How Green Becomes Wood

"Maybe not, and we haven't really been living in fear that we'd one day wake up and be everything we swore never to become. I think even if you never want to have kids some day, which is, by the way, entirely valid, nobody who does not want to be a parent should ever have to become one, you'll understand that: everyone eventually does or says something that reminds them of your parent, or parents, and it'll scare you half to death. For myself, personally, and I can't speak for anyone else, getting to wake up and make choices that I know my dad never would have made... It's reaffirming."

When Alec touched her shoulder, she jumped slightly. Daizi hadn't realized how close they were to each other, but her nerves calmed quickly, and she placed her hand over his, "Thank you. We've come to terms with it, as much as anyone can, but it's still something you never stop feeling. I hope, if you ever decide to have kids one day, you'll never have to deal with it."
 
No, Alec didn't understand how the pain of losing something like that, or someone like that, could last forever. Surely it had to fade eventually, didn't it? That's what all the people said about losing his mother and what he'd seen other people tell people who'd lost people. Maybe you still remembered them and had reminders, but how could pain never heal? That didn't make sense to him. Then again, unbeknownst to him, perhaps his perception of pain and the depth of connection were still very, very narrow.

He squeezed her shoulder gently, leaning in a little. "Well, I guess we can be semi-substitutes, at least for now," he said with a little smile. "Not the same, but maybe we'll distract you with all the headaches that come with being responsible with a pair of wild lives."
 
At last she turned more towards him again. She sat up straighter, and after taking a breath said, "I am very glad to have you both here. It makes me smile to get to spend time with you both. And I want you to know, Alec, I don't want to replace your mother, and I don't want to treat you both like you're my children. Neither of you have to be afraid that I'll forget my role in all of this."

She tried to disengage from sharing her own struggles and traumas, because it didn't seem right to put them onto the kid. She didn't want him to think he needed to comfort her, or worse rescue or fix her, because that wasn't his job. His job was just to be 14, he had already gone through enough troubles without needing to take on hers in any capacity.
 
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"If you'd like to," Daizi said gently, and hugged him. She was warm and smelled like incense, and her hair, which fell loose around her was soft. "I really am okay, though. It's hard to talk about, but I love my life, and sometimes," She rubbed his back, "things don't happen the way you wanted, or expected them to, and that's okay. I like who I am, and I'd be someone different if those things had gone differently. Are you okay?"
 
Alec leaned into her hug, something deep inside relaxing at her touch. "Yes, I'm fine," he promised, breathing in her scent. For just a fraction of a second, he wished that she really was his mother. He shook the thought off as quickly as it came and enjoyed what he had. She was such a kind and gentle creature. Almost a parent, but different. Like her own special role that didn't have a title he knew just yet. Maybe someday someone would come up with a name for what she and Dark were.

"Thank you for the hug," he said, slowly pulling away. "And thank you for talking to me. It helped me see things a little more clearly. You smell very nice, by the way."
 
"If you're never not fine," she said, as she pulled out of the hug, "I'm always willing to talk to you. And even if you are fine and just want to. You live here, and so you're part of my life, and that matters. I'm glad our talk helped to give you focus."

She sat back and pulled her legs back up onto the couch, "Some day you should come visit my museum. I don't know if you got to go on the field trip your school takes there in the Fall, with everything going on."
 
Alec shook his head and then remembered she couldn't see it. "No, we missed that field trip," he told her. "I would really like to come see it some day, if I may." Her mention of the museum sparked a realization. "Oh, wait a minute, you aren't supposed to be home yet. Are you feeling ill? Have I been selfishly ignoring signs of exhaustion? Would you like for me to draw you a bubble bath?" He looked her over worriedly. She'd never come home early before. That should have been the first thing he asked!
 
"Of course you can come, we're sort of open to the public, if you hadn't heard," She lightly teased, "Don't get me wrong, I'd forbid you if I could, but that's not really in my power: if we're open to one person, we have to be open to all of them."

"And, no I'm not ill, and you definitely don't need to draw me a bath," There really was something with this kid, but he was sweet and it was nice to know he cared about others, "I just got torn apart on a peer review, so I convinced my boss to let me come work from home. I didn't really want to deal with it. She's a good boss, not at all like Dark's, so she gets it. And it's probably the one time all year I'll ask to just head home, so it's grand."
 
"Oh." Alec relaxed. "I'm sorry your peers didn't like your work. Peers never seem to understand, or at least not be very nice with their constructive criticism." He stretched and stood. "I'm glad you aren't ill or anything. Do you need anything, or would you like to just rest? If it's alright and you don't need anything, I should probably get to my homework."
 
"It's difficult with a peer review because it's anonymous, and this one in particular, the reviewers didn't know I wrote it, and I don't know who the reviewers are, and it's really a serious thing, because they're deciding if the research they're reading has academic merit and if it deserves to be published, so people forget that there's a person on the other side of it." She shrugged, and lay back down on the couch, folding her arms under her head, "It'll all be fine. I'll make some edits, resubmit, get my work published, so. Yes, go do your homework. I'm okay, I've been through this process a thousand times, I can deal with it."
 
"Yes, ma'am. Just let us know if you need anything," Alec said. "Maybe when you are feeling more rested, we could, perhaps, look at the piano? If you want. Maybe it'll be a good distraction. I hope you have a good rest!" He headed out of the room and toward the bedroom, feeling lighter and happier than he had in a long, long time.
 
"Agh, don't call me Ma'am," She chuckled, "and I'll gladly show you the piano. After you finish your homework, just come and find me, okay? You don't need me there, you're more than welcome to 'look' at it all on your own, but... Ah, you understand."

As Alec left, she thought about how the twins were sharing one bedroom, with one desk, and decided she should also talk to Dark about putting a second desk in there, because she doubted it was easy for them both to do their homework with only the one.
 
The days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months. Gradually, the two backpacks at the end of the bed depleted as items were slowly removed and placed into new homes. Eventually, one of the backpacks disappeared. One remained, still holding a few small items, still sitting at the end of the bed, but it was nearly empty when a robin stopped by the bedroom window and peeked inside curiously.

Winter was slow to leave, but finally, spring had its way, and the trees erupted in blossoms and leaves. A hint of chill clung to the air, but the sun worked hard to burn it away. It wouldn't be long until there was nothing but heat and warmth until fall once more.

Alec and Xander sat in the back seat of the car, each staring out a window. Alec smiled brightly at everything he saw as the car wound its way slowly away from the city and toward what was absolute wilderness as far either of them were concerned. They had never been outside of the city like this before.

"I cannot wait to see these trails," Alec said, tugging on his seatbelt a little as he tried to see more out his window. "Exploring the great unknown! Like explorers!"

"So we can get eaten bears," grumbled Xander, slouching down in his seat, his frown as dark as his "artistically" torn shirt and jeans. His eyes gave him away, though, as he kept glancing curiously, the light flashing on his one stud. He'd removed the fake ones.

"I don't think bears would want to go after four people at once," Alec replied.
 
February was comfortable. It flew by quickly, and sure, it was the shortest month, but it still felt as if it had ended before it had really began. And to the surprise of both Dark and Daizi, it seemed... easy. Dark began taking Alec to the library once a week, as promised. They put a new CD player in the bedroom, and they added a second desk, too. Finally, they felt comfortable enough to go out on dates again, because since Alec and Xander had really begun to really seem like they lived in the house, it wasn't weird to leave them there alone. It felt good. And in their private moments, they even agreed it felt right. And it really seemed like nothing could throw off the groove they had found for themselves.

And then something happened. Or, to put it differently, something didn't happen. And Daizi knew exactly what that meant. Then, that Sunday, she and Dark went on a date to the local botanical garden, and the next morning, Dark had begun acting strange, too. They seemed almost like they were only half there, that Monday. That Thursday, he brought her to a doctor's appointment, which meant missing his first two classes.

The weirdness had never really went away, even now that a bit had time had passed since that first very strange weekend. And it also had gone unaddressed, but they tried to pretend nothing had changed. They really, really tried, and hoped it was working. It was easier for Dark, but Daizi still seemed lost in thought more often than she ever had before. But of course she tried. In fairness, it wasn't like she was a step out of time every minute of the day, she often still felt present and engaged, even when she wasn't actively working at it.

In this spirit of trying, when she woke up and discovered what a lovely day it was, she suggested they all go out together, and finally see those trails she had spoken about for so long. Thankfully, while they were in the car, it was another moment where it was easy to be present, and it was easy for her husband, too.

"You have no need to be wary of bears," Dark said, amused by the conversation, "I fully suspect you both will be so loud, they will stay clear of us."

Daizi chuckled, slouching slightly in her seat with one hand resting near her abdomen, "We only have black bears around here, and they probably won't eat you anyway. Probably. But, it's not really the wilderness, it's a well maintained trail, and not even that far from houses."
 
Alec said brightly, "If it's black, fight back! If it's brown, hug the ground. If it's white, you've had a good life."

Xander looked around at him with a frown of confusion. "What? What bears are white?"

"Polar bears," Alec said.

"And you've had a good life? That doesn't seem very helpful," Xander said doubtfully.

"Polar bears are known to actively hunt humans because of the dwindling seal population, and because they are so massive and powerful and designed to hunt meat, as opposed to the other kinds of bears that are mostly vegetarian, scavengers, and opportunistic, the only way to escape is to kill it before it kills you," Alec told him. "They can stalk their prey for days, as more than one explorer has documented."

Xander stared at him for a long moment. "You are creepy sometimes, you know that? You look like a skittle and talk like a Nevermore bird."

Alec gave him a bright grin and looked out the window. "Look! Horses!"

Xander nearly crawled out of his seat. "Horses? Where?"
 
"A raven?" Daizi asked, hearing the comment about the 'Nevermore bird.'

Dark glanced out the window hearing Alec mention horses, "Oh, yeah, look, to the left." Out the window, in a pasture, were three horses milling about. One, the largest, was a classic chestnut horse with a star on its forehead. Another was a robust black horse, seemingly one used for work, not for speed, and the third was a gracile dappled grey. They, too, seemed to be enjoying the warm weather.

"You should pull over," Daizi suggested, "Do you like horses? You sound excited."

"We cannot just pull over, Spider, they are not... ours."

"Why not? We won't pet them, I know that's a bad idea, but what's the harm in a closer look?" Of course, she would love to pet them, but she knew it probably wasn't smart to do so, not without knowing the owners.
 
Xander caught himself leaning over Alec to see out the window at the three horses and pushed himself back into his seat. "What? No, we don't need to stop. It's just horses. I misunderstood. I thought you said..." He hesitated, trying to think of something that sounded like horses. "Forces. Like military forces. I was wondering what they'd be doing out here."

Alec giggled but didn't try to correct him. "They are pretty. Do horses bite?"
 
"They can, any animal with a mouth can bite. And since we do not know their temperament," Dark looked at his wife, who slouched down further in her seat with a silly grin, "it would be a bad idea to pull over to meet them."

"I already said we wouldn't pet them," She whined, mostly to intentionally bug him.

Dark glanced in the review mirror to catch a glimpse of the boys, "It does not matter, because Xander was only excited to see military forces. Which, to be honest, is not an emotion I think I will ever relate to." Although he spoke dryly and was mostly kidding, because it seemed to him Xander had heard Alec correctly, considering he repeated it, but he was also being entirely honest.

"I should get a Seeing-Eye Pony. I'm able to, you know, it's a thing... Ah, that's probably a bad idea, though, I think we've run out of space in our house."

Dark shook his head, and although he had not stopped the car, he did drive more slowly as they passed the pasture, "I think we have space for one more."

"That's true, just one more," She sighed, and then quickly, "Not a pony, though, an... Oak tree? I can't think of any animal that rhymes."
 
"Oooo, a pony named Oak!" Alec suggested, leaning forward as far as he could to see between their seats. "I am in full support of that. As long as ponies can be house-trained. Can ponies be house-trained?"

Xander shot a glance at the others and deemed them distracted enough. He leaned back over and tried to get a glimpse of the horses behind Alec's back until he had to turn and see them out the back window. He tried to guess what types of horses they were, though he couldn't see them clearly. Maybe a quarter horse for the brown one, a draft horse of some kind for the black one, and the dappled horse looked maybe an Arabian. What an odd assortment of horses. Did they get along well together? He'd read horses got lonely without friends, especially friends of the same species, but surely even friends quarreled sometimes.

"The doors would have to be really big to let you and a seeing-eye pony through at the same time," Xander said absently.
 
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