It was an chilly autumn morning, one of my first as a detective, in fact, when three officers rushed into the station asking for me. They said a corpse with a bullet wound to the head had been left outside the station. Just deal with it your bloody selves, I thought, but followed them out anyway.
He looked... exactly like me. For a while I just stood there, trying to process what was going on, before an officer ~ Officer Michaels, according to his name tag ~ spoke up.
"Sir, you good?" he asked politely.
"I guess, but..." I replied, dumbfounded.
"Don't worry, sir, its just a doppelganger. We find 'em all the time..." he said weakly. Turning to the two other officers, he whispered loudly, "Aight guys, we all know somethin' spooky's goin' down. I vote we leave Mr. Detective here to deal with all his karma voodoo doohickey, and go out for some donuts."
I may have said a few words that I do not regret in the slightest.
"Alright, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to put your hands behind your back. You're under arrest for verbally assaulting an officer of the law," said Officer Michaels, pulling out a pair of handcuffs.
One of the other officers, Officer Alli Karson, held him back, saying "Michaels, he's our superior, you can't arrest him. Were you taught nothing in the academy. Superiors can do whatever they want with their subordinates. Whatever they want..." She looked oddly fevered, despite the fact that we were standing out in the cold.
"Actually, only half of tha~"
I was interrupted by the third officer, Officer Garrison. "So, are we gonna get donuts or should I question the suspect?" he asked indicating a stray dog across the street. Frankly, I was quite astounded by the whole event.
"I don't really think that's possible, Garrison..." said Michaels.
"Ya never know what dogs carry in their mouths these days. Have you seen Barkzooka 2? Those dogs do some crazy things," Garrison said, as if his point were at all valid.
"I wouldn't mind testing it out. I'll just need you to put your gun in my mouth, Detective," said Karson, licking her lips for some reason.
I coughed. "That won't be necessary, let's just get this thing down to the morgue." Michaels and Garrison proceeded to carry it down to the morgue without a body bag or gloves.
"You're right, it was a stupid suggestion. Punish me however you see fit," said Karson meekly.
"Don't worry about it, it was a common mistake," I said, despite the fact that it most definitely had not been a common mistake. Truth was, I felt sorry for her. She seemed innocent... Stupid, but innocent.
I decided we should probably head down to the morgue to see if there was any progress on my doppelganger. On the way through the station, the chief of police stopped us.
"Karson, I trust you haven't been bothering our fine, young detective here," he said. Karson headed down to the morgue and he then turned to me, "Has she, um, tried to use any strange handcuffs? Pulled out odd weapons? Perhaps a whip?"
"No, sir. We actually just met today."
"That's good. If she starts talking about her dad, just ignore her. Carry on."
I then headed down after Karson, utterly confused by today's contents.Once I was in the morgue one of the forensics guys approached me.
"Detective," he greeted me. He then brought me to a table with a covered body. Michaels, Karson, and Garrison all stood there just eating donuts. "We have discovered that the victim was not really your'e doppelganger..."
I was stunned. If he looked exactly like me but wasn't my doppelganger, then what was going on? "But..."
Ignoring my protest, he continued. "He was in disguise..." He paused letting the statement sink in. "This is what he really looks like," he said, pulling off the sheet.
He was wearing Groucho glasses. Nose glasses.
I retreated backwards out of the morgue holding up both middle fingers. I exited the station, only to find that stray dog sitting at the bottom of the steps.
"Woof."
