Amatsu's Poetry - Dramatic, Vivid, and Philosophical

AmatsuOtaku

AmatsuOtaku

Professional fanboy
Here I'll post some poems I wrote because I have nowhere else to share them. Some are short and some are long. Some are dramatic and others are cute and lighthearted. I write for a wide range of genres and moods, but my style should be recognizable in some of my more serious poems.

Disclaimer; Some poems deal with themes or present imagery that some may find disturbing. My poems are in no way promoting violence etc. If you feel as if one of the poems listed here influences your thoughts negatively, or that you personally relate to stories dealing with depression etc, please tell me and/or seek help. I'm just looking out for my fellow users :)

Edit: Just realized some of these are REALLY dark, I hope nobody's offended by this or anything. Poems that contain themes that may be disturbing will now contain a disclaimer before the poem.
 
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Illusionist

No matter how grey her morals may be,
None can compare with her uncertain personality.
Thus she wavers in and out of goodness,
Darkness, every medium and position in between.
Controversy strikes an interest, a flame
In the heart that will not be tamed
Until each secret is routinely uncovered,
Exposed, the facade of a twisted liar.

The sky, though blue, appears as grey,
The world monochrome through those eyes
Filled with nostalgia, longing for days long past
Until the color of love bursts forth at last.
The empty void unable to be filled,
Abysmal despair finally sees change,
Although the light of happiness is drawn in and
Lost within a black hole.

A torn-out sheet of notebook paper
Splattered with ink, indecipherable
Still displays a message
to those who can understand it,
The white pages of innocence
Smeared, stained with corruption
Is the chaos inside her mind as she fights
For control of her own life.

Education → Re-education → Forgetting
A never-ending cycle, always returning
To the black, empty void of sleep
Where there remains one single dream.

The illusion of happiness carries on,
A delusion, a fantasy all inside her mind.
“Were you thinking with your head or your heart?”
She smiles
With tears in her eyes
And says,
“I wasn’t thinking at all.”
 
If Not For You
Disclaimer: Contains darker themes related to; depression, anxiety. This is a slightly censored version of my original poem (some lines have been deleted or changed). Some interpretations may be darker than others, and I am not responsible for how you personally interpret this poem. If you find you genuinely relate to the thoughts presented here, please seek help or talk to someone you trust.
This is not a direct representation of the author, but rather a personification of the difficulties some people face every day.

I’d lost all hope. I hated life.
I wanted to stop existing but didn’t really want to die.
Living in a world of people with empty or overflowing hearts
Made it so some of us in between got no love.

But then there was one person who was different from the rest.
They saw the pain and loneliness I hid behind a smiling mask.
But instead of telling me to give up or pretend I was happy,
They made me smile, they made me laugh, they helped me to forget the pain.

That someone found a broken girl who’d been repeatedly thrown away.
They figured out her secrets and discovered how to make her day.
They gently told her she’s alright and held her in their arms,
Oblivious to what chaos was about to start.

I’d given up on hoping for brighter days ahead.
I spent the day doing nothing then the night crying in bed.
Walking past the kitchen, thoughts chaotic and vague
Thinking ‘it’d be so easy’

A scrape, a cut, a wound, a scar
Blocking it all out with my headphones on
Trying not to cry in front of everyone
Writing ‘it’d be so easy’

Imagining my heart stopped
Standing on the rooftop
Saying ‘it’d be so easy’

Imagining your sad face and your hand in mine
Struggling desperately not to cry
Wishing I was stronger inside
Crying ‘it’d be so easy’

Feeling empty every day
While unable to ignore the pain
Getting in a fight again
Screaming ‘it’d be so easy!’

Repeating “I love you” until it becomes redundant
Trying not to crumble as my heartbeat refuses to stop
Hating how you make me feel happy just to disappear again
It’d be so easy.

A thousand visions fill my head
Of impossible futures with us together.
If not for you, it’d be so easy.

But you make it hard to feel that way.
You make it hard to allow this pain
To fill me up as you replace it with love.
You’re making it so hard.

Impulses I can’t act on, it’s so frustrating
But if I can hold your hand I’ll be happy.
Nope, that’s a lie, I don’t know when I’ll be…

It’d be so easy if you didn’t love me.
 
There's another poem I wanted to post here similar to the previous but I don't want to have to censor half the poem lol sorry
 
Paths
Disclaimer: This can be interpreted in different ways, some darker than others.
Note: This poem contains an extended metaphor. Can you figure out what for?

If I’m headed down a bad path,
it’s not because I choose to do so.
It’s because someone
is standing
between myself and the better path,
someone I dare not face
and dare not pass,
for the risk of them driving me down
a third, most undesirable path
ending in barred windows
and the deepest regret.

Someone I dislike,
someone I despise
is a permanent part
of my life.
I can’t ignore them,
can’t get rid of them,
can’t even show dissatisfaction towards them.
Because they have a guardian
who is also mine,
who says they have no favorite
yet always takes their side.
And I can’t give up
because they’d cry.
And I still care
even though I
always
lie.

The truth?
Wouldn’t you rather
live through something bad
instead of live through something worse?
That’s the choice I’m faced with,
day after day.
The bad path
or the worse path?
It’s an easy choice,
isn’t it?

But it isn’t easy at all.
 
Inside My Head
Disclaimer: This might literally be the most disturbing thing I'll post here. This poem contains themes related to; depression, anxiety, emotional impairment, self-destructive habits. Viewer discretion is advised.
Some interpretations may be darker than others, and I am not responsible for how you personally interpret this poem. If you find you genuinely relate to the thoughts presented here, please seek help or talk to someone you trust.
This poem is a personification of; Depression. This is a heavily censored version of my original poem (stanzas and lines omitted or changed).

Wishing to unsee the things I've seen, and
Unhear the songs that get stuck in my head playing relentlessly,
Wishing to unwind the past few years of my life
Or go all the way and unravel myself completely.

A lost girl, a blank slate,
a grey monochrome sky again today.
“I hate this” I whisper to myself
even my head goes beneath the water, the words drowned.
My tears dissipate in the water leaving nothing but blank red eyes.
Midnight? 3 AM? I’ve lost track of time.
I can’t sleep, I’m too afraid. Give me a happy dream for once?
I sing quietly, the words feeble and useless like a bubble.

Even the warmth of the sun brings no comfort.
Visions dance, screaming, burning in my own fire.
An innocent girl turned to a blank-faced liar.
My world goes up in smoke but I’m the one holding the lighter.

I want it to end, but I don’t want to say goodbye.
I want tomorrow to hurry up and come but I don’t want to close my eyes.
I want to rewind and find where my life went awry.
When did it become you and I, together forever?

Want to scream, want to cry,
To simply disappear like an apparition in the blink of an eye.
I want it to end, the pain and sorrow on repeat in this purgatory
But I can’t hurt you, can’t find the strength.

But even if I could fade away painlessly,
I can’t make you forget me.

An upside-down map, lost in nothingness.
I close my eyes and drown in the darkness.
“I want this to end” I whisper to myself.
No one can hear me crying for help.
My tears fall endlessly without any sign of stopping.
Midnight? 3 AM? I’ve lost track of time.
I can’t sleep, I’m too afraid.
Please don’t show me a nightmare.

Wandering sometime in the middle of the winter night
Wouldn’t you? You’d cry if I...?
But even now it becomes hard to breathe.
Lingering on a happy moment, how could I say those things?

People joke about it, wanting to die or disappear or forget,
But they don’t understand, it’s more than simple regret.
This pain latches onto you. It stays with you forever.
No matter how hard you try you can’t dull it, can’t get rid of it.

I sink deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper!
Into a vast sea of memories and I can't escape.
If I were to forget, would the whole sea be drained?
Or would I keep drifting forever as long as you recognize this as “me?”

A love note in bright red ink.
The mirror lies, that person isn’t me.
“Where is she?!” I whisper, I cry, and I scream.
Drowning in my own desire - is this happy?
My tears stop suddenly with a revelation.
Midnight? Sometime around 3 AM?
I can’t sleep, the fear creeping in and gripping my heart,
Darkness seeping in through the cracks of the door.

Ah, I want to cry, want to scream!
Will I be trapped inside this dream eternally?
If so, do I even want to wake up?
I want to close my eyes and fall asleep forever,
But not if you’d lament over knowing you couldn’t save me this time!
“A little bit longer, a little bit longer, I can hold on… “
I’ve lost my grip and I’m falling.

What did I do to deserve this?
An endless cycle through my thoughts and visions,
In the middle of the night, the entity known as Death
Knocks on my window and I turn him away again.

I have to smile, have to pretend everything is okay for her.
Even if laughing it off just hurts even more.

“I’m OK! (I’m broken)”
“Is that so? That so?”
“One more time!” “No more…”
...Keep me trapped in this life forever?

The seconds tick by, wasted without you.
No productivity left, blank schedule.
Motivation? What motivation? I have none anymore.
I don’t care about the future because I can’t imagine myself having one.
There’s nothing ahead of me but a black void,
A chasm of emptiness waiting to swallow me up.
But as long as I have my voice I can keep singing
Even if I have no reason to.

Love is dangerous, you know. The most dangerous game
That most of us play without really knowing.
 
Between Heaven and Hell
This is one of my earlier works so it's not great

When I fell, I fell hard.
From heaven’s glory to this wasteland “earth”
I plummeted down in a torrent of flame
singing the feathers of my wings.

Halo knocked askew and broken,
I lie upon the bare ground, motionless.
The flame gone out, in complete darkness
a fallen angel wept.

Up from the earth arose a light,
blazing radiance against the night,
a welcome warmth in freezing cold
a “demon” consoles the angel.

A “demon” with a heart of gold,
a shining star misunderstood,
a boy who always doubts himself,
but you, my love, are too an angel.

Only one who’s been through hell.
 
Past x Future

I live today to make up for yesterday
I look to the future to earn back yesteryear
Overmorrow I'll have taken back one day
While losing yet another in this desperate cycle.

I smile today to make up for the tears of yesterday
I make new memories to replace those I've lost
Next year I'll have fulfilled another year of broken memories
Even so, events of years ago replay and I repeatedly fall in love

Cupid's arrow missed me countless times in years long gone
The clock keeps ticking faster and I lose faith in "tomorrow"
So this year I'll fall infinitely, hopelessly in love
To balance out the pain and joy back to equilibrium

I sing at length to replace the heavy moments of silence
Weighing down on my heart, creaking and aching
The song I sing keeps my machine-like heart running smoothly
Even if my soul falls over and rusts in exchange

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't tomorrow.
It is the day everything balances out and starts anew.
I live today because tomorrow is uncertain
And the past is an unfortunate truth.
 
Lyrics of my Life

Music is one of my lifelines.
The melody and lyrics can describe
The way I feel at any time
So let’s look at some that define “me”.

“One more time? One more time?
Please let me go on for just one more day,”
Says a lonely girl, lonely girl,
trying as she might just to give the words a meaning! (-Rolling Girl)

I guess this is- you could say this is happy?
Repeating the same few seconds, ‘round and ‘round again.
I noticed- Does this mean I’m lucky?
Strange, I’m not seeing any reward.

Sounds only piling up on each other
With no ending, no beginning to be seen.
In other words, it’s pointless!
Right then, I’ll be stepping off right away… (-Unhappy Refrain)

There's nothing left, no, nothing left, I severed everything I had
Everything that made me who I am is just a broken seam
I've nothing left, no, nothing left, I was thrown out and left alone
With nothing to go back to, no place to call a home! (-Tokyo Teddy Bear)

And now for some originals to really bring to light
The struggles that I have and the reason I still fight.
In my own words I hope I can tell you what I feel..

Another flimsy page, bend me till I break
Cutting and tearing away at me
Caught in between a lie and truth
Like scissor blades, cut life in two!

What difference does it make to choose?
No really, what have you to lose?
Just the sum of what people think of you
So I’m disposable? (-Paper doll)

This is my story
Maybe I don't want a happy ending!
After all, my heart became the embodiment of darkness
So I don't need happiness anymore

I'd rather live without emotions
I won’t cry again for you
Mirror shattered, cascade of glass
A love letter torn in half (-Emotionless)

Though the lyrics that make up my life are sad,
I hope there is a better future ahead.


Songs referenced; Rolling Girl (Wowaka), Unhappy Refrain (Wowaka), Tokyo Teddy Bear (Neru), Paper Doll (Me), Kanjou Nashi/Emotionless (Me)
Original poem also featured; Shinitai-chan (Switch)
 
Family
This is from the perspective of someone who feels-... who am I kidding, it's about me. This is from my POV talking directly to someone else.

You’ve watched her grow and change.
So you know how she feels about everything,
right?
You’ve seen her smile,
you’ve seen her cry,
so you know her.
But really, you don’t know her at all
and what
she hides
behind
her smile.

In the community jigsaw puzzle,
everyone has a place.
Everyone fits in somewhere.
She may not know where she fits,
but she knows for sure
that here isn’t it.
Yet she tries to fit in.

If given the choice between two lives,
to live without you is what she’d prefer.
Her identity is no longer associated
with you.
Your words mean no more
than the words of an entitled stranger
to her.

You’ve alienated her,
and now she identifies more
with extraterrestrial life,
the other so-called “aliens”
and figments of imagination,
since imagination’s all she’s left with.

Echoes of the cries for help,
heard not by you, but somebody else
resonate within her actions,
pleading
to return to her only sanctuary
you always
try
to take away.

So their regret, then, would be
not saying goodbye to me
when I was still listening
for the words of my
family.

When I still
had
a family,
and not just a group of people
related to me
by blood.

When they encouraged me
To fly
Before they burned
Off my wings
and cast me
Into hell.
 
The War Against Love
Disclaimer; contains references to; a lot of weapons, war.

Trouble's been brewing down by the front lines.
What move will the enemy make this time?
Anything could happen this early in the fight.
"Send another thousand soldiers there tonight."

A meeting to discuss a strategy,
every person should attend regardless of rank.
Remember the objective in this capture-the-flag game,
our mission is to retrieve the Queen.

Not too long ago, this battle was described
as an epic conquest for glory in this night.
No matter how this plays out, we'll stand our ground and fight,
there's no prediction that could be completely right.

Seeing only the clouds and none of the rain,
every advantage and chance they could take.
As a side quest, hoping to destroy hypocrisy
and lead a new age of self-discovery and honesty.

A noble cause, but what should we do?
Of course we have weapons, but the enemy does, too.
"Shall we have preparations made to begin phase two?"
"You have my orders, have it completed soon."

“I love you…”

Ascending to a new stage, pushing the limit,
break down the barricade blocking you from my view!
Hit the ground hard but get back up and continue on,
my face a mess of dirt, sweat, and blood.

As always, rain falls upon the battlefield.
Bullets spark and bounce off my shield.
Pushing forward, eternally marching onward,
I will reach you through the crossfire!

Pull the pin from a hand grenade and watch it blow,
light the flash-bang and set sparks flying!
Smoke and ashes cover up the sky like dark clouds;
from the fire consuming us, there is no safe ground.

A one-man army, adjusting my strategy;
Shoot, retreat, reload, repeat.
Running out of grenades,
getting closer to the endgame!

Determined to win, climb into a tank.
Destroy the enemy from within their own ranks.
Lock you away in a secret bunker,
now you’re my prisoner of war.

An ocean assault? Into the depths!
Bombs bursting in the distance,
a mushroom cloud of death.
The submarine’s wall cracks.

On the boundary between tonight and tomorrow,
let us reconnect and banish this sorrow.
Time to end this fight that’s dragged on far too long,
the final, desperate war against Love.
 
I know I've been spam-posting on here today, that's all for now. I posted every (good) poem I've written at the moment.
 
Now it's time for a lyric comparison!

I discovered my song Viral Contagion 2-14 - The Valentine's Day Virus is very similar to an existing song, Neru's "Byoumei wa ai datta", which is The Disease Called Love in English. (Technically it translates to "The name of the disease is love" but whatever, that's the official English title)
The two songs have very similar themes, but are very different genres and structures etc. so I might as well compare them.

Here are some segments from Viral Contagion 2-14;

You've got all the symptoms of a common disease
It’s incurable, unavoidable, unpredictable...

If you wanna know a little bit more about contagion 2-14
It’s a virus that eats away at your heart unrelentlessly
You feel the pain before the rest
You feel the pain before numbness
Really, this is for the best!

Living, unfeeling, just knowing, not seeing
Wanting, but hating, trying hard but cheating
Growing, fighting, trying to deny it
The sickness, the weakness, contagion 2-14


And now some segments from The Disease Called Love (NOT MINE!!)

The patients don't know how to live yet
and lie in bed due to an unknown illness;
"a fever was the cause of death" ...

This disease is called love.

Bewitched by a sordid dream,
this sick habit torments me.
Feeling faint and breathless from my "love"
I'm binded by the moment of death.


Both mention and focus on an illness known as "love" that turns out to be fatal. Contagion 2-14 is from the perspective of a nurse, but The Disease Called Love is in third person and focused on the patients' struggle to survive.
 
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Heyyyyy guys I'm back into the poetry writing game and I've got another original for y'all!!! Also it's 2 AM so YEAH
As it is with a lot of my poetry, the imagery and themes are very fluid and progress throughout the story. They don't change, they flow smoothly as connections are formed with relevant points. That being said, the beginning of the poem will often be very different from the ending in terms of mood or descriptive language.

The Road to Solitude

So many times I’ve reached a dead end
or ended up at the bottom of a cul-de-sac,
but every time you were there to take my hand
and show me a new road around the bend.
I stood on a street corner and looked both ways.
Either direction seemed to lead into nothingness.
At the intersection of love and hate,
a car flies by me, again a near miss.

The street signs blur and grow warped,
not that I could read them in the first place.
Where am I now? In the middle of a road
with no streetlights on to light my way.
A car approaches from behind with their high beams on,
and a kind stranger leans out of the window.
They ask me if I’ve gotten lost
somewhere along this endless, empty road.

I answer “yes” to the wind, a faint sigh
echoing throughout this desolate land,
but the car and driver vanished before my eyes,
taking the warmth of the headlights with them.
Still, I keep walking, determined not to disappear.
This road is a place of isolation, after all.
Only those weary travellers with nothing to fear
are unfortunate enough for this fate to befall.

Do I truly have nothing to fear
in the face of Death, if he were to approach me?
How long have I been stranded here,
blindly following this road laid out before me?
Something appears in the distance, a beacon of hope.
A street sign, - leaning, but still intact -
beckons to me, and to it I run,
hoping and praying to find my way back.

The words are barely legible, the sign worse for the wear.
I try to focus and decipher it.
This fork in the road of what fate you shall bear
is the crossroads between Hell and Heaven.
The gates to Heaven are locked up tight,
but the gates to Hell still stand wide open.
I walk past the two, off into the night.
I travel the path less taken.
 
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