Demon's Broken Promise Removed

TMITM

Megalomaniacal Arbiter
Appearance: Normally wears a dark blue cloak, with darkness dripping from the hood and sleeves, respecting the two leaders that came before him. This is not his true form, though. No one besides his brother knows about it, but it is there. He is humanoid, and has sparse feathers on his arms and between his shoulder blades. His eyes are green, with a golden ring around his irises.

Name: Revan

Age: 23, or 2300

Gender: Male

Race: Demon

Clan: Ravinca

Rank: Leader

Role: Leader

Weapons: Two chains that have sharp edges and needle-like points which can be filled with poison. They hide in his sleeves normally, lashing out unexpectedly when his powers of negotiation fail.
He doesn't use them much, but he has, at his home, dual broadswords.

(I'm sorry this is a bit sparse. I'll add to it as the character develops.)

Passive Abilities: Heightened speed and strength, senses, flexibility.
Passive Inabilities: Cannot breathe air tainted by humans. For this reason, he wears a mask/filter that also distorts his voice kylo ren style. No one besides his brother knows about it. It is his most closely guarded secret as it is a potential weakness.
He also cannot lie when he is speaking in The Ancient Language of the Ravinca Clan, also making oaths spoken in that language binding.

Active Abilities:
Clan Ability - The Storm {Revan can summon (Consciously or subconsciously) a storm, a hurricane with himself at its eye, that is made up from the darkness of emotion. It is very hard to control and deadly when it gets out of hand. If you haven't trained your whole life to control it, it's easy to lose control.
Personal Abilities
Electrokinesis {Can control electricity. Once again, Advanced abilities or subsets beyond basic attacks with this power are out of his reach.
He can draw electricity into and force it out of his body, so technology operating around him is potentially a problem.
Once he releases the Electricity from his body, he has no control over where it goes, and if done incorrectly, or held too long, it will shock him instead. If he's not careful, the electricity can shred clothing and melt armor, a potentially dangerous scenario.
He will also become paralyzed temporarily if he uses too much.}
Umbrakinesis {Can control shadows. Advanced abilities such as teleportation through darkness or weapon manifestation are out of his reach as of now.}
Subset: Wing Manifestation {Basically shadow wings. They are physical, not ethereal, but appear outside of his clothes so he doesn't have to have specialized clothing.}
Photokinesis {Can control light. Advanced abilities such as invisibility or [Potentially] explosions are out of his reach as of now. Click the link to know more.}
His Umrakinesis and Photokinesis can be either ethereal (such as black or glowing smoke), or physical (such as his wings.) - the light is brought on by relatively 'good' emotions such as kindness and happiness, whereas the dark is brought on by anger, hate, and fear. Peace and Contentedness are sort of a middle ground, a place where he can use both - but are both very hard states to use in battle for him, as he is very emotionally driven.

Every ability except his lie detector can be weakened or negated entirely by Glumisun's words, voice, magic, or mere presence. He cannot use his abilities against her. (The Angel also does this, but she left, so the point is moot.)
She can also make them more powerful, but only a little.


Likes: Training, solving problems without conflict, flying and the sky, improving relations, doing things by himself.

Dislikes: The lack of freedom coming from his station, his inabilities, and not knowing things.

Personality: Although he is young, he wants to be a wise and good leader. He has an unusual grim determination.

Bio: His father died when the treaty was broken, and he never knew his mother. He has spent his whole life trying to master his clan ability, but he can't seem to get it. This frustrated him, as he knows he can do so much more with his abilities and he wants to master it as his father did. He asked the Caretaker, who said "The light and Dark go hand in hand. Two sides of the same coin. You must know the Dark to master the Light, and you must know the Light to master the Dark. You cannot master one without the other. Balance is key." He then sent him to the ocean with the instructions "Stop the tide." He tried. Eventually, he came back and admitted that he could not. The Caretaker nodded. "Good," he said. "One of the most valuable lessons a leader can learn is to accept when a situation is out of their control. Use this to unlock your powers. You will know when the time comes. You know the Dark well, but you have yet to see the Light. Find something that makes you happy above all others. That will help." Since then, he has not been able to find this thing, and it frustrates him.

Extras:
His Clan Crest is on the back of his neck.

He has two birds, loyal to his family, both of which sit on perches attached to his chair whenever he is in meetings. They always seem to know more than they let on, often issuing garbled lines of poetry, and seem to be able to tell if someone is lying. After some study, it was found that what they said often came true, often in a twisted and odd fashion. While they will speak in and seem to understand all languages, implying that they hear telepathically, they only respond to orders in the Ancient Language of the Ravinca Clan, the language that the Founder and his forefathers spoke. Their names are Huginn and Muninn. They have a connection, so much so that they are more entity than two. Revan's bond with them is an extension of this, so he can hear what they hear, see what they see, and they can do the same.

Yes, they can!

Huginn - Is a White bird with Black eyes. He will always tell you to do the right thing, but when asked a question, it will always lie.
Muninn - Is a Blackbird with White eyes. He will always tell you to do the wrong thing, but when asked a question, he will always tell the truth.

His most prized possession is a family heirloom, Death's Sickle. It is said that his distant ancestor defeated death and took his sickle, granting demons long life. Nevertheless, it is a powerful artifact. He never uses it. A single cut from this weapon will immediately sever your soul from your body and will grant you complete control over the dead. Its power is addictive, so much that people have committed their entire lives wasting away with it. He keeps it locked away deep within the bowels of his estate, allowing no one to come near it or even know about it.
Second is a circlet that rests upon his brow, the iron shaped like feathers, a strange gem, the God's Tear, in the middle of it. No one usually sees it, as it is hidden behind his cloak.
His father had let him and his brother choose a weapon to train in. Revan chose double broadswords, close-ranged weapons that require great skill to wield. He still practices with the weapons, because it is one of the only connections he has with his father. He is very skilled with them.


MUSIC (I actually listen to these songs as I write him.)
RISE
Seven Nation Army Remix (epic)
Everything Black
Birds
 
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Very nice character so far.
However, I do ask you change and edit a few of things please.

First, please change the title of the thread to the name of your character and put beside it that you are the leader of Ravinca. So...in the end it should be: Revan -- Ravinca Leader <-- Or at least something similar to that.

Second, if you could add a picture that represents your character in both his human form and demon form...I'd be greatly appreciated.

Third, can you specify a bit about what you can do with light and dark as well as the electricity powers of yours. Since you also need to add weaknesses for these three powers to be able to limit them.

Fourth, you need a clan ability that is your trump card and considered your strongest ability since you are a leader. Remember, that because you are Ravinca's leader. Your clan power has to do something with ravens or crows in someway.

That's about it. Thank you.
 
I included links to click on in the original concept. I can explain more, though. Just checking that you were aware. I include links because I get tired of explaining it and the website does it better than I could ever.

I'll try again, but... I couldn't find an image that did it justice, mainly because the images in my head are so specific, and I don't want to spend a paragraph critiquing it. I would show you the concept art I did, but it's a freaking mess.
 
@TMITM
None of your abilities are showing any weakness to them. You are going to need to write a weakness for each of your abilities to balance them out.
 
I’d like to point out, in its current state, what is stopping him from combining his personal Actives into a giant storm? Seems pretty clear you just used the Clan Ability as a dump so you could keep the powers you want.
 
@happydeath
That is why I put his inability to breathe human air -so he has to keep his mask on because eventually, he'll pass out. Along with the truth filter, I thought that would balance everything out nicely.
(I added that) Right now, he also doesn't have very much control over his abilities, as he hasn't found the Light yet.
@Sanity43217
Well, the clan ability (as happydeath stated) is a trump card. He wouldn't be able to summon anything that powerful or on that scale if he wasn't the leader - at least not without killing himself, placing him below a leader so he couldn't kill them immediately with brute force. The burden of the Storm would be lifted from him.
Again, this is all hypothetical until it actually happens. I am just preparing for it, as the loss of his powers would devastate him and make him a potential enemy, neither of which I wish to happen.
 
@TMITM
Him having to tell the truth and him having to wear a mask just so he doesn't breathe 'human air' is not a balance for the powers.
Just because he has to tell the truth does not mean his powers are limited in anyway, samething with the breathing air thing...this also includes the fact that he doesn't have control of his powers..if anything, it just means he can 'lose control' and go crazy with his powers only to point out further that it is just giving him a chance to go wild with it even if it is unintentional.

When I say weaknesses...I mean, something about each ability that actually affects him or possibly will affect him if he uses his abilities.
An example of this would be:
His electricity manipulation could affect him in such a way that whenever he uses the ability he is at risk of becoming a sort of lightning rod that the more electricity he summons or uses, the higher the chance he may end up causing electricity from cables or other sources nearby to end up striking him instead and harm him instead of his controlled electricity...OR...the more he uses it, the more electricity that flows through his body and if he exerts himself too much than he can end up paralyzing himself temporarily.

His light or shadow manipulation...maybe if there is no light source...he cannot use the ability..or if there are no shadows same thing.

I believe what @Sanity43217 is trying to bring up is the fact that you did not really remove the abilities in any sense..you merely added into detail what his clan ability is...which is to create a storm (assuming of just wind and lightning and all that) that grows with his emotion and such. However, if the shadow manipulation/light manipulation is in anyway apart of that clan ability..it would be removed in the process of removing the clan ability. If the light/shadow manipulation do not have to do ANYTHING with the storm, than you are able to keep it...however, this again brings up my previous statement about needing weaknesses for each of your abilities as everyone else has done to avoid to being able to summon light or control light and shadows to the extent that he can just create a storm of pure demonic energy out of light, darkness and electricity.
 
@happydeath @Sanity43217
I added more weaknesses.
And no, the Light and the Darkness are not part of it, they can just be mixed with it, which is what he did unconsciously.
And he is the source of darkness, whereas he needs to find the source of light that would allow him to control it.
 
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