How Green Becomes Wood

Daizi yelped, having been startled awake, "What? No, I'm okay, I'm okay," still lying on her stomach, she moved her hands beneath her to rebutton the top of her skirt, which she had undone after coming home. She wasn't showing yet, but internally her uterus had expanded from the size of her fist to the size of grapefruit, which meant--her waistbands were feeling a bit tight. Then she sat up straight, and emphatically said, "you don't need to call anybody, I'm okay, I promise, I'm okay. I was just napping. What time is it? How long have you been home?"

Alec falling to his knees beside Daizi had also startled Enkidu, who was now barking, because that was not a normal thing, and he therefore needed to alert everyone a not normal thing had happened. Daizi commanded him to hush and lay down, which he did... after pacing around the room a few times.
 
Alec slumped in relief, whimpering softly as he did so. She wasn't dead! What a relief. He didn't know how he would have explained that to Dark.

"We just got home," Xander said, putting his phone back into his pocket. "If you're okay, then you are doing a damn good impression of being not okay." His tone wasn't quite accusatory, but it was close. His heart still pounded in fear as he glared at her, trembling a little from adrenaline.
 
"Well I am," She replied firmly, although she dropped her shoulders slightly. She didn't like hearing Alec whimper, and she understood they were frightened, what with presuming she was dead and all, "but I'm sorry to have frightened you both. I don't mean to."

She rubbed the back of her neck, there really wasn't a book for a situation like this. Dark would have her head when she told them she had scared the twins, he had been really urging her to tell them the truth.
 
"Do you need something to help you feel better? Maybe some ginger ale and saltines?" Xander suggested awkwardly.

Alec still sat on the floor, hugging his knees, seeming to have temporarily shut down in his fright, but he was slowly reviving. He would likely be seeing Daizi lying there in his nightmares for some time. He glanced toward the dog, fixing his eyes on the fluffy creature.
 
She shook her head, "Thank you, you don't need to do anything. I just..." She sighed, "I promise there's nothing wrong with me, okay? I know that I seem unwell, and I guess I am unwell, but I'm not--sick. And I know that's confusing." She was going to have to tell them. She knew she was going to have to tell them. But she didn't know how to. How was anybody supposed to? It was hard enough telling her husband and she knew what his reaction was going to be.

Enkidu, meanwhile, having calmed down, noticed that Alec had not yet calmed down, and sauntered over to stick his nose in Alec's face and sniffed him.
 
"Nope, that makes no sense whatsoever," Xander said flatly. He looked away and bit his lip. After a second to collect himself, he huffed a sigh and said, "I don't know what's going on. I know something is, but I figure when you're ready, you'll let us in on the secret. If it's any of our business to know at all. After all, we're just kids who live here, so what business is it of ours?" He retraced his steps back to the doorway where he'd left his backpack. "If you don't need anything, I'm going to get started on my homework. I have a history paper to write, and the professor will be disappointed by anything less than an A."

Alec reached up tentatively and started petting Enkidu's neck. He was a good dog, a fluffy dog, but Alec had always felt nervous about getting close. He was Daizi's dog, and Alec didn't think the dog would want to share. Now, though, it was nice to have such a friendly face, even if all he could see from this angle was mostly nose as Enkidu sniffed him.
 
"He'll only be disappointed if you don't try your best," Daizi said reflexively, and then stopped and rubbed her hands over her face, and said, "No, wait. It isn't that... Okay, it is difficult for me to talk about, and I've been hoping to be able to wait to tell you but maybe I should've told you both earlier, but I don't know how you will take it, and they don't really sell an applicable greeting card, and I promise I am not sick and nothing is wrong, I've been nothing but honest when I've been saying nothing is wrong. I don't want either of you to be afraid for me."

Enkidu wiggled when Alec touched his neck and in response, licked his face and then lay down beside him. And Daizi, realizing the younger twin had been quiet asked, "Are you okay, Alec? I'm really sorry that I scared you."
 
Xander grunted, not ready to be assuaged just yet. "Like I said, we'll wait until you're ready to tell us whatever you want. I'll be in my room if you need anything. Just give me a yell." He headed off to his room, not exactly stomping, but not walking softly either.

Alec stroked Enkidu, letting his fingers sink into the soft fur. "Xander is just mad because he got scared. He doesn't like to be scared," Alec replied, not exactly answering the question. "He'll be fine in a bit."
 
Daizi nodded, and felt like she was probably the worst foster-parent alive. She curled up on the couch, and folded her hands over her abdomen. This secret was, it seemed, destroying her little family, but she had already been fully overcome with love for the thing. She just wished it was easier to talk about, and, honestly, she was mad at how when she was younger, adults made her think she would have it all figured out, and that she'd just magically know what to do and not make big mistakes.

"I am sorry," She repeated, "you both deserve to know the truth. When... when he calms down, I'll tell you both, okay? I promise, and then you both can feel however you feel about it."

Enkidu rolled over onto his back and let his tongue fall out the side of his mouth as he looked up at Alec, apparently quite pleased one of the two boys was finally giving him the attention he craved.
 
Alec didn't know what to say. His tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth as he sat watching Enkidu. If only life was as simple as Enkidu made it seem. If only he didn't have to try to understand things or try to ignore them. He reached down and rubbed the dog's belly, trying to guess what it was the dog liked best.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell us," he said at last. "I understand that sometimes adults don't tell us things because we can't understand yet, and sometimes it's because they don't understand, themselves. And sometimes it's because they are waiting for all of the information instead of giving us bits at a time. I guess." He stopped himself from saying any more. He was babbling.
 
"I'm just really scared." She confessed, "but not because anything is wrong. Nothing is wrong. But, that's for me to deal with. I should have worked harder to make sure that didn't trickle down onto you. And I want you to know, because at some point it'll be impossible to miss," She realized as she spoke that she had been hoping they would just sort of guess her news and come to her about it, but as soon as she understood that's what she had been hoping for, she knew it was wrong of her. For one thing, Xander needed to be told she was blind, but more importantly: she was an adult, and they were kids, and she needed to act like it.

"Did you really think I was dead when you saw me sleeping?" She asked, gently.
 
Alec nodded wordlessly, still stroking the dog. After a moment, he realized what he'd done and said aloud, "Yes. I did. I saw you laying there, I didn't think you were moving or breathing. I thought..." He trailed off and fell silent. What more was there to say?
 
Daizi closed her eyes and took a breath before sliding off the couch to sit besides Alec. Maybe she should have asked for permission first, but she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her, "I'm so sorry I scared you that badly," she whispered, "I meant to be awake before you came home. I never want to scare you like that again. I'm not going anywhere, Alec. You never have to be afraid that I won't be here anymore. I'm not going to die, I'm so, so alive." She thought about how he had already lost one maternal figure and squeezed him tight.
 
Alec all but nestled into the hug like a small child, a tiny whimper escaping. He clung to her tightly then willed his hands to loosen their grip, not wanting to hurt her. Her warmth and the gentle scent of incense surrounded him, soothing the painful pit in his stomach. She was alive. She promised to stay alive and to never leave. Daizi always kept her promises. He could trust this promise. He could trust her.

"I'm sorry I haven't been making this easy for you," he whispered.
 
"No," She murmured, stroking his hair, "you don't have to apologize for anything. You haven't done anything wrong, and you aren't making anything difficult. You're a good person, you're a kind person. You haven't made anything difficult." Tears came to her eyes, and for once she couldn't blame it entirely on the hormones, it was the guilt she felt over terrifying this child so badly. Daizi rested her chin on top of his head and didn't let him go, "I've made things difficult, and I've been distracted, and that's my fault. You didn't do anything. You don't have to be afraid," She inhaled deeply, "I care about you so much, Alec, I never want you to be afraid because of me."
 
Alec took a deep, shaky breath at her words. No one had ever said anything like that before No one had ever wanted him before, not like this. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay." He patted Daizi's shoulder awkwardly, wanting her to understand that he understood. "Thank you, Daizi."
 
She squeezed him one last time and then let go, but stayed sitting on the floor besides him and said, "You're welcome," although she wasn't entirely sure what he was thanking her for. She still felt like she had let both him and Xander down, "When Dark comes home, and your brother is calmer, I'll tell you the truth. And then you won't have to worry anymore."
 
Alec pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, still lightly leaning into Daizi, just enough to feel the physical connection. "Are you sure? I mean, I do want to know, but I don't want you to feel pressured to tell us something you don't want to," he said quietly.
 
"Dark has been suggesting I should," She replied, not pulling away from him because she could tell he needed it, "and knowing how frightened you've been, I think I should. It'd be selfish to keep it private knowing how it is affected you and Xander. And I was going to tell you eventually, anyway."
 
Alec nodded quietly. "I understand." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I should probably do my homework. I am a little bit behind. But, first, are you alright now, Daizi? Do you need anything?"
 
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