Can people change?

This reminds me of a book I finished. It's called "The First Stone". It's about this guy who messes up everything for this girl, but they don't really recognize each other, so they kinda become friends. Maybe you should give that a read, it could help.

And yes, I do believe people can change, but it can be tricky. If they don't meet up to expectations, they might need some extra help.
Forgiveness is also possible, but that can be tricky too. Imagine, some guy named Stylosis Mitosis bullied you in school. Now imagine meeting him in the future, he's really nice. He apologizes for what he did to you back then. You remember the unforgettable memories, and you don't know what to say. He did some messed up stuff. Understandably, it is hard to forgive him.

In the end, it's all up to you.
 
I think that a person can change if they are willing to do it for a cause that may benefit them and all the while they are dedicated in their attempts to do so. You can't just say that you will try to change who you are or what sort of habits you have. As long as you are willing to put in the time to condition this change into your everyday life then you may just be running in circles trying to do so.
 
As a budding misanthropist, no I don't think people can change. At least as much as others think.

Once someone rubs me the wrong way or screws me over, I cut them off completely and flat-out stop speaking to them. It's not my job to tell people about their shitty behavior. Ain't nobody got time for that!
 
• People can change to an extent... But it's hard. Like, very hard. Unless it's a child growing up, people rarely change a lot.
 
I believe people can change. Take mental health, for example, the patients have to change how they think and perceive things due to their illness. Now, that raises the question of whether you're looking for mental or physical change. One example of both happening is a baby growing up. Their bodies are changing as they grow and go through puberty, and they're mentally growing as a human and a sentient being. If you compare the mentality of a five year old to a 20 year old you would see a difference, most of the time.

I feel as if change happens over a period of time rather than in one moment, and a lot of the time you don't realize it's happening until you see that person again and realize how much they've changed. Same goes for yourself. If you compare yourself to 10 years ago you would possibly notice how much you change.

I personally believe that everyone changes whether they like to or not. They simply can't help it. The environment is partially to blame. Animals naturally change their behavior in order to adapt to their environment. They also respond to experiences and trauma. Significant experiences will most definitely change a person's opinion and view of whether they liked that experience or something similar. It would create an open minded or close minded person. I'm arguing mostly for the small changes people experience that most others don't realize.

Big changes in people are hard to come by unless you've known this person for years, but I think everyone goes through a big change at least once in their lifetime.
 
I have mixed feelings on whether people can change or not based on my experience with my father. When I was little, he used to never really pay attention to my brother and I, and would only ever invite us over when he all of a sudden remembered he had kids and missed us. A few years ago, he met this girl and they dated for almost 4 years. Over that time, he invited us over more often, but I think that was just because he was using us to get closer with her kid-loving family. He wanted us over a lot and he invited us to more things that her family did, but the more I think about it, the only times he ever invited us over was when her family was doing something. They broke up recently and I had worries that he would go back to how he used to be; dating multiple women, moving in with them, smoking all the time, etc., and I kept thinking "no, that's not going to happen" until I recently heard just a few days ago that while he was still living in this girl's house, going through the moving out process, he went out with another girl he met on a dating website one night. Really, the whole topic of whether people can change or not sketches me out because of this. I thought my dad changed, but he really didn't at all. It makes me wonder if anyone else can change.
 
Night ও said:
I have mixed feelings on whether people can change or not based on my experience with my father. When I was little, he used to never really pay attention to my brother and I, and would only ever invite us over when he all of a sudden remembered he had kids and missed us. A few years ago, he met this girl and they dated for almost 4 years. Over that time, he invited us over more often, but I think that was just because he was using us to get closer with her kid-loving family. He wanted us over a lot and he invited us to more things that her family did, but the more I think about it, the only times he ever invited us over was when her family was doing something. They broke up recently and I had worries that he would go back to how he used to be; dating multiple women, moving in with them, smoking all the time, etc., and I kept thinking "no, that's not going to happen" until I recently heard just a few days ago that while he was still living in this girl's house, going through the moving out process, he went out with another girl he met on a dating website one night. Really, the whole topic of whether people can change or not sketches me out because of this. I thought my dad changed, but he really didn't at all. It makes me wonder if anyone else can change.
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50vOThz.gif


You need some happy dinosaurs in your life.

As for this, I won't get into my usual diatribes about the human condition. You deserve empathy, not a lesson.

That being said, I only ask that you not judge all with the same brush of experience that you use with your father. Human beings are far too complicated to be summarized by a singular thought or idea. Some will hurt you, some will help you, and most will slip right on past you.

You clearly deserve better than your father. If there is one thing you should take away from this response, it should be that--for whatever little it is worth.
 
@Nilum Thank you for the dinosaurs, they are very cute and I want them in my life forever. I agree that I shouldn't use my experience with my dad to show that no one else can change, either. I do have mixed feelings on the topic of whether people can change. There are a lot of people out in the world and I think the only place I have been able to see if people change or not is him.
Thank you for your reply.
 
Nilum said:
Yes, people can change. As for "how long", I find that's typically the wrong way to approach it. As though you should just put a person in a timed corner and go "come out when you're done, and you will magically be changed!" Not how it works.

Change requires effort. It requires some measure of empathy, and humility, and to a certain extent, even intelligence. It takes time, but the "time" quotient varies from person to person. Some will change simply because they have the willpower to do it overnight. Some take days, some take weeks, some take months or years, and some never change because they cannot resist their own nature.

The key is that you don't believe them. Don't believe anyone simply because they say something. It costs nothing but a few breaths to whisper whatever empty promise you want to. Instead, trust people who have proven to care about you. Trust people willing to question you, who stand by you when you are hurt, who sacrifice time and energy to be kind to you.

Trust someone only to be themselves, and nothing more. Forgive those who hurt you, because hatred is merely consuming poison and expecting the other person to die.

Beyond that? Well...

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” -John F. Kennedy.
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Nothing left for me to share after this superbly and intelligently expressed view of truth as well as sound reasoning.
Kudos!
 
Machina Somnium said:
I completely disagree there. They will get bolder for a while but sooner or later they will get bored. People confront others to get a reaction, if they get you worked up and you hit them, what usually gives proof that you hit them and none that they provoked you, making you the "bad" guy who reacted badly in the public's eyes, it only means that while they might not confront you directly in the case that they become afraid of you, they will continue to mock you and things will most likely just escalate.
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"People confront others to get a reaction"
So true! But of course there are times when we must stand up to the bully....having been the victim of bullying during the middle school years, I know the torment of being (Physically bullied) as well as the emotional torment that comes along with it. At the time I was not (Physically or mentally) strong enough to (Ignore) my attacker.
How was the situation resolved? It reached the point where I couldn't take it anymore. So I started to hit the weights and learned to defend myself.
Did I beat him up in the end? No! I didn't need to. After he saw the physical and mental changes that took place within me over time, he never bothered me again.

Later in life though, you will come across others like him, who are equally fit and mentally determined to do you harm. What is the answer? Fight them?
I did that for a time. And it always brought me more trouble. And it often escalated. If someone can not "Physically best you," they tend to look for other means to get at you; often times weapons, knives, guns, etc. And even bring others to jump you. Where does it end? Ignoring them is best! But stand your ground when you must!
 
Hmmm, I think everyone can change if they want too. I just think some people try to change the wrong things at the wrong time and then give up on themselves. My mom for example. She keeps trying to change her bad habit of smoking from almost a carton a day to none at all and the results are always the same. She grows super frustrated with all the stress in her life and ends up smoking more for a while after giving up. Instead of dropping the smoking (as much as she should eventually), she should focus on reducing whatever is causing her so much stress first.

This is just my personal opinion. I'm not saying anyone else is wrong in whatever they think.
 
I mean. I think t's hard but possible. If you're born with a certain personality changing it is a real challenge. Personally I've been fighting with certain character flaws for a while now and seem to have made minimal progress. So if people can change they can do it after a lot of time and effort. Or if they have a stronger will than me, that might make it easier
 
I think people have certain things about themselves that they can change, and other things that they cannot. And those traits vary from person to person.
And too, that the capacity to change is lessened greatly with age - but usually still possible.

If you're an impulsive liar at 7 you may not be by the time you reach 12, for example. But if you're still an impulsive liar by 25 then you're probably going to be a liar forever, outside some serious commitment to change. And even then, maybe you still tell some lies, sometimes, rather than never lie again. So you may never reach a full change.

I look to myself, because I have changed considerably over my life. I used to be homophobic, sexist, and all-around an asshole. I was a product of my upbringing. But I changed. I am none of that anymore. I am ok with being proven wrong on things, a lot of my opinions change given new information. I'd say I'm a totally different person now from even 3 years ago.

But someone else I knew is a huge liar, just cannot stop lying, even when you know they're lying. I broke ties with them years back, but sometimes I check on facebook out of morbid curiosity and can see they have not changed at all.

People only change when they want to, but even then, change is hard. Many people will give up or think it's not worth it. Why change when you've been living with X and its been mostly fine? I grew up in the southern US and being sexist and homophobic wasn't causing me any problems there. I only changed because I had a self-identity crisis that was large enough to make me care about those issues, and even now, I still have some opinions some may see as somewhat prejudice.

Many people with personality problems do not see their problems. And if they do, the pain/effort it takes to change is probably not worth it to them. Change is difficult, time-consuming, and often forces you to admit that you're not a good person.

I might've rambled a bit; hope this makes sense.
 
I think the worst person can change, as long as they try. Anybody can be a bad person, and do bad things, but it takes a strong will to become a better person. Some people might never want to change, because their will is weak. The ones that try to change and struggle through the process, they have a strong will, because they put in work so that their life and others can be changed. All in all, anybody can change, but it takes a strong will to want to do so.
 
While honestly changing is hard, there are usually four main factors to why someone would change: Motivation/Incentive, Lack Of Interest, Connection, and Horizon.

Motivation usually involves having some sort of reward from making this change, whether it's a few bucks or keeping your house or saving a loved one, if there is something important enough, a person will change.

Lack Of Interest is the exact opposite. Someone will change their ways simply by growing bored or tired of the way they normally do things. This is usually exemplified in lazy bums deciding to work for a change or someone having a mid-life crisis.

Connection implies that someone you are connected to in some way changes you, and motivates you to become a better/worse person for them. An example I always think about is Piccolo and Gohan from Dragon Ball Z. When Gohan and Piccolo first interact, Piccolo is rough and mean, still bitter over his defeat and still plotting on global domination. After roughly a year training with him, Piccolo has slowly warmed up to him and is even willing to sacrifice his life for both Gohan and the Earth.

Horizon. What is horizon? It is the Moral Event Horizon, a point of no return where someone is so evil or has gone so far they can't come back. Usually, if someone hasn't crossed this yet, they have the capacity to change for the better. If they have, then they probably cannot, and should be dealt with accordingly.

But who knows what can really change a person? These are just my thoughts on a general spectrum, and everybody is different.
 
I believe that people can change. However, I think the person needs to truly believe that they can change, and they have to genuinely want to change before they can. It is a difficult task, and it is hard for many people to do; in spite of that, I think that with a lot of belief and willpower, an individual is able to change.
 
I’ve spent much of my life trying to change people I meet for the better, and I can tell you with absolute certainty, that if the person in question will listen, and you can take the time to do it, then you have a shot at getting them to change.
 
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