Blue winter rose
Active Member
So, I got inspired and wrote this short story about Aymar and Ilyrana. Well, I hoped to get some feedback on it to improve my writing. Don’t be afraid to be picky, as long as you bring the feedback in a normal nice way.
The day Roshia died
The day Roshia died
As soon as Aymar saw his sister standing silently moveless, as if all will to life had left her, he knew something was wrong, very wrong. He directly walked in her direction ignoring the guards standing around and wrapped his arms around her. “what is wrong?” he softly whispered in her ear but, the only answer he got were tears. He softly pushed her a little bit away from him so he could look in her eyes. “hey..” he started but, the pain in the eyes of his sister took away all his words. Never did he saw such a pain in those eyes, eyes that he knew better than his own.
“Prince Aymar’ a voice behind him “prince Aymar. I am sorry to say it but, your mother Roshia Nailia returned to the goddess.” With those words, a part of his world crumbled down. “No” he whispered shaking his head, hopelessly he looked at his sister but, even his sister who always had something to say to lift him up, was out of words. In a haze he heard something about an ambush and that they stood no change. Anger took over sadness and as he pulled his sister closer, he whispered in her ear. “I will make sure that whoever did this will suffer, no matter what it takes. I promise you”. He didn’t even know if he would be surprised or not when he felt his sister stiffen up in his arms and whisper “no, please don’t”
“Why,” he said pushing his sister away a bit rougher this time. “You are more important, the living are more important, please don’t put yourself and the clan at stake for revenge.” He heard his sister say, her voice trembling with emotion. “What do you suggest I do then? Let them get away with this? Let them take over our lands, let them hurt more.’ Aymar heard himself say, scream actually pushing his sister away from him. Never had he screamed at her before and the way she looked at him broke his heart in pieces. “stay alive and help me make an end to this war.” Where the words she said back. “That won’t work, Ily, you don’t understand,” he said to her trying to bring some sense in her but, it was all hopeless “No, you do not understand,” Ily said loudly. “Ily..” he said, but Ilyrana didn’t let him finish his sentence. “We will fight if we have to, but I believe we can solve this with negotiation. I will not allow anyone to die under my watch.” She said more confident Aymar had ever seen her. “I can’t let you do that, they will hurt you.” Aymar answered putting his hands on her shoulders. “listen brother, I am the leader of the clan now. I will try negotiation and try to resolve this war without more people dying. No matter the costs.” His sister answered doing a step backwards. When he looked into her eyes, he saw confidence and bravery had taken over the sadness in her eyes. That shimmer in her eyes he knows so well. At that moment he was proud on her if only it wasn't a very stupid idea that was going to get them all killed.
“Ily, that's stupidity” Aymar brought in but Ilyrana already seemed to make up her mind. “Maybe, but I will try and you can’t stop me. Now excuse me I have to prepare a funeral.” She said and with those words, she walked out of the room leaving Aymar behind.
Breathless Aymar watched his sister leave the room and that moment he knew, he didn’t only lose his mother that day but also his sister. Never before they had a disagreement and Aymar could feel the guards in the room hold their breath. Too nervous to say something or maybe they just couldn’t find the words for what just happened. He couldn't possibly blame them for that though. “prince Aymar.” One tried, speaking softly reaching out for his shoulder. “No, don’t, go and make sure my sister is safe,” Aymar spoke his voice sounding emotionless and cold. His sister was wrong, the only way to make an end to this was to fight.
The day Roshia died
The day Roshia died
As soon as Aymar saw his sister standing silently moveless, as if all will to life had left her, he knew something was wrong, very wrong. He directly walked in her direction ignoring the guards standing around and wrapped his arms around her. “what is wrong?” he softly whispered in her ear but, the only answer he got were tears. He softly pushed her a little bit away from him so he could look in her eyes. “hey..” he started but, the pain in the eyes of his sister took away all his words. Never did he saw such a pain in those eyes, eyes that he knew better than his own.
“Prince Aymar’ a voice behind him “prince Aymar. I am sorry to say it but, your mother Roshia Nailia returned to the goddess.” With those words, a part of his world crumbled down. “No” he whispered shaking his head, hopelessly he looked at his sister but, even his sister who always had something to say to lift him up, was out of words. In a haze he heard something about an ambush and that they stood no change. Anger took over sadness and as he pulled his sister closer, he whispered in her ear. “I will make sure that whoever did this will suffer, no matter what it takes. I promise you”. He didn’t even know if he would be surprised or not when he felt his sister stiffen up in his arms and whisper “no, please don’t”
“Why,” he said pushing his sister away a bit rougher this time. “You are more important, the living are more important, please don’t put yourself and the clan at stake for revenge.” He heard his sister say, her voice trembling with emotion. “What do you suggest I do then? Let them get away with this? Let them take over our lands, let them hurt more.’ Aymar heard himself say, scream actually pushing his sister away from him. Never had he screamed at her before and the way she looked at him broke his heart in pieces. “stay alive and help me make an end to this war.” Where the words she said back. “That won’t work, Ily, you don’t understand,” he said to her trying to bring some sense in her but, it was all hopeless “No, you do not understand,” Ily said loudly. “Ily..” he said, but Ilyrana didn’t let him finish his sentence. “We will fight if we have to, but I believe we can solve this with negotiation. I will not allow anyone to die under my watch.” She said more confident Aymar had ever seen her. “I can’t let you do that, they will hurt you.” Aymar answered putting his hands on her shoulders. “listen brother, I am the leader of the clan now. I will try negotiation and try to resolve this war without more people dying. No matter the costs.” His sister answered doing a step backwards. When he looked into her eyes, he saw confidence and bravery had taken over the sadness in her eyes. That shimmer in her eyes he knows so well. At that moment he was proud on her if only it wasn't a very stupid idea that was going to get them all killed.
“Ily, that's stupidity” Aymar brought in but Ilyrana already seemed to make up her mind. “Maybe, but I will try and you can’t stop me. Now excuse me I have to prepare a funeral.” She said and with those words, she walked out of the room leaving Aymar behind.
Breathless Aymar watched his sister leave the room and that moment he knew, he didn’t only lose his mother that day but also his sister. Never before they had a disagreement and Aymar could feel the guards in the room hold their breath. Too nervous to say something or maybe they just couldn’t find the words for what just happened. He couldn't possibly blame them for that though. “prince Aymar.” One tried, speaking softly reaching out for his shoulder. “No, don’t, go and make sure my sister is safe,” Aymar spoke his voice sounding emotionless and cold. His sister was wrong, the only way to make an end to this was to fight.
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