What happens when I try to write poetry

OmniBlue

Just a flyboy
I don’t even notice it happening
Even after the tenth time
Or the twentieth
Because this time, it’ll be different
I just have to stay awake
Keep my eyes open
That’s easy
And then I’m shaken awake again
I wasn’t even sleeping
I want to
Let me sleep
 
I think this is really good! It's hard to read poetry when you don't know the writer because you don't know what it'll be like, but this didn't make me cringe and was laconic without seeming protracted. It's also obviously very personal to you, which is always helpful in poetry. The one thing I would say is that poetry is still literature, albeit in a different form, so it's really important to use punctuation as you would usually use it - the lack of punctuation here makes the poem a little bit difficult to follow, even with the rhythm. This is really good, though, and adding that punctuation will give it just that level of clarity to make it not only a poem but a communicative piece.

One final thing - don't sell yourself short in the topic title. You didn't attempt to write poetry - you did write poetry, even if you don't think it's perfect, it's a poem and you wrote it, and that's a creative achievement.
 
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