The Adventures of Aeya Mera

[Kadaeux]

PROLOGUE: Wakey Wakey.​

I am Aeya Mera, freelance assassin, or I was, I was married to Nate Mera, though he was part of my cover we had a child, it was to be expected, I even studied law and became a lawyer before the world went awry. It began on October 23, 2077 when an obnoxious little beast of a man came to my door to offer me a position in the vault, oh how I looked down at that small pretentious little salesman offering us a position in his ants nest.

Despite my protestations Nate was happy to fill the paperwork, I would have preferred he not because then perhaps I would not be in this mess. Because that is the day the bombs fell and everything I knew ended. I rushed for that vault the little obnoxious zit of a man peddled, clinging to that last vestige of hope like a mere pleb off of the street. Those paydays waiting to happen.

I knew something was very wrong when they said I was being 'depressurised' in preparation for going deeper into the vault. This sissy hole in the hill wasn't nearly deep enough for that, and if it was an apocalypse shelter if anything the pressure should be higher to create a positive pressure environment, so any leaks didn't allow radiation and poisoned air in. But by then this goddamned coffin had closed over me.

Nap time.

I don't know how long it's been, feels like a while, but i'm still trapped in this coffin, groggy and freezing when I see Nate, that poor sap whose marriage covered my comings and goings for such a long time but he clutched my son. And a woman in radiation clothing was with him, the man wore no protec....

SONOFABITCH! He was holding my kid and this fucker just shot him! The chance of ricochet, this fucker is... they're taking my kid!

I'll remember you too you motherfucking fuck. When I find you i'm going to shove the biggest gun I can find up your as, wiggle it until I find the Gspot and pull the goddamn trigger! And when your brains are leaking out of your nose i'll... I dunno, have a trained dog fuck the hole or something! Murdering fuck.

I've woken up again, fuckers froze me... but this time I have freed myself, but yup. Nate's dead. Didn't even defrost properly. Ah well, i've taken his wedding ring, might be worth something on the outside, gold is always worth something. Probably sell mine too, not like I need it anymore....

But time to go hunting.

 

[Kadaeux]

It turns out, that after being defrosted, in a place with a 'failed cryogenic array' that it's colder than a witches tit in here. And the way the PA keeps bitching this place is about as heavily broken as the kneecaps of Mike Moroney after I got paid to get some money back he'd taken from his moneylender.

Congrats computer. Like I hadn't guessed that most of these cans were full of human popsicles. Well, not quite the bitching about everything defrosting was a little annoying to be honest. But i'm moving on, and goddamned if I didn't see the largest roach ever since I put a bullet in that mobster a week back, plus however long I was asleep. But hey, I found a nice extendable baton.

There it is! You didn't fucking believe me did you. Well, my boots were a little small, but the Baton bashed it in nicely enough. What I wouldn't have done for a good baseball bat or I dunno, a gun though...

Hmm. Fuck knows when I am going to find food next, and hey, protein is protein right?

Okay. It's starting to look a little grim, either i've been out for a while or this is the worst bachelor pad ever. Not even a Mr Handy or Servotron to clean up. Though I did find a game still in the computer, pocketed it for later.

 

[Kadaeux]

Gods above, this place is an OH&S nightmare, not only are there plenty of these fucking roaches running around, but whoever did this has no idea about basic safety design. No safety breakers, no faraday cage, I can't even see a....

Ok, not a bachelor pad unless they go in for really elaborate pranks, not only was there more protein, but this guy's been there a while.

OH SWEET, this guy had a gun, drugs and had plugged himself, so i'll be taking that stuff. Turns out he sort of ran the joint too. But it's quite clear he was not getting a performance bonus, even his own desk was dirty as a Thai hooker after a US carrier pulls in for shore leave.

I do like the gun though, and the drugs might help pick me up if things look a little grim. OH WOW. Holy shit... how the fuck do I get into this.... nope, can't do it. Maybe i'll train a dog to pick locks or something and come back later.

More damned roaches on the way out and I finally find the entrance, yeah this shitty thing is how I got in. But there was some more ammo and shit and... oooh.

High Steve, you appear to have something of mine.

No, really. Leggo of it.

Looks much better on me don't you think Steve. No Steve, you don't because you're dead and I have a shiny, so shut up. I'm not deranged yet.

 

[Kadaeux]

Well this damned thing doesn't have me at all! I'm positively lovable, maybe they mean Steve? Stupid Pip-Boy. But it's the damned key to the castle. OOH! Big red button!

In hindsight, I am really really glad that was for the door, not a self-destruct in case of invasion or anything, that would have been really hard to explain at the Pearly Gates and I have enough to talk about when I get there already.

I feel like this sign should have been at the top, isn't it a little late to say not to load it with combustibles or animals only to see the sign when you reach the bottom?

Well. Fuck. Dunno what the hell I expected, but since some douchbag and a geek come and kidnap my son I expected something a little less exploded. HEY! I can see my house from here. Pity that robot of mine probably got fried in the nukes blast. But fuckit. I'm going to see what's left of the old stomping ground...

Hehe, losers. These idiots are the worst at avoiding nuclear apocalypses. Clearly runners-up.

Damn, shit held up pretty well. Not like those news shows said at all. Wait, what the fuck is that.

No way... No fucking way.

First of all, no you fucking don't Codsworth, you're a robot. Second of all, how the fuck is my Housebot not only still here but still goddamned flying and even on. I know for a fact I only had one fuel tank in the house... how many people has he murdered to keep running. I'm glad I have my gun, will he ... yup he recognised me.

No, but I thought EMP might...

 

[Kadaeux]

Well gods damned but my robot seems to have gone moderately retarded.

Dead dipshit.

Yes. A distraction, that'll bring him back. Not that it matters, my kid has been taken you oblivious clanker! If you'd stop your sobbing for....

Well ain't that just a goddamned bitch. The bloody robot could at least have tried to fix the house.

Oh, 210, well excuuuuse me if I don't just fawn in apology but you said 200 you piece of shit.

What the hell, who programs a damned robot for clinical depression. The damned thing is actually sobbing and crying at me.

Damned robot gave me a holotape from dear old dead Nate. Great, more shit to carry until I can pawn it off....

Damn me if this robot ain't a roller coaster of emotions, ranging from clinically depressed, to half ranting about how to clean my nuked car to clingy all in one. Yes Codsworth, it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself before I feel obliged to feel sorry for you too.

 

[Kadaeux]

Well Codsworth suggested we look around the town for my family, despite me leaving the frozen corpse of one in a hole in the ground, I'm sure the kidnapper is just sitting in one of these broken down hovels pointing and giggling at the robot...

It's humming.... why is it humming?

Apparently he's not bad at killing these oversized flies.... this world went to shit fast, oh wait 200 years. Not all that fast then but still did nobody think to stock up on mortein or something?

Oh for fucks sake, it's crying again, the goddamned robot is crying again...

I'm going to find these folk. I hope they don't cry nearly as much as this goddamned robot has, I remember Concord, did a few jobs there.