How Green Becomes Wood

"Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." Dark replied as he shut the trunk. After he had spoken, he thought perhaps he should not quote the tenants of Thelma to students, considering the optics of the entire situation... But, ultimately, what were the chances they would recognize the line, more than likely they would think he was quoting the Bible.

He got into the driver's side, and pressed the button for heated seats. Inside, Pink Floyd's The Wall was playing softly--Does anybody here remember Vera Lynn? Remember how she said that we would meet again, some sunny day?" After the twins were in--and had their seatbelts buckled, Dark drove away, and said, "You can be monsters to me all you like, but be kind to my wife, she is a good woman." Vera, Vera, what has become of you?

"I suppose I should also ask, are either of you allergic to, or afraid of, dogs? Or, rats?"
 
Xander glanced quizzically at Alec, but Alec could only shrug and try to shake the snow out of his haphazardly cut red hair. Alec winced the moment he heard Pink Floyd but tried to hide it as quickly as he could. Xander ignored the music, deligating it to background noise.

"I don't know if we're allergic to dogs," Alec offered when Xander didn't answer. "I've never been around one. I don't like rats. One bit me on my toe once, and that did not end well." He shrugged with a sheepish smile. "I won't stand on a chair and scream if I see one, though. Mostly because my leg won't let me."

"What kind of a dump does your amazing wife live in that you have dogs and rats running around?" Xander grumbled, ignoring Alec's elbow jabbing into his side.
 
"We have one dog, a rescued shepherd, Enkidu," Dark explained, "and we have three rats, Ophelia, Melinoe, and Adrienne, but they do not run free. They are actually quite clean." He neglected to mention his wife's dearest pet, Neith. That one they would not be allergic to, and as he did not expect they would meet, as she too was not a free-roaming creature, there was no need.

So, he drove home. It was not too long of a drive, only about fifteen minutes, and at last he pulled into his driveway. It seemed like it should be a nice house, large, in a "good neighborhood," but classically it was the last house on the left, and none of the lights were on in the windows. It certainly did not quite seem to fit in with the rest of the neighborhood, which seemed rather like WASP suburban hell--this house seemed, well--darker. But that could be the lack of Christmas lights. Or the stonework. Certainly, in daylight, it would look less haunted.

Dark parked the car and got out, picking up his box, and leading the twins inside, "Come along," he said, and unlocking the front door, which was decorated with a goats-head knocker, he let them inside.

"I am home, darling, with guests," Dark called out into the blackness of his home as he took of his shoes and touched the salt kept in a vessel on the wall. To the twins he said, "please remove your shoes and touch the salt." He did not believe in the salt keeping bad spirits and negative energy away, but it was important to his wife, and so he kept in the tradition.

As he said this, a tall woman stepped around the corner, and at last their was light: she bore a candelabra which bathed her in soft, yellow light. Around her eyes, a cloth was tied, obscuring them, and she said, "At last, the ceremony can begin."

Dark, immediately, flipped the light switch to fill the hallway with normal lighting, and pinching the bridge of his nose said, "Tarot. Of all things---why?" Looking at the twins he said, "She is joking, I swear she is joking."

The woman, who even beneath what was, in properly lighting, clearly just a silk headscarf with red poppies on it, had an extremely asymmetrical face, and she cracked up laughing at her husband's immediate annoyance with her prank, "But babe," she laughed, "the ceremony--!"

"Yes, you are very funny. Alec, Xander, this is my wife, Daizi."

"I made hot chocolate," she grinned, still evidently quite amused with herself.
 
Xander and Alec slowly extricated themselves from the car and followed Dark up the walk, hesitating before entering through the doorway. Were they trying to make this house look as creepy as possible on purpose? Or were they rebelling against the norm in an Addam's Family kind of way? Either way, Xander reluctantly helped Alec over the step and they stood in the entryway nervously. At Dark's instructions, Alec obediently touched the salt and went to remove his shoes, but Xander stopped him. Then the specter appeared.

Neither twin made a sound through the entire exchange, staring intently at the woman who had more or less appeared between them like a cross between Bela Lugosi and Morticia Addams with a splash of Twilight Zone. She did have a nice laugh that contrasted strangely with her unusual appearance. Alec tilted his head slightly, completely unnerved yet strangely intrigued. Xander's expression never changed.

"Okay, we'll be on our way," Xander said in a flat tone. "Thanks for the ride, Professor." He turned and started pulling Alec toward the door, forgetting Alec's injured ankle for a fraction of a second.

"Um..." Alec said, awkwardly trying to hop and balance while being pulled around. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Right, not a good idea, so we're off," Xander said.

Alec gave up arguing and sat right in the entryway among the snow puddles and shoes.
 
"See," Daizi hummed, "whenever everybody goes to someone's house for the first time, they think they'll probably by murdered sacrificially, and everybody knows that nobody who would ever actually sacrificially murder someone would take the time to joke that they would, which means now they know that this is a safe and loving home."

"Tarot that is the worst idea I have ever heard, you are literally scaring them away." Dark was still pinching the bridge of his nose, he had finally gotten them to relax enough to come inside, and she decided, hey, this is the best time to pull a prank.

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and after tapping around to find it, set the candelabra down on the small hall table, "It may have been better in theory," she acknowledged, "but I still think pretending to be a perfect, loving, good wife would have creeped them out more," she pointed, incorrectly, at the twins, "you two, relax. It is freezing outside, I made hot chocolate, it would be rude not to at least drink it before you scamper off." Saying this, she breezed into the kitchen.
 
"I haven't had hot chocolate in a long time," Alec mused dreamily. "Remember, Xander? It was last Christmas when we stopped by that little manger scene and they were handing out small cups of hot chocolate and candy canes. It was so good!" He sighed wistfully. "Until that little boy knocked the chocolate out of my hand."

"Amos stole the peppermint sticks," Xander muttered. He stared down at his brother still sitting on the floor. "Alright, fine. We'll stay. For the hot chocolate." He leaned over and pulled off his ratty shoes, shoving them out of the way.

Alec smiled angelically and started unlacing his hightops. They were in slightly better shape than Xander's shoes, but they looked to be from two different pairs. "You forgot to touch the salt."

Xander glared at him but reached over and roughly tapped the salt.

"Where should I hang my coat, sir?" Alec asked Dark politely.
 
Dark indicated towards where to hang the coats, and apologized for his wife's little joke. Then he followed Daizi into the kitchen, who had removed the silk scarf, leaving it haphazardly on the countertop, and was now wearing a pair of dark sunglasses. Dark immediately picked up the scarf and, at least, folded it up nicely, and then set about wiping up the few spills on the marble countertops.

"Dinner will be ready soon, it will taste awful with the hot chocolate, but with this weather... Come, sit," She was sitting on one of the stools surrounding the circular breakfast bar, and on the counter were four mugs of hot chocolate, each with whipped cream and cinnamon. The mugs were all black, and the mugs were all a similar shape, but none were from a matching set, "and tell me all about what brought you to our door."
 
Xander helped Alec into the kitchen and sat him down in the nearest chair. He sat in the chair with the easiest escape route and kept the chair pushed back slightly. He eyed the woman with her glasses warily, but considering Alec had once worn a pair of plastic start-shaped glasses with a chip on one side for three months straight, it was an understatement to say he was used to odd fashion choices. "The professor brought us here," he replied flatly. "Actually, he basically blackmailed us to get us into his car."

"It is easy to blackmail Xander with sound logic," Alec said calmly. He'd left the red, puffy coat in the entryway, but he still wore the long, grey jacket open to reveal a loose blue button-up shirt worn over a blood-orange colored shirt. The red tie around his neck lay skewed to the left where it disappeared under the top two layers under his arm. He stretched out his feet - covered with one black sock and one green - and eased the pressure off his swelling ankle and bruised knee poking through the thin pants.
 
"The professor, I like that," She mused, "but you misunderstand me, when I asked what brought you here, I didn't mean the immediate circumstances. That'd be like accepting 'unemployment,' as an explanation for why there is poverty in Detroit. If you can still ask, 'but why,' you have not arrived at the cause."

Dark took a sip of his hot chocolate, "Daizi is an anthropologist. But you do not need to answer her questions, the information is personal, and what is more important is to find a solution we are all comfortable with."

"Treat the disease, not the symptom, dear. You can't find the right solution if you won't look beneath the surface... but maybe it's premature." As soon as Dark had set down his mug, Daizi picked it up to drink out of his.

"Okay, you always do this. You have your own, why do you always need to drink mine?"

"Yours tastes better."

"You made them both."

"Yeah but your irritation adds flavour," She grinned at her husband, and then she said, again towards the twins, "but it is good he blackmailed you into coming here, the radio said it's going to drop well below freezing tonight, it's brutal. You'd simply freeze, even dressed fully prepared for it--" Dark said something quietly to her in Arabic, prompting her to say, "They're dressed how? And you both seriously thought it'd just be grand? And you'd just figure it out?" Again she turned to her husband, "Goose, you are an awful teacher."
 
Alec let the words flow around him like water, listening but not really absorbing. He sipped his hot chocolate and closed his eyes, humming under his breath so only he could hear. The warmth of the house hugged him from the outside, and the hot liquid seemed to be warming his very bones. Who cared how he'd arrived or why? He was content to stay right here until summer if they'd be willing to leave him undisturbed. He picked up on the odd language, not recognizing it, and filed it away for further examination later.

Xander clutched the cup tightly but still hadn't taken a drink. He didn't know what to make of this strange couple and their odd banter. The warmth did feel very good, especially with his thin clothes, but he was still prepared to make a dash for the door at the first sign of trouble. He waited until he felt the lady - Dizzy? Daisy? Whatever. - had finished talking before saying, "I thought everyone tried going out in the snow half-naked for a lark. It is fantastic fun to freeze your ba-" he stopped when he felt Alec's foot nudge his leg. Even when not paying attention, his brother could pick up on that certain tone. "Your fingers off. It's a lovely thing to do by choice."
 
"I wouldn't know, I'm from Cairo," Daizi replied, "I stay well out of the snow, if I can help it. I'll tell you, though, the first time I ever experienced snow, it scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what was happening. Do you remember that?"

Dark nodded, and looked down at his hands, "You thought someone had dropped ice down the back of your shirt."

"Yeah, it was awful," She said, and rose to her feet as a timer beeped. She removed a pot from the stove and drained elbow pasta from it, and then began microwaving chickpeas as she said, "But I imagine, yes, freezing your fingers off is a lovely thing to do, if you are so inclined, but a friend of mine, her grandfather was once found in a snowbank, in a town he did not live in, and his frostbite was so bad, they had to amputate some of his fingers. Now he basically has a claw on his right hand--and he was right handed, so--Perhaps more fun in theory than in practice," She continued assembling dinner with her back turned towards them, "are you both okay with spicy food? I did not know you were coming, so I did not prepare to make a milder variant."

"I think we should probably decide..."

"If they aren't ready to talk about it, we can talk about it in the morning."
 
Alec opened his eyes and watched Daizi curiously as she bustled about. He still didn't say anything or move much other than to sip now and then, but he watched every move she made, tipping his head now and then to get a better view from his vantage point.

Xander frowned, both because she hadn't responded like he was used to and out of confusion. "Does it not snow in Illinois?" he asked, his first non-sarcastic question. He didn't bother to answer about the spicy food question, considering it to be redundant. It was food that another person was making for themselves. What place did his opinion have? If they chose to share it with him, he'd eat it if at all possible.
 
Daizi paused, and turned around slowly, a confused look on her face. She still held the spatula she was using to mix the various cooked ingredients, "Cairo, Egypt," she said, "do I sound midwestern? No, Dark and I are both from the Middle East, he changed his name when he came here from Iraq, I kept mine. He's my only family on this side of the world and I'm his only--well anyway, I still go back. It's much easier to visit Egypt." Despite how she teased her husband, she was careful to stop herself from sharing too much about his past without his consent. She knew it mattered to him to keep some things kept away.

Anyway, she assumed since neither twin objected to spice, they were okay with it, so after she finished what she was doing, she ran her fingers across the labels on the cabinets until she found the one she was searching for, and pulled out four plates, and then went to a drawer to pull out forks, which she brought to where they were sitting. When she did this, Dark got up and grabbed the food itself, and a serving spoon, and set it down in at the table.

"Normally we eat in the dining room," He said, "but I do not want Alec to move around too much on that ankle, so this will be fine."

"This is Koshari, it's lentils, chickpeas, pasta, onion, and tomato sauce. It's good, it's from Egypt, not Illinois."
 
"I understood pasta, onion, and tomato sauce," Xander said, "and it sounds like spaghetti, but this is one strange-looking dish."

"It looks- I mean, smells very good," Alec said softly, examining the dish. "Thank you."

"What are lentils? Aren't they something to do with doors?" Xander asked, poking at the beans and pasta suspiciously.

"That's a 'lintel,' and it's the top bit of the door. These are lentils," Alec said, pointing out the small, round bits that looked like cousins of the pea family. He hesitated only a moment before cautiously putting a bite in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before smiling and nodding. "Thank you, this is very good," he said, his expression and voice carefully controlled, but his ears and cheeks were slowly turning red.

Xander coughed when he took a bite, but he merely mumbled and forced himself to take another bite. So much spice! And garlic! He couldn't tell if he actually liked it or not, but he didn't care. He was too hungry to care.
 
"Does it look strange? I hadn't noticed." Daizi replied.

Dark silently watched the tragedy of the average American's tastebuds and wordlessly got up, poured two glasses of milk, and set them down in front of Xander and Alec. The poor kids did not even know--Egyptian food was generally considered bland compared to the rest of the Middle East. Although, after so many years together, Daizi's take on her heritage foods had evolved a bit, not that she was ever a bad cook, not once they made the kitchen accessible for her.

"This is delicious, thank you," Dark said, and Daizi smiled, and leaned over to kiss his cheek. It was a standard exchange between them, but he still immediately glanced at his students to see if they had noticed, hoping they were too overcome by experiencing flavour for the first time in their lives. It wasn't as if Daizi had just straddled his lap and made out with him in front of them, but to him it still felt strange. Was seeing your teacher receive mild affection from his wife weirder than literally sitting in his house, eating the food his wife had cooked for him? Probably not. But he was, nonetheless, a private man.

"Do you both have pajamas?" Daizi asked, "Because I'm entirely against letting you run out onto the street in this weather tonight, and I'm not certain, but I suspect Dark's clothes will be too big on you, and I'm not sure where we measure up. Hey, babe? Do we still have any of your old clothes from high school, back when you were skinny? I know we still have your MCR tour shirt."

"Yes, but that one is..."

"Right, that one is special, we don't want anything to happen to it." There was not a hint of irony or sarcasm in what either of them said.
 
Xander noticed the kiss and the look, but he didn't care. His mouth was on fire! Well, maybe not quite that bad, but his level of spicy up until this point had been a Taco Bell mild sauce. Spicy foods were - normally - either too expensive or too much work, so they just didn't happen. He studied the milk in confusion for a moment after Dark set it down. Neither Dark or Daizi had some. Still, he was desperate enough to take a few cautious sips. Finding the milk did help, he chugged half the glass.

"We're fine," he said, coming up for air. "We don't need anything. We'll be out of your hair quick as slick."

Alec dabbed his forehead with his napkin. "Thank you for your hospitality," he wheezed. "It is kind of you to accommodate us on such short notice." He tried to drink his milk at a much more reasonable speed while also clearing half his plate. He stared at the other half of the plate. He was so full, but he could not face the idea of wasting anything! But he'd eaten so little for so long that this one plate was a feast. Maybe he could find a way to save it for later without insulting anyone?
 
Daizi leaned over to Dark and asked him a question in a soft murmur, and after he replied, she said, "If you aren't used to spice, try not to eat too much, it'll make you sick. We won't be offended if you can't eat it all, our closest friend is from Appalachia. And, honestly, it's no problem to accommodate you--that same friend crashes here all the time. And we expected to have a kid at some point, which obviously never happened," This, she said with a strange note in her voice. It wasn't quite bitter, and not quite angry, but it felt almost like a curse, or suppression, "so we have extra space."

Dark briefly put his hand on her shoulder, and then stood, saying, "I can go double check the rooms are made up. They should be."

"Bring Enkidu down when you come back, you know he hates being locked in the bedroom."

He promised he would, and left the kitchen. Most of the lights in the house were still off, so as he went, he needed to flip them on. After he was gone, Daizi drummed her long fingers on the table and said, "So, are you two runaways for fun or profit? Or were you cast out?"
 
Both twins gratefully pushed away their plates and finished off their milk. It still took a bit of patting with their napkins to feel even close to normal, but their bellies were full and no longer trying to twist themselves into knots. That alone was worth the burn!

Xander watched Dark leave suspiciously. Why were all the lights off? What were they trying to hide? Or was it to keep the electricity bill low? Whatever the reason, it was just plain weird. If it weren't for Alec's leg, he'd be dragging them both out as fast as he could. He glanced over at the strange witchy woman's question and growled, "Don't see how that's any of your business."

"I didn't know you could make a profit by running away," Alec said pleasantly. "I'd be curious to find out more about that, but, no, neither profit nor fun. Really, it isn't so bad. This is certainly better, but we were doing alright, I assure you." He smiled and glanced around, quickly moving on. "You have a lovely home. Was it hard to get everything situated properly to accommodate you?"
 
"Any of my buisness? No, not my buisness," Daizi hummed, "Call it my pleasure. Respectful curiosity. And, you can profit by writing a book on your experiences. If you're lucky, it'll sell, and then you can profit further by getting a movie deal. Sell your entire life story and profit from your trauma, it'll only cost you your soul. Or, if you're cute enough, you can get a van and become an influencer. Not that I would know anything about that--I'm not cute enough to be an influencer, I look like someone stomped on my face, or like what parents would point to when they want their kid to stop making a silly face. I don't know about you two."

She refocused on Alec when he asked her a question, and stretching she said, "No, it wasn't too bad. We worked with the designer to make the house accessible--you have to understand, my father comes from money, I was really happy in our shitty apartment--but, whatever couldn't be directly built into the foundations wasn't too hard to add. We've got little tactile bumps on the stove, we made sure to get appliances that beep--if not outright talk--and we have a fun braille label maker. And Dark's a neat freak, I'm sure you've noticed his desk at school, so labeling everything suits us both fine. Then, whatever I can't do, he does, which also suits me. But I've always been like this, so I also have a lot of practice with navigating places not built for people like me. It isn't exactly problem free, but we all have our burdens to bear," She shrugged, and then smiled her crooked smile and said, "It's easier when you have someone who helps you bear it."
 
Xander and Alex glanced at each other as Daizi rambled about faces and selling movie rights. They had no clue what she was actually talking about, not really. They were relieved and happy when she moved away from talking about looks and their own predicament and started talking about the house.

Xander did frown in confusion, though, as she finished. "Accessible? What, you aren't in a wheelchair or anything, and what does labeling have to do with anything?"

Alec nudged Xander firmly. "I'm sorry," he apologized to Daizi. "He's dense sometimes."

"Seriously, what?" Xander protested.

Alec grabbed his arm and leaned in close. "She's blind, you moron!" he hissed.
 
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