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Okay so a few things. First of paladin is fine but having the honorific Sir isn't unless he was knighted by some noble (King or Queen usually.) You should expand on the story about his parents and his foster parent. Other than that this is quite good.

Never be afraid to make something long if it means you will be better understood. :)

You didn't make that clear in your synopsis. If you had I wouldn't have stated it. Don't think I'm picking on you or anything. My goal is to help you make your statement clear. In doing so you have made yourself clearer. To me it came across that they were working on the same project even if...

These two characters aren't against each other it seems there fore stating one to be the protagonist and the other antagonist is incorrect. Protagonist is the main character while antagonist is the main person who works against them. For example, Superman is a protagonist while Lex Luther is his...

She does end up going quite far. And thank you very much.

Rhiannon is a vampire of my own creation who exists in a realm not too different from our own. She lived around 5,000 years ago and was created by Cain himself. The vampire was originally a human girl who lived in a range of unknown mountains with her tribe. Her parents were the clergy of the...

As some one who has been an active roleplayer for many years on other sites the biggest things that stands out for me is simple. Don't be afraid to be a little picky when it comes to roleplay partners. Give every one a trial run but never be afraid to say what you are looking for. I would...

When creating a character you should know the setting and how you entend that character to be used. For example, "R" is a vampire made for an open enviroment. While "X" is made for a ninja setting. Also don't just create a character because you are bored with your current one --I have done this...