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Granted. Now you're pretty crappy. I wish for the ability to fly and control whatever direction and speed I used.

Granted. Except you find yourself as a wooden table in a burning house possibly caused by the above phone. I wish to be the best, most talented person in existence and the best ever to exist.

Granted. You bought one that managed to blow up and set your house on fire. I wish to to be a magical girl.

Granted. Thing is, said job is as a hitman and they are picking off your family one by one. I wish to be a Pokémon trainer with all my favourite Pokémon in my team.

Granted. You're used once in a painful process to mess up someone you love's life and then you cease to exist. Happy wishing, everyone! I wish that I would always have someone who adored me around, and that they'd be eager to help me with anything at all.

Should I be having this existential crisis so quietly?

Cessation.

Pause.

Granted. You fail miserably. I wish to become an angel when I die.