Forgiveness

[SacredWarrior]

What do you lovely people here think about forgiveness? Is it necessary to move on from pain and hurt or does it make the victim of said pain and hurt weak and vulnerable?

As someone who's been hurt (like most people have), I can definitely understand where the more vengeful people are coming from when they refuse to forgive and I will gladly admit that I'm all for revenge myself. But one thing I've been forced to learn is that forgiveness is necessary for true healing hence the quote posted above.

Forgiveness has many definitions and meanings depending on the person but for me, forgiveness means letting go and releasing the anger/hatred you have towards whomever wronged you, not letting them have power over you anymore. To quote one of my favorite cartoons: "You don't forgive someone because they need it. You forgive someone because YOU need it."

Also forgiveness doesn't mean that you should reconcile with said person who hurt you. If you wish to, that's your choice but a lot of people misinterpret forgiveness as reconciliation and it isn't that at least in my eyes.

 

[xXNocturnalPotatoXx]

I do agree with that quote a lot! But I also understand how hard it is to forgive someone. (I'm still working on that too)

 

[Dreamless Realm]

I usually go with forgive but don't forget. I can personally say that the times I have sought revenge, while temporarily satisfactory, haven't really helped at all. Perhaps it's not even forgiveness, it's moving on and not obsessing over what happened. You don't owe anyone forgiveness, or friendship. It is definitely better for yourself if you reconcile with whatever happened, accept it happened, and allow yourself to build from the experience while not forgetting it. They say ignorance is bliss, but if you put your hand in a fire and forget about it then you'll do so again and again. Eventually you're going to lose a hand. If you get burned, treat it properly and heal it then you know what's up. You know to stay away or put out the fire etc.

 

[Hahli Nuva]

My personal belief is that no one person is ever past redemption unless they choose to reject it. You don't have to be best friends with that person or even like them, but just like you they have a capacity to change and shift their entire worldview. Empathy is in short supply these days, especially with the current social and political climate. We need to be bringing people together instead of pushing each other away.

Now I know sometimes it is hard to forgive or forget, and you may very well be inclined to believe in not doing so. I cannot speak for everyone but I can speak for myself.

I refuse to hold anyone's past actions or slights against them. The past does not determine the present, no matter how many years or days or months pass. I believe we all have moments of weakness, and that we are all capable of learning and improving ourselves and our fellow man.

 

[N0X]

When you have a negative thought about a person, that energy goes and attaches to that person and it makes them more of the person you think they are. This is why forgiving is so important. When you forgive people, it is for them, because if they don't receive forgiveness, that energy is still attached to them, and it can't detach itself. That energy has to go somewhere. Energy isn't created or destroyed, it just changes form. When you forgive, that energy is re-directed. That little bit of negative now comes off because it's forgiven. So it's really important not just for that person but to you, too. Because just as it was attached to them, it was attached to you, too. And energy only attracts energy. So even if your feelings towards someone are well deserved, you draw that energy back to you. I hope this perspective helps, even just a little bit.

 

[Kaos]

I'm inclined to believe that people don't change, but they discover who they are. Sometimes they make mistakes to learn it, whereas others have to break the character they've made of themselves, or just some conditioning and bad habits they aren't aware they learned. You have to judge them by the rest of their behavior and make a guess.
It takes months or years for some people to open up and show you a bit of who they are, and true understanding takes longer. Sometimes you discover something about them you didn't know before, other times you may not know the whole story.

So, knowing this, I just let a lot of things go by default. Lots of little things not worth bothering yourself over, but worth remembering, help you build understanding that maybe someone's just a little abrasive naturally, or careless, and don't mean what they say. You shouldn't let forget them, because it builds understanding, but just let go any feelings you have about it.

Some things, though, like when they overcome your patience with an extreme insult, theft, or betrayal, shouldn't ever be forgiven. They don't deserve a second chance, or the peace.
Then, just live past it. Don't forgive it, just don't dwell on it or have it be part of your life; move on.