegades would find their way to the sun elven home named the sunset isles and soon they too would be subjected to becoming slaves of these 3 empires, truly a faith worse then death...

At the time, the renegades chose a more complex and easy aproach to taking over this island through infiltration and deception. Through a long process of deception and political exploit of the sun elven monarchy based political systems a place as king for an associate was secured. He would go one to raise the daughter of the original king (Sylvia Roothearth who would later become subject to slavery herself before escaping, becoming an immortal and provoking the war that would bring justice back to the sunset isles) who he eventually would bond with and care for. However, that did not stop him from allowing unspeakable cruelty and injustice to plague the sunset isles. It would take up to 7 years for the humans to take actions and take back the lands. During these 7 years almost 2 million sun elves would have died due to the brutal treatment, daily beating and torture and the poor living conditions. The ones that were saved from the empire (there were large numbers of sun elves living elsewhere already) would only be two-third of the original population of the island. Many would have missing fingers, ears or gruesome scars. Most of them would never be the same again until they began to repopulate. The culture would change very much too as the elves began to expand their armies and began caring more for the defense of their island. Also, slavery would be a permamently hated thing amongst sun elves and it would shape the future of their species and Jeslore as a whole.

The properties of the sun elves are peculiar as well. During the time of the slavery of this species it was discovered that their blood was quite different than that of other species. It seemed to have healing and refreshing powers (wich led to them being degraded to cattle). On top of that they have a natural spell resting on them, a spell that automatically charms animals and lets them override any training an animal may have had, allowing them to turn trained animals against the trainer without even having to try. While they werent the only one to have this ability it was interesting just that they had it. Their culture was heavily religious until it was outlawed by the invading species, later on the religious agenda took a sidestep and they began caring for their own more rather than their god. Other sun elves that have migrated long before ended up settling in the loftwoods of dracholm along with the native wood elves.

Mifys
Mifys were a pet project of me and my girlfriend. It's a demonic race of adorable fluffy creatures that are akin to succubi but dont use sexual arousal to lure their prey. We based these creatures completely off an oc of hers from many years ago and created a race out of it. Mifys are fairly hive minded and can telepathically communicate and recieve orders from a demi god like creature called the Mifyty wich is supposed to be their leader. The Mifyty looks no different than her subjects apart from a difference in fashion sense. Mifys have short grey fur, large red eyes and short but sharp fangs. They are rather short in stature and not terribly powerfull in terms of physical strength. While the mifys are adorable in apearance and in the lore are rather harmless they have rather dark abilities. For one, Mifys tend to practice black magic, specifically necromancy and witchery wich they can effectively use in combat. Magic is their primary means of defense and an aggravated mify with is quite a dangerous opponent. Their choice of armament though is not quite what makes them so disturbing, it's rather what happens when a mify manages to kill her target. When a mify defeats a targets and takes their life, the spell they use curses the soul of their opponent wich forces the soul to take on a physical form. What they do with the soul varies very much and typically depends on the situation. If they are wounded they will devour it to heal, revitalize and replenish their power level wich allows for stronger magic spells and otherwise they will use it in nepharious magical rituals and processes.

Mifys do not reproduce but respawn. A mify cannot truly die but they simply return to the hellish plane that spawned them wich is inhabited by mifys and the people the mifys invited to live amongst them. The mify plane is a mixture of different time periods smashed together. Computers are a thing here but so are horse carriages still. This plane is inhabited by the full mify population wich is 100% female. Mifys can only leave their hellish planes under certain conditions: When their power level is above 75% to allow them to defend themselves in the harsh world or when they get banished. A banished mify will dissapear from existance and disintegrate when defeated rather than simply respawning. For a mify, obeying the Mifyty is always the highest priority, even if obeying would put them in harms way. Their military group wich has no name functions very similarly to a beehive but with a telepathic connection to the Mifyty to allow for new orders being sent between planes. The mifys are both the most innocent and sinister species on Jeslore. Because of their cute antics, adorable high voice and sweet personality it is easy to forget that these creatures can easily devour one's soul, maul them with scythes that they prefer to carry in combat, are quite possibly the only creatures capable of permamently destroying higher forms of existance thanks to their soul devouring ability and that the death they deliver is the most agonizing sensation any organism can feel...

Aqui Illith (Water elves Also known as mermorons)​