Random Collection of Eloquence

Mai_able

Forest Faerie
I don't like to show off my poetry. But, I was thinking it might help.
I will put a trigger warning here, a lot of these are old and angsty. Some a dark, and for the safety of my fellow Storyteller's mental health, I don't want to set anyone off. If you feel like the poem is bothering you, please skip to the next one or just stop entirely.
I say this because I care :)

Please Enjoy
 
I wrote this poem back in 2015, I was a senior in high school. The teacher that supervised the poetry club liked my poetry and suggested I entered a contest, called Piano Slam. I won, and this is the poem I did it with:

Tunes for the Restless

The beating drum

Of my heart,

Matches the melodic harmony

Of the music

My heart feels trapped

Trapped behind the accelerando

Of the tempo

FORTE! She screams

FORTE!

The sounds beat in my ears

Until the outside world

Becomes a lyrical blur

Music is a hallucinogenic

I begin to lucidly dream as the music plays

The memories of my life become an out of body experience

It makes me think

I become a lonely person

I become depressed

Music calms me like the sound of soft waves crashing again the soles of my feet

Words have so much meaning

I become angry

And the music become nostalgic

Even though I hurt, the music is uplifting

It sings me to sleep where life is better

Whenever I feel alone

I put on my headphones

So I can escape

To my world filled with words

Where the rhythm

Of my soul,

Sways to the melody that

Understands

Down this long winding road of songs

I dare call life

Music is the only sane recollection of my mind

I have left

Because when I am gone

And my bones dissolve into the ashes for the heavens to take,

And my face has long since been forgotten,

And the playlist filled with songs on my phone are deleted

I will live on

Because,

The words I write here will live on

They will live in your hearts forever

This is a ballad of my life

An anthem for the ones who isolate themselves

From the world so they don't have to hurt

We don't want to feel this nulling pain anymore

I DON'T WANT TO HURT!

This is NOT and aria

But it could be

With the worlds I write, I could sing

My vocal hymn to the broken 0nes

This could be a Capella

Were it not for the accompaniment of your soul next to mine

Not the piano I play as I shed tears

This poem is

Allegro con brio

Mi Amore Cadenza

I am a soloist

But my heart sings the song

Of my dying existence with many

And for this I can live

I can breathe

Without music

I am nothing

I couldn't dare live

The tunes in my head would be invalid

The acoustic cover to my aching heart

Do you ever wonder why the music gets you hot?

Music takes me on a ride

Like a bipolar train to therapy

One minute im so sad I wish my entire existence

Would just cease

The next moment im as happy as a child

A small child learning how to play piano forte for the first time in music class

Music is my growing system

It's the tree of life

The book of life

Sometimes I love it too much

The music I listen to

The lyrics I hear,

I feel as though each crescendo of words

Had been written just for me

I am a song

The harmony is soft

And the lyrics are strong

The beat is slow

And as I live on the song grows

As I lie awake in my bed wondering what life means

I contemplate the things I've done

And I write the tunes for the restless
 
I wrote this in my freshman year of college, about a boy. It was on a whim, and I was sitting in the poetry club not knowing what to write. So I tried something new:

He's underhanded

Tied by the strings of un-commitment

But, I cut them

I stepped into his life like a demon searching for sins

I purified his misfortune

With these hands I cleansed

Every day is a trial

Every moment,

One step back

The girls around him always ready to attack

Snap back

Leaching to him like lost spirits searching for the gates of hell

To me their just dogs who need leashes

Yes

I could ignore like I've always done

But now

Enough is enough

EHEM

Listen pup,

Go back to your cage

The dog catcher's waiting so do behave

Woof woof

Good girl

Sit down

Let's go out back so,

I can put you down

I'm not being funny

Just saying how I feel

But you're acting like a pig

Smells like trash

I can hear you squeal

From a mile away

Okay now if you would please do your job

I want a double cheeseburger

Large fries

No sauce

Someone call a doctor

I think I just fainted

The dumb ass look on your face

Has me to elated

I'm not trying to be funny

I only speak how I feel

And if you would leave him be

Then it'd be no big deal

Like an angel

I come at you with grace

Like a dog

You just shit all over the place

With my hands I purify

With your hands you taint

Ewe please don't touch me

You unholy-

Wait

Let me reassess myself

Seems I've stepped down to your level

I wasn't trying to be rude

But

I'm just saying

Your knees must hurt

And it ain't from praying

I'm not saying you're a whore

But you're sure not innocent

Reaching your hand down his pants

Was oh so convenient

Yes

He's loyal

He told you

No

I'm not worried about him

I'm worried about you

And you're Ehem

Fellow hoes

Looks like I'll go back to the garden

And pull up some weeds

Bitch please

You're like an allergy-

Excuse me I have to sneeze

....

Achoo

I think I made my point

I do so hope I was clear

Dogs

Stay in the kennel

And I'll be out here

DON'T

Touch what's mine

Or I'll bring some

Shock collars

Stand taller

Just to beat you down

Awe poor pup

Turn that smile to a frown

No no bad

Bad dog! Sit down!

You think it's funny but,

I will take you to the pound

Listen carefully

You dirty mutt

Stupid slut

Hold on I've lost track of my words again

Okay here I am

What's mine is mine

So stay away

And if you touch him

Well

....

I might accidentally

Break your face
 
These were written around the same time as the others, I can't remember the dates, ut since they were written one after the other I will post them all at once:

Live in the Silence

Silence,

It deems to be simple enough

The darkness of my mind smiles maliciously

As the lush green hills and sunset fade away

The pen that writes the words of my soul

A soul that burns like fire in the hands of the unborn

The smiling faces of these children,

So innocent and so unknowing with broken hearts and empty homes

The sun can fade as I close my eyes,

One more time

The silent sound of the gentle breeze whispers

And the birds can sing,

But the sounds are screams

So I close them off

And the coffin that I lay in,

With the white rose in my hand

Do you scream life or death?

As my eyes open and they cover my grave with despair

I only know that I can be there

If I live my life in silence

A forgotten flame,

In the hearts of those who speak so loudly

And you can't do anything

So you live in the silence

Is that all we can do?

So I can close my eyes

And I can pretend for a while

As we live in the silence

And if we spiral down into our own minds,

Will we get lost or find something new?

My smile can determine the silence

And the wider I smile the louder the buzz

The smaller the smile,

The more the silence consumes you

And you'll let it consume you

Until you close your eyes one last time


Mechanic Smiles

My heart has fluttered out of my chest

The words that I speak become constellations

That I can't fathom into words

And my brain is so confused

Between the pains and the lies

I am lonely

Longing for something

So the mechanic smiles become something real

And I'll close my eyes

Until the words, they say fade away

And if I'm only pretending to be okay

Then I'll smile and keep going

Until they see through the façade

They can't look in my eyes

Because I'll turn away

The simple fear of them knowing

Knowing all my fears and doubts

As I try to pretend to only stay happy

But I wish I could feel

But like a machine with no heart

I am empty

The pain runs deep

And my friends don't think it's real

but, I can only smiling and be honest if I say

the smiles you see aren't real

mechanic smiles and an empty heart

have made me this way

so don't be sad

like a succubus I feed off emotions not passion

I strive to feel

I want something real

And if the blood runs deep enough to pierce my heart

Then I will die

Die knowing I felt something

But you, you make my knees weak

Make my heart skip a beat

Make me stutter

Make me blush

So are the mechanic smiles just enough

To keep this going

Can you love a heartless fool?

Can you feel the pain like I do?

If I ask you to take my hand and praise the heavens where would you go?

Can the questions that run through my head mean more than the smiles I choose to fake?

My mind and body are not connected

My soul is trapped inside a box

And my heart only aches

Like a lit match to a flame

Smiles turn to screams and my world fades

The mechanic smiles can save the day

A thousand nights before I wake, I see your face

And then the mechanic smiles aren't so fake.


Songs Written In the Dark

Love unnerves my wings

I fall into the water

Water and light makes me who we are

We can be what came before or what lasts after

We aren't children anymore

You went and stole away,

What was left of the remains of my sanity

I'll never be what is in my heart

Berate myself

You wreck me

Hide in the problem you have in your head

It's was not your fault

But mine

I really fucked it up this time

Learn for my mistakes,

It was my heart on the line

And in the night we can be so heartless

As to hide our shame and cry

Where do I begin?

The world spins as I try

As I try to figure out where I went wrong

I'm done

I'm done

I'm done

You won this time

Sit my pride to the side

Tear me open look inside

Just to see how many times

You really made these eyes cry

Your presence stays

It lingers deep inside my heart

We fell to fast

And this,

This can't stop me

Why's it hurt so badly?

My heart will break for the final time

Cause' it's a mess

No more crying

Say "I'm done."

And we can blame it on the rain

You got me stuck in this mess

My only regret

The only pain I have

Is knowing I can't have you

That I lost you

Does she look at you the way I do?

Try to understand the words you say or the way you move?

Does she get the same big rush,

When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?

I catch the breath you stole

The moment I saw you

My heart breaks at the thought

The thought of her holding you

I could be crazy

Or this could be called more than a crush

Taste the pain right on my tongue

Novocain to make me numb

I don't know when to love again

I let him in and shut him out

I don't know why or how

When I die don't love me

Hate me

When I cry don't hold me

Forget me

I find peace in solitude

And I cry

Kiss my heart better

I'm not really wanting to let go

It's my fault

All my fault

I hold onto a memory

And if you stay with me

Until I fall asleep

I wouldn't mind...


Avoid. Ignore. Repeat

Avoid.

Everything will be okay

But only

If you just stay away

Ignore.

Pretend like everything's okay

Lie and say you're sick

Hideaway in your room until everything blurs

Repeat.

Hide your tears

Just for the night

Start over again

When you see tomorrows light

Kiss it all better.

In not ready to let go

I didn't know love could hurt this much

And if it's not love its infatuation

You boost my self-esteem

Compliment me

Like a bleeding heart being stitched

You would be my crescent moon...

If you hadn't left my starry sky

I wouldn't mind

Waking up to your smile

If it wasn't broken

I thought it was a dream

So I kept pinching myself

Just so I could wake up

Reality hit and this dream...

Broke

I can never stay on the phone long

Long enough to speak to you

Why am I so self-important?

I didn't know time was of the essence

I'm talking to myself

So many questions

When I was a little girl

I expected the world

And I ran away in sleep to my own paradise

Filled with blue skies and sunshine

And people who cared

And lovers who loved deep

Life goes on

And it gets heavy

Tell me what's around the river bend

And then kiss my wounds softly to heal the aching pain

Its all my fault

The pills fuzz my brain

Ease the pain everything is not the same

Avoid. Ignore. Repeat

Avoid. Ignore. Repeat.

Avoid. Ignore. Repeat

Avoid. Repeat. Ignore

No,

Repeat. Ignore. Avoid

No, wait

Repeat. Avoid. Ignore

Repeat.....

I know I belong

When I read these words

When life gets tough I put my headphones on and disappear

I can't ignore people who aren't there

I can't avoid things without the aching pain

Avoid. Ignore. Repeat

My life is lived in vain...


HOW?

How to keep my heart intact when all there is, is pain.

How to count the days which pass.

Those of which are in vain.

How to say I love you.

When all that's left is dust.

These are the things I want to know the things my heart desires.

Your kiss your touch I want it.

To hear your voice all day long.

To listen to you play me a song.

I want it all.

To be the first one you say I love you.

To be the first to give you.

My heart

my soul

my very existence,

because without you id go ballistic.


CONFLICTED

When I think of you I feel conflicted.

You like me yet are with another.

Should I like you and bring you closer?

or stop this and push you farther.

Some words you say make me giddy.

You make me feel good about myself

and yet, it hurts to see you with her.

Oh, what to do oh what to do?

Someone help me

I'm calling out my faults

of which are your tender nature and funny style.

Should I stay or should I go?

I'm torn between two worlds not sure of what to do.

I like you but will you always feel the same.

I'm conflicted unsure of what to do

when my mind tells me no my heart screams

Yes

We are alike though many things are different.

Our personality you have one

yet I many.

Our talents your's instrumental

while I an artist.

So should I stay or should I go?

You tell me because I'm so conflicted.


ROSES

Roses are red.

And violets blue.

What do I mean to you?

You don't argue or fuss when I do.

Or even want to scream and shout.

While I'm running around screaming about.

You the torture my heart is enduring every day.

Yet you love me.

Is it true you tease me with your caring words?

I'm so confused.

And yet roses always red.

And violets always blue.

Just when I thought you were the one

it all turned out to be a lie.

And then my heart broke in tiny shards.

But I picked them up and put them back together

without you.

I turned around and you were there

with your arm around her

and I dropped my heart and it shattered again.

It's like the pain all over.

I can't cry it shows weakness

I will not let you see me cry.

See you smile and be with her.

We are secret like Romeo and Juliet

we will escape

but in the end, we will be found out

even though our inner turmoil will eat us alive and kill us both.

The voices they speak to me.

they call my name.

are they evil are they good?

They want my soul my very existence.

They will eat me alive

kill me.

but I won't die

ill stay alive

even though this pain thought of it is unbearable

ill deal with it because soon ill reach you.

I can't remember the last time I saw your face so close to mine

when we kissed. –

I feel lied to

betrayed my loves lost

it'll never stay.

It's broken shattered

did I do the right thing push away all that mattered?

I thought he didn't love me

because we were just kids

but love is all the same

at least I think it is.

To give up myself to him was the ultimate love trial

but I refused his love and his desire.

It was my own choice to push him away.

To say my heart the pain and ache.

So then why does my heart hurt worse the before?

My hands are shaking I'm close to tears again

crying myself to sleep like I did when I was a child.

I'm not used to being loved

only used to being hurt

so why can't he see the reasons behind pushing him away.

If he hadn't been so mean I would have stayed.

My alter selves are acting up

all angry and sad.

My love life's a muck.

How do I stop the pain in my heart

like a sharp glass shard.

To love is to die

and I want to live

but to push away love it the utmost sin.

I'm dying slowly life from my eyes fading

the world is blank

I have nothing to live for.

I am dead and will always be.

To kill myself, set my soul free?

To love is to die

and I want to live

but to push away love

is the utmost sin......



Unnamed

Che non men che saver, dubbiar m'aggrata
Chè per vendetta mai non sanò piaga
Che sarà sarà
Che talor cresce una beltà un bel manto
Chi ama, crede
Chi be vive, ben muore
Chi bestia va a Roma bestia ritorna
Chi cerca mal, mal trova
Chi ha l'amor nel petto, ha lo sprone a'fianchi
Chi la dura la vince
Chi lar dura la vince
Chi non fa, non Falla
Chi più sa, meno parla
Ciò che Dio vuole, Io voglio
Corre lontano chi non torna mai
Così fan tutte
Così fan tutti
Cui niente sa, di niente dubita
 
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