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Moose

Moose

Squiddily diddily
Benefactor
Hello, I am working on recreating a world I built previously but lost most of my notes to it when a previous RP site I was on shut down. I would like to request some feedback not on the conceptual ideas themselves, but on whether my writing makes sense. Do I describe a thing in a way that gives you an accurate picture and so on. This is the thread I am recreating all this on https://www.storytellerscircle.com/threads/isma-reconstruction.8013/
 
To be clear, please do not put the feedback on that page, just put it back here.
 
Hiya! I wanna try give feedback, though I don't fully understand it so... I'm gonna read it a couple more times and maybe ask some questions to make sure I understand before giving feedback. Is that ok?
 
I am describing a physical 3d map, because as the actual area is four dimensions, a 3d map is necessary. That's at least the first post.
 
This is just the description of the world right? If so:
Sorry this took so long XD I had to do a lot research into the stuff I didn’t understand and read it a couple times. I think that you really are a creative person for coming up with something like this. This is constructive criticism. I think one thing I found was that a lot of information was being thrown at me all at once, which I get is the point! And I’m guessing this is meant to be like an official type document for the world?.. but yeah the reason it’s like this is because of how complex your idea is, which is a good thing, though how this is presented it’s a lot to take in and it’s hard to understand what’s going on. A map could help! I would love to see it.
I’m not sure if this is helpful in anyway.. I get it’s kinda annoying because I have said something but not really given a good enough and written out resolution. But this is all I have at the moment.
It is a really interesting that you should definitely keep working on
 
For me, I was able to visualise it all once I got into the text more. A map would definitely help those who key more off visual indicators, but I could imagine the world. It's quite complex and the addition of the society and races, as well as the planes and who they are populated by and accessed started to really pull it together. It's impressive.

The one thing that got me right off the bat is the opening of the cosmology information, and as this is at the beginning it feels there is something missing. "The planes immediately nearby are placed in four dimensional space." My first question was nearby to what? So perhaps there needs to be an anchor point to key off everything else, or a preamble to give us an immediate setting or placement. Keep in mind I have never read the opening to world-building so feel free to disregard if I'm off the mark. Also, what does ISMA stand for? I'm not sure if that needs to be put in this document or if it is made clear elsewhere.
 
It is put elsewhere and i will be putting up an edited version of this in the epic rp section that this was made for
 
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