These were written around the same time as the others, I can't remember the dates, ut since they were written one after the other I will post them all at once:
Live in the Silence
Silence,
It deems to be simple enough
The darkness of my mind smiles maliciously
As the lush green hills and sunset fade away
The pen that writes the words of my soul
A soul that burns like fire in the hands of the unborn
The smiling faces of these children,
So innocent and so unknowing with broken hearts and empty homes
The sun can fade as I close my eyes,
One more time
The silent sound of the gentle breeze whispers
And the birds can sing,
But the sounds are screams
So I close them off
And the coffin that I lay in,
With the white rose in my hand
Do you scream life or death?
As my eyes open and they cover my grave with despair
I only know that I can be there
If I live my life in silence
A forgotten flame,
In the hearts of those who speak so loudly
And you can't do anything
So you live in the silence
Is that all we can do?
So I can close my eyes
And I can pretend for a while
As we live in the silence
And if we spiral down into our own minds,
Will we get lost or find something new?
My smile can determine the silence
And the wider I smile the louder the buzz
The smaller the smile,
The more the silence consumes you
And you'll let it consume you
Until you close your eyes one last time
Mechanic Smiles
My heart has fluttered out of my chest
The words that I speak become constellations
That I can't fathom into words
And my brain is so confused
Between the pains and the lies
I am lonely
Longing for something
So the mechanic smiles become something real
And I'll close my eyes
Until the words, they say fade away
And if I'm only pretending to be okay
Then I'll smile and keep going
Until they see through the façade
They can't look in my eyes
Because I'll turn away
The simple fear of them knowing
Knowing all my fears and doubts
As I try to pretend to only stay happy
But I wish I could feel
But like a machine with no heart
I am empty
The pain runs deep
And my friends don't think it's real
but, I can only smiling and be honest if I say
the smiles you see aren't real
mechanic smiles and an empty heart
have made me this way
so don't be sad
like a succubus I feed off emotions not passion
I strive to feel
I want something real
And if the blood runs deep enough to pierce my heart
Then I will die
Die knowing I felt something
But you, you make my knees weak
Make my heart skip a beat
Make me stutter
Make me blush
So are the mechanic smiles just enough
To keep this going
Can you love a heartless fool?
Can you feel the pain like I do?
If I ask you to take my hand and praise the heavens where would you go?
Can the questions that run through my head mean more than the smiles I choose to fake?
My mind and body are not connected
My soul is trapped inside a box
And my heart only aches
Like a lit match to a flame
Smiles turn to screams and my world fades
The mechanic smiles can save the day
A thousand nights before I wake, I see your face
And then the mechanic smiles aren't so fake.
Songs Written In the Dark
Love unnerves my wings
I fall into the water
Water and light makes me who we are
We can be what came before or what lasts after
We aren't children anymore
You went and stole away,
What was left of the remains of my sanity
I'll never be what is in my heart
Berate myself
You wreck me
Hide in the problem you have in your head
It's was not your fault
But mine
I really fucked it up this time
Learn for my mistakes,
It was my heart on the line
And in the night we can be so heartless
As to hide our shame and cry
Where do I begin?
The world spins as I try
As I try to figure out where I went wrong
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
You won this time
Sit my pride to the side
Tear me open look inside
Just to see how many times
You really made these eyes cry
Your presence stays
It lingers deep inside my heart
We fell to fast
And this,
This can't stop me
Why's it hurt so badly?
My heart will break for the final time
Cause' it's a mess
No more crying
Say "I'm done."
And we can blame it on the rain
You got me stuck in this mess
My only regret
The only pain I have
Is knowing I can't have you
That I lost you
Does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say or the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
I catch the breath you stole
The moment I saw you
My heart breaks at the thought
The thought of her holding you
I could be crazy
Or this could be called more than a crush
Taste the pain right on my tongue
Novocain to make me numb
I don't know when to love again
I let him in and shut him out
I don't know why or how
When I die don't love me
Hate me
When I cry don't hold me
Forget me
I find peace in solitude
And I cry
Kiss my heart better
I'm not really wanting to let go
It's my fault
All my fault
I hold onto a memory
And if you stay with me
Until I fall asleep
I wouldn't mind...
Avoid. Ignore. Repeat
Avoid.
Everything will be okay
But only
If you just stay away
Ignore.
Pretend like everything's okay
Lie and say you're sick
Hideaway in your room until everything blurs
Repeat.
Hide your tears
Just for the night
Start over again
When you see tomorrows light
Kiss it all better.
In not ready to let go
I didn't know love could hurt this much
And if it's not love its infatuation
You boost my self-esteem
Compliment me
Like a bleeding heart being stitched
You would be my crescent moon...
If you hadn't left my starry sky
I wouldn't mind
Waking up to your smile
If it wasn't broken
I thought it was a dream
So I kept pinching myself
Just so I could wake up
Reality hit and this dream...
Broke
I can never stay on the phone long
Long enough to speak to you
Why am I so self-important?
I didn't know time was of the essence
I'm talking to myself
So many questions
When I was a little girl
I expected the world
And I ran away in sleep to my own paradise
Filled with blue skies and sunshine
And people who cared
And lovers who loved deep
Life goes on
And it gets heavy
Tell me what's around the river bend
And then kiss my wounds softly to heal the aching pain
Its all my fault
The pills fuzz my brain
Ease the pain everything is not the same
Avoid. Ignore. Repeat
Avoid. Ignore. Repeat.
Avoid. Ignore. Repeat
Avoid. Repeat. Ignore
No,
Repeat. Ignore. Avoid
No, wait
Repeat. Avoid. Ignore
Repeat.....
I know I belong
When I read these words
When life gets tough I put my headphones on and disappear
I can't ignore people who aren't there
I can't avoid things without the aching pain
Avoid. Ignore. Repeat
My life is lived in vain...
HOW?
How to keep my heart intact when all there is, is pain.
How to count the days which pass.
Those of which are in vain.
How to say I love you.
When all that's left is dust.
These are the things I want to know the things my heart desires.
Your kiss your touch I want it.
To hear your voice all day long.
To listen to you play me a song.
I want it all.
To be the first one you say I love you.
To be the first to give you.
My heart
my soul
my very existence,
because without you id go ballistic.
CONFLICTED
When I think of you I feel conflicted.
You like me yet are with another.
Should I like you and bring you closer?
or stop this and push you farther.
Some words you say make me giddy.
You make me feel good about myself
and yet, it hurts to see you with her.
Oh, what to do oh what to do?
Someone help me
I'm calling out my faults
of which are your tender nature and funny style.
Should I stay or should I go?
I'm torn between two worlds not sure of what to do.
I like you but will you always feel the same.
I'm conflicted unsure of what to do
when my mind tells me no my heart screams
Yes
We are alike though many things are different.
Our personality you have one
yet I many.
Our talents your's instrumental
while I an artist.
So should I stay or should I go?
You tell me because I'm so conflicted.
ROSES
Roses are red.
And violets blue.
What do I mean to you?
You don't argue or fuss when I do.
Or even want to scream and shout.
While I'm running around screaming about.
You the torture my heart is enduring every day.
Yet you love me.
Is it true you tease me with your caring words?
I'm so confused.
And yet roses always red.
And violets always blue.
Just when I thought you were the one
it all turned out to be a lie.
And then my heart broke in tiny shards.
But I picked them up and put them back together
without you.
I turned around and you were there
with your arm around her
and I dropped my heart and it shattered again.
It's like the pain all over.
I can't cry it shows weakness
I will not let you see me cry.
See you smile and be with her.
We are secret like Romeo and Juliet
we will escape
but in the end, we will be found out
even though our inner turmoil will eat us alive and kill us both.
The voices they speak to me.
they call my name.
are they evil are they good?
They want my soul my very existence.
They will eat me alive
kill me.
but I won't die
ill stay alive
even though this pain thought of it is unbearable
ill deal with it because soon ill reach you.
I can't remember the last time I saw your face so close to mine
when we kissed. –
I feel lied to
betrayed my loves lost
it'll never stay.
It's broken shattered
did I do the right thing push away all that mattered?
I thought he didn't love me
because we were just kids
but love is all the same
at least I think it is.
To give up myself to him was the ultimate love trial
but I refused his love and his desire.
It was my own choice to push him away.
To say my heart the pain and ache.
So then why does my heart hurt worse the before?
My hands are shaking I'm close to tears again
crying myself to sleep like I did when I was a child.
I'm not used to being loved
only used to being hurt
so why can't he see the reasons behind pushing him away.
If he hadn't been so mean I would have stayed.
My alter selves are acting up
all angry and sad.
My love life's a muck.
How do I stop the pain in my heart
like a sharp glass shard.
To love is to die
and I want to live
but to push away love it the utmost sin.
I'm dying slowly life from my eyes fading
the world is blank
I have nothing to live for.
I am dead and will always be.
To kill myself, set my soul free?
To love is to die
and I want to live
but to push away love
is the utmost sin......
Unnamed
Che non men che saver, dubbiar m'aggrata
Chè per vendetta mai non sanò piaga
Che sarà sarà
Che talor cresce una beltà un bel manto
Chi ama, crede
Chi be vive, ben muore
Chi bestia va a Roma bestia ritorna
Chi cerca mal, mal trova
Chi ha l'amor nel petto, ha lo sprone a'fianchi
Chi la dura la vince
Chi lar dura la vince
Chi non fa, non Falla
Chi più sa, meno parla
Ciò che Dio vuole, Io voglio
Corre lontano chi non torna mai
Così fan tutte
Così fan tutti
Cui niente sa, di niente dubita