How Green Becomes Wood

"See I told you," Daizi grinned, leaning across the table towards Dark, "Girl's down bad. Not that I can blame her," She playfully shoved Dark who shook his head, "and don't worry, Xander, I'm not the jealous type and I know he would crumple without me."

"I do not know if she put black streaks in her hair or not because I do not perceive her, all students are grey blobs to me," He chose to believe both his wife and the slightly-older of his two foster kids were incorrect, "it is exclusively terrible when some student develops... feelings," the word itself was agony to say, "they do not realize, no offense Xander, every student at that school looks five years old. A five year old grey blob."

"I think it's sweet," she hummed, "and everytime a student has a crush on you, I think I grow a little stronger. Anytime anyone develops a crush on you I increase in strength."

"I even look at old photographs of myself in high school and think I look five, and I distinctly recall believing I looked very adult," Dark complained.
 
"A grey blob, huh?" Xander asked around a mouthful of food. "Wow. That's going to break a few hearts when I accidentally let that one slip." He didn't actually care or plan to let anything "slip." As far as he was concerned, having a crush on a teacher was gross.
 
"Five year-old grey blobs," Daizi corrected.

Dark clearly also believed that having a crush on your teacher was gross, and he seemed entirely caught up on how high schoolers look like toddlers, "You see those boys with their new beards they just managed to grow for the first time and it is like a wig on a toddler," having said this, he suddenly furrowed his brow and looked at Xander, "...I think I have to ask you something that will be uncomfortable for both us. Do you and Alec know how to shave? Are you... there yet, where shaving is... a thing you worry about?" He scratched his own beard, "When I was fifteen I was already fighting five o'clock shadow, so I do not exactly know standard..." He took a sip of his water.
 
Xander paused, mid-bite, and gave Dark a sideways look. "I think we're fine," he said a little shortly before continuing to eat. He didn't mean it rudely, but he felt a little uncomfortable with the question. He liked Dark well enough, but questions of hygiene seemed a little too personal. In truth, neither of them had needed to shave yet - they seemed to be late bloomers - but he figured they could sort it out. How hard could it be? Right?
 
"Okay, good. Good." He didn't feel particularly comfortable asking it either, but he thought, you know, if he was fostering them, that meant some things were his responsibility to teach them certain things, right? That's how that worked. Somebody had to. And he wasn't entirely sure if you could teach someone to shave without shaving with them, and he had not been clean shaven since he was probably eighteen or so. So if they didn't need help then that was great and he didn't have to worry about shaving. He was not sure if Daizi would recognize him if he did.

Daizi stretched and picked up her plate, which was mostly, but not entirely, empty, "Boys and their beauty routine," She kissed the top of Dark's head, "I think I might go lay down. Both of you, let me know if you need something, okay? Alec too, if he needs something."
 
"Have a good night," Xander said, waving his fork awkwardly. "See you in the morning, probably." He looked down, feeling suddenly and immensely awkward to be alone with Dark. He wasn't even sure why. He just was. He had the feeling he'd be in an even worse state if he was alone with Daizi.
 
"I will try not to wake you when I come up," Dark promised as Daizi left the room, and she just laughed and told him he definitely would. Dark was fairly quiet, which was impressive, given his size, but she had always been a light sleeper.

But then she was gone, and it was himself and Xander alone. And he had never really been good at small talk, it wasn't his style. And he could practically see the tension in the room. He knew he should say something to make it all normal, but he couldn't think of anything that would do it so instead he leaned back in his chair and said, "Things are different now," and it was not a question, "you do not have to say anything. I do not even expect you to."
 
"We can find somewhere else to go once you're sure this... baby thing is going to happen," Xander said bluntly. He picked up his plate to carry to the sink. "I figure it's best to wait to see what happens, but we'll move on if and when you're sure it's happening."
 
"We do not want you to 'move on'," Dark said, turning around to look at Xander, and he didn't take a moment's pause before saying so, "we said we would foster you, and if we found out tomorrow that the baby would be born on time and fully alive, we would still want you here."
 
Xander shrugged, his body language and tone indifferent. "I know, but you said that before, you know, developments. We're not your kids and can't ever be." He rinsed off his plate, trying to hide the trembling in his hands. "We appreciate what you did, but you're going to have someone of your own flesh and blood, right? That's better than a pair of second-bests. We understand." He turned to head back up the hallway, not wanting to make this anymore awkward than it already was.
 
"Cooger is not my blood, he is still my brother," Dark said, knowing it wouldn't make a difference. It would take time to resettle the ground, and he hoped they would get there. To be fair, it wasn't like they had any plans on kicking the twins out, and if they decided to run away when the baby was born, he knew he and Daizi would raise hell to find them again, but just saying so was meaningless.

Dark, as much as he desperately wanted this baby to live, knew from the moment Daizi told him she was late that it couldn't have happened at a worse time. If she were pregnant last year, and they already had a baby when they brought the twins in, then they wouldn't feel threatened by it, but that's not how the timing worked out.

So, he let Xander return to his bedroom, and then silently set about doing all the chores he did every night, because that, at least, had not changed.
 
Xander slipped into his room, strangely relieved to see Alec sitting on the edge of the bed. Some tiny speck inside him had feared Alec would leave without him. It made no logical sense as Alec had never, ever done anything like that before, but one never knew. He set about getting ready for bed, noticing that Alec still had black makeup around his eye. It was a good deal smudgier now and looked like the world's worst black eye crossed with a child's drawing of a sun.

"No luck in getting it off?" he asked, sitting next to his brother.

Alec sighed and shook his head. "TV makes it look easy, and I got so much on a towel that I don't know how any could be left on my skin." He touched his cheek briefly. "My eye is getting sore. I give up."

"Maybe you can stay home from school tomorrow or something," Xander suggested. "Take a day off."

"No, I can't do that. It would make people notice even more," Alec said softly.

Xander nodded and laid down. "If you're sure." After a moment, he said, "Maybe we can stay here. If the baby is born. If we do more of the chores like what Dark does, then maybe they'll appreciate us and not mind us being here. It's at least a good, safe place."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," Alec said quietly. He laid down and rolled to face the wall.

Xander fell quiet, and they both lay in silence, listening to the noises of the house while waiting for sleep.
 
Daizi was upstairs alone in her bedroom, lying on her bed. For once, not even her dog was with her, since he was about to go on a walk. Technically speaking, she was not alone, because technically speaking, she was never alone anymore. There was always one other life with her. But from a practical standpoint, she was by herself. And as all of the days' events caught up to her, she finally broke. The first half of her day was spent at work feeling like she was on the verge of death, and then she came home and terrified her foster kids because she took a nap, which made her realize she had been terrifying them for two weeks straight, which made her feel like probably the worst foster parent ever, and then she told them the truth and it didn't really make anything better. If anything, things felt worse, things were weird, she could feel it, the tension in the air, and she had tried to play-pretend like everything was normal, but nothing felt normal, and the worst part was she already loved the little lifeform floating around inside of her, so she couldn't even think, "god, why now?" or "why can't we go back to the way things were?" without feeling guilty, because she wanted the baby more than she knew how to express.

And so, taking full solace in the knowledge nothing more could possibly happen that day, she broke. With her face buried in her pillow, she sobbed. Yes, she mentally berated herself for being dramatic and childish when what those boys needed was for her to be mature and loving. But she didn't plan this, and she was just trying to do her best. She believed she would never be Alec and Xander's mother, because they already had a mother, and she didn't want to replace this ghost she never met, but even still, in her private mind, even though it hadn't even been six months living with them, she was beginning to think of them as her sons, regardless of how they conceptualized her.

And it wasn't fair, and she berated herself for thinking those words, but it wasn't: she had wanted this for so many years, but now? Now, whenever she let herself feel excited over her baby, she felt guilty because she didn't want to upset the twins, and when she was trying to focus all of her energy on them, she felt guilty for wishing her baby had come at a different time.

But by the time Dark had finished his chores and had come upstairs to get ready for bed, she was already fully passed out on top of the covers, so he didn't know.
 
The next morning, Xander got up earlier than usual and prepared for the day like nothing was different. He headed downstairs and started putting together the least smelly breakfast he could think of. Mostly toast, yogurt, and fruit. It wasn't the most bountiful of meals, but hopefully it wouldn't have Daizi gagging. While the toast was toasting, he put his backpack and everything he needed for school that day by the door.

Meanwhile, Alec had dragged himself out of bed, dressed, and went straight to the bathroom where he scrubbed at his eye until he nearly did give himself a black eye. The thick, gummy paste-like stuff just wouldn't come off. Any eyeliner he'd seen had looked a lot smoother than this stuff, and he hadn't thought twice about the amount he'd smeared all over. Now he was really wishing he had. Warm water and a hand towel were not cutting it. So, with one white towel turned grey, he snagged a pair of Daizi's spare glasses, the ones with the chip that she didn't wear much, and put them on as he walked to the table.
 
In the morning, Dark came upstairs from the basement and was rather surprised to see breakfast prepared. It wasn't an unusual place for him to come from: during the school semester he had to wake up absurdly early to fit in his exercise routine before school, so he would normally eat just enough to get him through it before coming upstairs to make real breakfast.

"Good morning," he said, pushing back his damp hair. It wasn't sweat, he had showered before coming upstairs, "thank you for breakfast." He stretched and turning to see Alec, he sort of stared at him for a few moments before asking, "why are you wearing my wife's sunglasses?"

Upstairs, Daizi lay on her back and on the advice of her doctor nibbled on saltine crackers before very slowly sitting up. Her goal for the day was to make it through a full day of work. She slid from bed and dressed herself, taking a few moments to palpate her abdomen to see if she had "popped," but of course she hadn't, it was way too soon. But even knowing that, she always checked. Then she hurried downstairs to, if she was lucky, manage to eat at least a bit of breakfast.
 
"Morning," Xander replied, glowering at the toaster as if it was holding his breakfast ransom. It was, actually, and it seemed loathe to give it up. Xander tapped the little handle. The toaster popped with a load clank, sending the bread upward so fast Xander actually jumped and skittered back a couple of steps. He gave the toaster another glower and fished the hot pieces of bread onto a plate.

Alec used the fingertips of both hands to settle the sunglasses more onto his nose. "It's a new look I'm trying," he said. "I think they suit me well."
 
Dark turned slightly towards the toaster when it ejected the toast, "I should... call Cooger to look at that," but then turned back to Alec, "did you ask her for permission?"

"Ask who?" Daizi asked as she slid into the room. She was wearing a dress with an empire waist because she did not want to fight with another waistband that day.

"You," Dark replied, turning to look at his wife and then looking at her a second time, because her dress was not new, but it was the first time v-neck fit her like it now did, "he is wearing a pair of your glasses."

"Oh, that's weird. Why?" Neither of them were angry. Daizi seemed more confused than anything.
 
"I didn't think you wore them anymore because they have a chip in them," Alec explained. "Would it bother you over much if I wore them today for fun? They are one of the simple shapes. Also, you look very stylish today."

"Toast is ready!" Xander called, slathering his own pieces with a ridiculous amount of butter. "Does anyone want jam with theirs?"

"Me, please," Alec called.

Xander grunted to show he'd heard and put far less butter on Alec's toast before heaping jam onto it.
 
"I guess so," Daizi said, "but I wish you had asked me first. And, thank you. I'm really glad I've always preferred flowy dresses. And I'm okay without butter or jam." She picked slightly at her dress and sat down, feeling thankful things seemed more normal in the morning and she hoped it stayed that way. Ultimately, she would have preferred jam, but she was trying to not take risks.

Dark went over to the counter to add jam to his own toast, because he liked to mix apple and pear, and it seemed rude to ask Xander to go to such lengths, "I am not sure they will let you wear them in class," Dark mentioned, "you know as well as I do how absurd the dress code is."

"Isn't it dark in here for you Alec?" Daizi asked
 
"No, not at all!" Alec assured her. He held out a hand and cautiously felt his way to his seat, trying to be as casual as possible as he nearly missed sitting in the seat. "It's fine. I can see well enough."

Xander glanced at his brother and rolled his eyes but said nothing. This was Alec's grave to dig if he wanted to. Xander wasn't going to try to stop him or lend a hand. Instead, he set the plate of toast in front of Daizi. "Here you go. I made four pieces just in case it sits well with you. What do you want to drink? Maybe some ginger ale? Orange juice?"
 
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