When we die, where do we go?

Corpse

Forum Pyromaniac
When we all die. Where do we go?
Do we go to heaven? A void? Our dreams? Do we come back as a animal? Or start life all over as an infant where ours began?
Or do we go to a more sinister place.. Hell? Or perhaps our nightmares.. Will we feel pain? Will I know im dead when I am?
As I lay here now, breathing in the smoke of yesterdays today I can't remember how it all began. How did I get here?
I can hear them screaming. I can feel them breathing in unison. Why.. Why are they trying to save me... why do they want to save me...
After all I am. After all I have done. I have been told by many, Im worthless. That i'm no more than another speck in the wind. That I am the very
smoke that escapes from the sharp corners of my mouth, there for a moment, then gone with the wind. I have done nothing yet lots in my life. I have caused an uprise in many people's emotions. But all have resulted the same, hate. They say they want me gone with the conclusion of their insults and harsh remarks... but then they pull me back into a warm embrace.. Why... Why do i accept it. Am I that desperate for love? For comfort in knowing that I am safe and not alone.. Is it bad now that I am dying, that I do not want their embrace, that I long to see the look on their faces when I am finally gone?
I have tried, I really have. I've tried to be what they wanted, I tried to appease... even if I hated myself, I would act like I didn't for their sake. Because if I admitted that every hug, every touch, every single word they spoke reminded me of this deep self hatred.. they would ask if I am okay.
Do you think I am okay? Do you truly believe that what I say is true when I tell you I am alright? Do you not see how I break contact, how I push those close to me away? Are you blind to the way you have treated me in the past that still affects who I am today?
You can say you are sorry.. but no amount of tears can wash away the aching.. no amount of gifts can cleanse the physical damage done to the human body that you claim is one of a friend.

You call me a friend.. but am I really your friend? What is a friend.. I've long forgotten among the friends who have shown nothing but manipulation. Does it make you feel better having a friend or a pawn that you can dispose of? A pawn who you call a friend. One who you treat like garbage the second they make a human mistake that goes against you... one you can toss aside so easily with little to no emotional attachments tied to them unless they choose to stand up. The second they stand does it make your blood boil... does it infuriate you like it does me just looking up to you regardless of how you have treated me? I have asked one to many times for forgiveness for my human errors. I have accepted one too many apologies. As have you. Perhaps not the same person. But that doesn't matter now does it? Now that I am bleeding from the mouth and chest, laying in a pool of my own blood. I did it to satisfy you. I did it upon your requests. I did it to please you. Aren't you happy now?
Your screaming, panicked tone, and eagerness to call the ambulance tells me you are not... perhaps I didn't do it well enough.. sorry...

I am sorry..

that I wasn't enough..
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"I'm just saying, when we all die, there's gonna be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese, and we'll all be a lot happier." - Barney Gumble

Jokes aside, I don't really think anything happens afterwards. Once you die, you die, that's that, but I guess only time will tell if I'm right or wrong.
 
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