(Written by Thuro 116 Pendragon and @Pretentious Pineapple )
Desmond looked around him. There had been more than a little pain in this world. People had died, people that didn't deserve it. And the worst part was... the killer wasn't even a monster that could be punished. She was just a spoiled rich girl that had had to much happen to her in life. He could understand that. Sometimes, he wondered what if it had been him that had turned on the Brotherhood instead of Cross, would he even be here today? Or would Cross have been the one that would have saved the world and taken to fight an ancient demon?
Man, his life was unbelievable.
Sometimes you couldn't control what happened to your mind. You just had to deal with it and move on as best you could. Maybe the Coalition could help her. As sad as it was though, it didn't really matter at this point. They were so close to the demon. Desmond could almost see his stupidly grinning face when he looked around in his Eagle Vision.
And they were about to get one step closer. Desmond could feel the change rippling around him again. It was fascinating in his second sight. The knowledge was warping and blurring around him as reality itself dissolved into nothingness.
And then fog. Lots and lots of fog. He couldn't pierce it with his second sight. Judging from Ezio's swearing in Italian beside him he couldn't either. Well damn. Another place that compromised his natural abilities.
Then again, fog could be useful for someone like him.
He turned to the man beside him, and asked him to scout ahead. The older Italian agreed happily, finally glad to be doing something other than waiting around. He walked off into the mist, intent on gaining a viewpoint. Even in the mist, it should help.
Desmond trailed carefully behind the group, keeping a wary eye on the survivors. They had gotten all of the traitors finally, but there was still a serious danger here. Desmond could feel it tickling the back of his neck, warning that they still had something between them and Aki.
And then he saw the danger. He saw her.
Ridley.
His heart leaped and plummeted at the same time. He'd get to talk to her again, even if he was going to have to send her back to Joshua. But maybe if her answer was good enough... maybe if she'd been mind controlled.
He could understand that.
But first he'd have to be able to talk to her without Frank trying to bash his head in for the methods he was going to have to use. That meant one thing.
It was a good thing Ridley liked physical contact.
He crept up slowly behind her, careful to avoid the butt fetish boy, and grabbed her, putting his hand over her mouth so she couldn't scream.
"Shhh." He whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you."
He dragged her like this off into the mist, far enough away from the others that they couldn't hear.
~~~~
For someone being grabbed abruptly without warning and dragged off... Ridley was incredibly calm. She didn't struggle, or try to scream, or.. Anything. She had a feeling she knew what was going to happen.. And accepted it. After all.. She hadn't lied when she said what would happen to her if she went home would be worse than death. Better to die at the hands of someone she cared about than to be tortured at the hands of someone she spited with a burning passion.
So, she trudged on in his grip obediently, not putting up the slightest struggle.
~~~~
Desmond turned and more or less dropped her on the hard ground beneath them. Ungraciously.
Okay. He was pretty pissed. She had lied to him, manipulated him, and was more than likely setting him up for the fall.
He knelt down beside her and stabbed his Hidden Blade about two inches from her head.
He was so angry his hand hit dirt. He had shoved the knife that far into the ground.
"You have about ten seconds to convince me not to put the next one in your head. I'd make it good."
~~~~
When Desmond shoved her down, Ridley didn't so much as flinch. Instead, she just stared thoughtfully into the mist. She practically ignored the demand.. Just stared off. "..You're gonna kill me, aren't you, Hoodie?" She didn't sound upset. Or scared. Or, well.. Anything else. She just kept her usual cool tone. "..Not that it matters. I deserve it." She shrugged, absently. "Do whatever you want to me. I can take it." Knowing Rid.. That was probably a flirt, alongside the obvious literal meaning.
It was.. A massive lie, to say that she'd wanted to hurt Desmond, or Frank, or, well.. Anyone here. She didn't want any of this. She'd tried to tell everyone what she was.. But no one had listened. She sighed slightly, golden eyes closing tiredly. "Nothing to explain. I'm the same monster I told you I was. You wanna punish me..? Go right ahead." It looked like the Siren had accepted her fate.
~~~~
Desmond fist curled above the Hidden Blade. He withdrew it from the ground and flicked the dirt off the blade. For now he stayed his hand from killing her. His voice was much quieter now. He was going to get the truth here, even if it killed her. Although keeping her alive would probably be the worse punishment.
"I'd believe it." He said, his voice harsh. "But that's the fallback excuse. Oh look at me. I'm the little monster no one loves. Spit it out bright eyes. Why'd you turn traitor?"
~~~~
Ridley almost got mad.. But found she couldn't. She couldn't get mad at him. She didn't know why.. But she couldn't. In fact.. She found herself feeling the opposite. Tears tore at her eyes, making her vision blurry. She didn't know whether the tears were because she was mad, or upset, or hurt.. Or whatever else could've caused it.
"I wasn't..- I wasn't trying to trick you. I tried to tell you.. idiot.." She took a shuddering breath. "Look, just.. Just kill me, if you hate me so much."
~~~~
Ridley didn't even try to look at Desmond as he pulled the blade. She just.. Waited. Waited for what she thought was the inevitable. Waited to die.. Again. Minutes went by.. And yet, nothing happened. Eventually, she peered up at Desmond, confused. "Why.. Why aren't you killing me?" Her voice was a small, bare whisper, and she simply stared up at him.
Ridley Duchannes was lost and afraid.
~~~~
Finally, Desmond could do what he wished he'd been able to do with Lucy all that time ago. He reached back...
And drew in his Hidden Blade. He couldn't say there had be enough death for today, cause there was only going to be more as time went on. Namely, hopefully, Akibahara's.
"I don't hate you bright eyes, I just don't understand you."
He sat there for a second, torn between drying her crying eyes, and doing something else...
Eventually he just stood back up and offered her a hand to help her do the same. There wasn't any point in terrorizing her further. Sure, it'd make him feel better, but he wasn't that big of an asshole.
"This is your second chance." He said, his voice steely. This wasn't Desmond anymore. This was the Mentor, warning the enemies of his Brotherhood. "You turn on us again, and I'll kill you without a second thought."
Which was the farthest thing from the truth. There would be many, many second thoughts. And recriminations. And sleepless nights. But in the end, he would do it.
He stood there silently, clearly torn between saying something and just shutting up and walking off.
~~~~
When he told her this was her second chance, and tried to help her up.. The crying only intensified, and his offer was blatantly ignored. "Don't you get it, Hoodie? I don't deserve a second chance! I deserve to rot in hell. So why don't you just kill me?!"
~~~~
"Because..." Desmond couldn't look at her directly. Her crying was messing with his head, with his composure. With his stony facade that he had carefully cultivated after... after Lucy's death. He'd shut the entire world out, the only person to make it inside his head being River, and that had been more of a byproduct of her powers than any real bond between the two. He'd been alone for so long, that he'd just given up on this. Feelings. Emotions. All that mattered was his responsibility to the Brotherhood. To his last hold on this life.
But Ridley had helped him rediscover the lessons he had learned from Ezio's memories. That you didn't cease to be a person when you gave your life away. That just because you committed yourself to an ideal, to a moral, that didn't stop you from being an individual. The Assassin's upheld life and change. They couldn't become mindless automatons of justice, otherwise they became lost, just like the once legendary Al Mualim.
But when she had turned on them, he had in turn moved away from these notions. Simply moving numbly through the game because the loss of all those he had cared about had become too much.
But Lisa, his student, she had given him all small glimmer of light again. She believed in him. Not Desmond Miles the Mentor. Not Desmond Miles the Assassin. Just him. The person behind all of these personas, the real Desmond Miles.
He was probably fucking up again giving Ridleyanotherchance. But he didn't care. If it turned out badly, he'd just bear the brunt of the consequences, as always.
To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic.
Time to bring out the drawing board.
"Because. I love you."
It was the truth. The simple truth of it. It had nothing to do with his Creed. His Brotherhood. Saving the universe. It was just him and her, person to person, monster to monster. But maybe... maybe the monster could show the other monster the way to live with herself.
"Ridley. I could show you a better way. We all started off lost and alone. We came together to try to help people. To end things like..." He spread his arms and made a slow circle. "This."
~~~~
This was very obviously unexpected. For over a minute, Ridley was frozen up, rigid and alert, golden eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. "You.. You..- What..?" Her cool tone was gone. She was confused, quite clearly.
As he went on, Ridley could only keep staring at him with confusion and disbelief. She then slowly shook her head, and her hands rose to her temples. "Stop playing with my head..! Nobody can love me, Hoodie.. And I can't love anybody. Siren's don't love."
"There's no saving me, Hoodie.. Don't you get that..? I'm damned. I've been on the highway to hell my entire life. I chose that path.. And there's no going back. No redemption. No happy ending. No.. nothing. You and Guns say people change.. But they don't. I don't." Furiously, the Caster wiped at her tears, incapable of so much as looking at him. "I changed.. Once. I used to be Julia Duchannes. She was pure.. innocent.. sweet.. Just the same as my perfect little cousin." She shook her head quietly.
"..Then I turned into Ridley the monster."
~~~~
Desmond just shook his head. Stubborn girl. She just couldn't see past her own problems. It was holding her back. Keeping her from seeing what she could become once she wasn't... this. He was slipping into the so called "Mentor Mode" again. He looked at her like he would look at any of his novices, and got to the heart of it.
"You know what your problem is?" And oh boy was he about to tell her. "You have no perspective. Our problems, they don't matter in the large scale of things. Our duty to society comes before anything else. We redeem ourselves through our actions for others. I've seen men kill innocents in cold blood, then turn around a few years later and become one of the greatest leaders of their time. Altair was a cold hearted killer without a shred of remorse or sorrow in him, and even he could change."
Desmond made a sweeping gesture with his hand, as if he were wiping a slate clean.
"You're a monster Rid. We all are sometimes. Its what society needs when its at its darkest. But you can move past it. Light up the world with those bright eyes." He held out his right hand, the one with the retracted blade mounted onto his wrist, the symbol of blood and redemption. There was so much she could become. "After all. Whatever you've done, I'm sure the assisted suicide by Lisa was enough to pull you out of the red."
Yep. He knew. He wasn't sure when he had figured it out, but it was blindingly obvious in the end. She had been trying to die a hero, for who knows what reason. Maybe to balance the others memories of her when she was revealed as a traitor. He was more than a little scared she'd do it again the first opportunity she had, after all she was literally begging him to kill her.
~~~~
Ridley could only shake her head in clear frustration, aggravation obvious. "My problem is that nobody here listens. It's that I've tried to warn you, and Guns, and everyone else about what I am and always will be.. It's that I am a monster, but nobody else will accept that, or even see it. That's the problem. Not that I 'don't have perspective'." It looked like Desmond wasn't going to win this argument.
The Siren still seemed unable to so much as look at him. She hated being seen like this. She hated when her cool mask broke. When she showed emotion. It made her feel incredibly weak. Vulnerable. Alone. "...My monstrosity is not necessary, Hoodie. And these eyes aren't meant to light up the world... They're meant to darken it." She still didn't take his hand. Wouldn't even so much as look at him. "Assisted suicide does not do shit for me."
There was a thoughtful pause, before Rid spoke up again, voice a little softer. "Look, Hoodie.. You don't seem to get it. Those other traitors, that were being controlled? Well.. Think of going Dark like being controlled into being a traitor. You can't help it. You can't stop it from happening. The control just.. Slowly eats away at your mind, until you aren't even you anymore." She wiped at her face with her arm. "Do you know..- Do you know what that feels like, Desmond? To know you're slowly fading away and twisting into something horrible, with nothing you can do about it?" Now, her golden tear-filled eyes slowly moved to meet his.
And.. Something was different, in those hypnotic golden eyes. In this moment.. Ridley Duchannes was gone. This was Julia Duchannes; the lost, scared, and alone girl who ran away from the home that didn't want her in a last attempt to save her family from herself. This was the girl that, tears streaming down her face, had tried to explain to her cousin that knew she was going Dark, and that she couldn't stay, or everyone would get hurt. This was the girl that had only wanted to be a good family member.. But was fated to be nothing more than a monster.
"I'm.. I'm sorry, Hoodie." The words were soft, and small.. Almost inaudible. But she'd said them.. And she meant it.
~~~~
Desmond didn't speak for a minute. She was talking about exactly what he'd gone through after Lucy's death. The loss had eaten at his mind, although he'd shoved it to the background cause he'd had bigger problems. Hell. He was doing the same thing with the archdemon. You didn't have to think when you were fighting for your life.
But he didn't believe it in her case. Abbas hadn't been willing to work past his injured pride, his own personal little angst, and he'd broken the Assassins in a mere three decades as a result. But, he could sense she was stronger than that.
He knew what it was like to have something tugging at his mind, inciting him to darkness. The Apple, for all its use, wasn't something that had been worth carrying in the end. Too bad Ridley couldn't just threw her curse away like he'd done with the Orb.
"Jul," He used her real name, and was more than likely going to keep using it. She'd be mad at him, but if he kept reminding her of the person she was, or rather could be, maybe it'd help. "If you're so bad, so evil, why didn't you kill me."
He fiddled with his Hidden Blade for a moment, dismounting the blade from its spring system. Anyone would be able to use it like a knife thanks to its handle. He really had just built it as a hidden knife. He then tossed it to her, and pointed to a spot on his lower abdomen.
"Right here. Guaranteed kill. Go ahead. You'd be doing me a favor." He spread his arms, totally defenseless.
"You're wrong though. Those eyes brightened my world."
~~~~
Ridley cringed visibly when Desmond called her by Jul. "Don't call me that. I'm not that person anymore," she snapped, harshly. "Julia died in the train station the day before my Claiming. It's Ridley now." This was true. In her family, your parents gave you a temporary name that you were to go by until your Claiming. Which, on your Claiming, you discovered your power set, your true name, and whether you turned Dark or Light.
Julia Duchannes really was dead. But.. Maybe she could be revived.
Of course, what Desmond said next made Ridley blink in confusion, and she didn't even try to catch the knife tossed to her. She just stared at Desmond quietly, studying him closely. Then, slowly and shakily, Ridley stood up and moved to pick up the blade. Her eyes just stayed locked on his. Feet silently shuffling against the ground, she moved closer to Desmond, and readied herself to do it..
..Before she promptly threw the blade over Desmond's shoulder, and turned away. "I am not going to kill you, Hoodie.. Not now. Not ever. Got it?" With that.. Ridley started moving away, wiping at her tears fervently. "You would be the first."
~~~~
"You know what? I'd like to be called the Hugh Jackman. But that's not the way it works. Some ancient curse isn't really going to tell me you aren't redeemable." He wasn't blind. She'd killed yeah, but they all knew that people came back. And in the end, even if she hadn't known, he didn't care. They didn't live in a perfect world, and the order had been made up of countless tyrants and villains over the years.
He placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Jul," He said softly, not caring if she believed it or not, "I see you. The real you. And she's not a monster."
If she turned around, she'd see his eyes were glowing gold as well. Eagle Vision. It revealed the truth about a person, and she was glowing blue. Ally. Not enemy.
~~~~
This made the female scoff slightly. "That's different. That isn't your true name. Ridley is mine." She seemed greatly annoyed that he was calling her Jul. "That's who I am," she concluded, features blank, contrasted by the years still shining in her eyes.
"A curse may not tell you I'm past redemption.. But I can."
When he placed his hand on her shoulder, Ridley visibly flinched. "..Hoodie, you must need your eyes checked. And don't call me Jul." She didn't turn to face him.. But didn't move away.
~~~~
"Say that again and look me in the eyes. I dare you." Desmond was willing to bet she couldn't do it. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you're an unlovable monster that can never change, I'll leave. You never have to hear me call you by your real name,or tell you that you're not bad, or even see me."
"But I know you can't. You're just a girl that's been lied to for way too long, and needs someone to tell you to stop listening to those assholes."
~~~~
"..."
Ridley still didn't turn around. Just swallowed hard, and stared forward. Desmond was right in assuming she couldn't do it; it hurt too much.
"You don't.. You don't know me, Desmond. They aren't lies." Her voice was much softer, now.
~~~~
"Really? I don't know that you're strong? Or brave? Or willing to sacrifice yourself?" His tone turned a little more playful, a little more joking. Almost like the Desmond beforeher death. "Or the fact that you've been looking me up and down every time I turn my head."
He turned serious again, although his voice was still soft, softer than anyone had heard it in a long time. Even Lisa.
"Julia. I've seen centuries worth of heroes and villains, on both sides of my order. You're a bad girl, but you're not a bad person. Just trust the old guy."
~~~~
"I am not any of those things, Desmond. So you just proved my point." She shifted slightly, looking down. "..I admit to that last part, though," she added after a pause, her lips momentarily twitching upward slightly. Though, the quarter-smile quickly faded.
"..Don't call me Julia, Desmond.. Please." The request was a bare, pleading whisper. Something seldom heard from Ridley. It hurt, being called that.. It was a reminder of someone she could never be again.
Someone that had gotten lost a long time ago.
"Is that a good thing?" She managed a weak, forced smile.
~~~~
"Depends." He stepped in front of her. "Who do you want to be?"
~~~~
This made Ridley hesitate. Who did she want to be? She honestly didn't know.. And it terrified her. She had an idea.. But it required letting up her cool facade. Letting people see that she wasn't what she made herself out to be.
Or, more accurately.. She didn't want to be this.
~~~~
Gently, delicately, he moved her touched her chin, moving her eyes up so that her golden eyes met his.
"C'Mon bright eyes. Who do you want to be?"
~~~~
Despite flinching very slightly, Ridley didn't pull away. She just stared into his eyes, quietly. "I.. I don't know, Hoodie."
~~~~
Desmond laughed a little, not at her response, but at his train of thought.
"If I was a good Mentor, I'd urge to join the Brotherhood. Make a difference in the world. But I've never been one for following the rules. Be who you want to be. Just make it count for something in the end. People rarely get second chances."
~~~~
She seemed confused by the laughter.. And it wasn't exactly hard to tell. "What're you laughing at?" Apparently, she didn't like that it seemed like he was laughing at her.
"I'm not cut out for a second chance, Hoodie. I have tried to do good before.. It only ever blows up in my face." There was a pause. A hesitation.. Before she spoke up again, averting her gaze. "You want to know how I know I can not be good? My aunt.. Sarafine.. She was Claimed by the Dark. Like me. She.. She fought it, for a while. Met a guy. Fell in love. Managed to keep the urges at bay, for a while."
Ridley swallowed hard, now. It seemed that thinking about her possibly ending up like her aunt was.. Very painful, for her. Terrifying. "..She.. Had a kid. But the influence.. The lull.. The urges... They all got stronger. Out of control. Roared like a wildfire. And you know what she did?" The Siren seemed to choke on her next words. "She.. She tried to kill them. Set their house on fire, with the man she loved and her own child in it."
"She tried to kill my whole family, Hoodie.. And anyone who got in her way. There is no changing that I'll end up the same.. Which means the most I can do to stop it is push everyone away. To at least protect them from me." Another tear rolled down her cheek.. But she quickly wiped it away.
~~~~
"I'm not asking you to settle down in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a dog. Neither of us is that person. We're fighters, both of us. Even if you don't want to admit it." He reached down and took her hand in his. "And you are a fighter. You can fight this. You will fight this."
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."
"To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shepherds of our own civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic."
Desmond's words echoed those that Ezio had told Sofia Sartzor all those centuries again.
"If you choose to give it all away, to be alone, then you are going to become Ridley you're afraid of. Permanently. You can turn away from it. You can turn away from it. But only if you choose to."
~~~~
For some odd reason, Ridley didn't pull away. She let Desmond take her hand, despite feeling the urge to push Desmond away. She just stared at him quietly; uncertainly. "Do you not get it? I can't fight it, Desmond. Even if I try, I can't. Whether I am a fighter or not." She swallowed hard. "It.. It happens to everyone who goes Dark, eventually."
"All of my consequences are tragic."
What he said next made Ridley frown. "I have nothing to give away, Hoodie. I'm already alone. And.. It's not Ridley that I'm afraid of." She looked away.
"I'm afraid of the Dark."
~~~~
"We work in the dark to serve the light."
~~~~
This just made Ridley shake her head. "Nothing I do is for the Light, Hoodie."
~~~~
Desmond just shook his head in frustration. He was really getting tired of this girl's fatal, self defeating attitude.
"So what then? I'm not here to kill you, and you don't want to live. Where does that leave us? Where do you see this going?"
He pursed his lips, saying aloud what they both were thinking.
"You want to the demon to kill you, don't you?"
~~~~
"I.. I never have an us, Hoodie. It's always just me." That was the truth. Ridley was alone in the world.. Had been, since her Claiming. Everyone pushed her away.. And she pushed right back. Everyone was better off with her being alone.
As for what Desmond said next.. Ridley didn't meet his eyes. "Not necessarily him. Anyone would do. I'm not supposed to be alive.. It's about time that gets mended."
~~~~
And that's when the Assassin's patience snapped. "Fuck Ridley. Just be who you're going to be. People make their own choices, right or wrong. If you're so concerned about being the bad guy, then be the bad guy. But don't blame it on some ancient curse. Just admit that it's you doing it."
~~~~
Well.. That comment certainly made the blonde unhappy. She propped a hand on her hip, frowning deeply. "You really don't get it, do you, Hoodie? I've told you that it is me. The curse? The marking?" she remarked, hand ghosting over the tattoo on her lower torso. "..They're nothing but puny little reminders. If I weren't meant to be dark, myself... I wouldn't have become Dark. It is me, idiot. It always has been."
Desmond looked around him. There had been more than a little pain in this world. People had died, people that didn't deserve it. And the worst part was... the killer wasn't even a monster that could be punished. She was just a spoiled rich girl that had had to much happen to her in life. He could understand that. Sometimes, he wondered what if it had been him that had turned on the Brotherhood instead of Cross, would he even be here today? Or would Cross have been the one that would have saved the world and taken to fight an ancient demon?
Man, his life was unbelievable.
Sometimes you couldn't control what happened to your mind. You just had to deal with it and move on as best you could. Maybe the Coalition could help her. As sad as it was though, it didn't really matter at this point. They were so close to the demon. Desmond could almost see his stupidly grinning face when he looked around in his Eagle Vision.
And they were about to get one step closer. Desmond could feel the change rippling around him again. It was fascinating in his second sight. The knowledge was warping and blurring around him as reality itself dissolved into nothingness.
And then fog. Lots and lots of fog. He couldn't pierce it with his second sight. Judging from Ezio's swearing in Italian beside him he couldn't either. Well damn. Another place that compromised his natural abilities.
Then again, fog could be useful for someone like him.
He turned to the man beside him, and asked him to scout ahead. The older Italian agreed happily, finally glad to be doing something other than waiting around. He walked off into the mist, intent on gaining a viewpoint. Even in the mist, it should help.
Desmond trailed carefully behind the group, keeping a wary eye on the survivors. They had gotten all of the traitors finally, but there was still a serious danger here. Desmond could feel it tickling the back of his neck, warning that they still had something between them and Aki.
And then he saw the danger. He saw her.
Ridley.
His heart leaped and plummeted at the same time. He'd get to talk to her again, even if he was going to have to send her back to Joshua. But maybe if her answer was good enough... maybe if she'd been mind controlled.
He could understand that.
But first he'd have to be able to talk to her without Frank trying to bash his head in for the methods he was going to have to use. That meant one thing.
It was a good thing Ridley liked physical contact.
He crept up slowly behind her, careful to avoid the butt fetish boy, and grabbed her, putting his hand over her mouth so she couldn't scream.
"Shhh." He whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you."
He dragged her like this off into the mist, far enough away from the others that they couldn't hear.
~~~~
For someone being grabbed abruptly without warning and dragged off... Ridley was incredibly calm. She didn't struggle, or try to scream, or.. Anything. She had a feeling she knew what was going to happen.. And accepted it. After all.. She hadn't lied when she said what would happen to her if she went home would be worse than death. Better to die at the hands of someone she cared about than to be tortured at the hands of someone she spited with a burning passion.
So, she trudged on in his grip obediently, not putting up the slightest struggle.
~~~~
Desmond turned and more or less dropped her on the hard ground beneath them. Ungraciously.
Okay. He was pretty pissed. She had lied to him, manipulated him, and was more than likely setting him up for the fall.
He knelt down beside her and stabbed his Hidden Blade about two inches from her head.
He was so angry his hand hit dirt. He had shoved the knife that far into the ground.
"You have about ten seconds to convince me not to put the next one in your head. I'd make it good."
~~~~
When Desmond shoved her down, Ridley didn't so much as flinch. Instead, she just stared thoughtfully into the mist. She practically ignored the demand.. Just stared off. "..You're gonna kill me, aren't you, Hoodie?" She didn't sound upset. Or scared. Or, well.. Anything else. She just kept her usual cool tone. "..Not that it matters. I deserve it." She shrugged, absently. "Do whatever you want to me. I can take it." Knowing Rid.. That was probably a flirt, alongside the obvious literal meaning.
It was.. A massive lie, to say that she'd wanted to hurt Desmond, or Frank, or, well.. Anyone here. She didn't want any of this. She'd tried to tell everyone what she was.. But no one had listened. She sighed slightly, golden eyes closing tiredly. "Nothing to explain. I'm the same monster I told you I was. You wanna punish me..? Go right ahead." It looked like the Siren had accepted her fate.
~~~~
Desmond fist curled above the Hidden Blade. He withdrew it from the ground and flicked the dirt off the blade. For now he stayed his hand from killing her. His voice was much quieter now. He was going to get the truth here, even if it killed her. Although keeping her alive would probably be the worse punishment.
"I'd believe it." He said, his voice harsh. "But that's the fallback excuse. Oh look at me. I'm the little monster no one loves. Spit it out bright eyes. Why'd you turn traitor?"
~~~~
Ridley almost got mad.. But found she couldn't. She couldn't get mad at him. She didn't know why.. But she couldn't. In fact.. She found herself feeling the opposite. Tears tore at her eyes, making her vision blurry. She didn't know whether the tears were because she was mad, or upset, or hurt.. Or whatever else could've caused it.
"I wasn't..- I wasn't trying to trick you. I tried to tell you.. idiot.." She took a shuddering breath. "Look, just.. Just kill me, if you hate me so much."
~~~~
Ridley didn't even try to look at Desmond as he pulled the blade. She just.. Waited. Waited for what she thought was the inevitable. Waited to die.. Again. Minutes went by.. And yet, nothing happened. Eventually, she peered up at Desmond, confused. "Why.. Why aren't you killing me?" Her voice was a small, bare whisper, and she simply stared up at him.
Ridley Duchannes was lost and afraid.
~~~~
Finally, Desmond could do what he wished he'd been able to do with Lucy all that time ago. He reached back...
And drew in his Hidden Blade. He couldn't say there had be enough death for today, cause there was only going to be more as time went on. Namely, hopefully, Akibahara's.
"I don't hate you bright eyes, I just don't understand you."
He sat there for a second, torn between drying her crying eyes, and doing something else...
Eventually he just stood back up and offered her a hand to help her do the same. There wasn't any point in terrorizing her further. Sure, it'd make him feel better, but he wasn't that big of an asshole.
"This is your second chance." He said, his voice steely. This wasn't Desmond anymore. This was the Mentor, warning the enemies of his Brotherhood. "You turn on us again, and I'll kill you without a second thought."
Which was the farthest thing from the truth. There would be many, many second thoughts. And recriminations. And sleepless nights. But in the end, he would do it.
He stood there silently, clearly torn between saying something and just shutting up and walking off.
~~~~
When he told her this was her second chance, and tried to help her up.. The crying only intensified, and his offer was blatantly ignored. "Don't you get it, Hoodie? I don't deserve a second chance! I deserve to rot in hell. So why don't you just kill me?!"
~~~~
"Because..." Desmond couldn't look at her directly. Her crying was messing with his head, with his composure. With his stony facade that he had carefully cultivated after... after Lucy's death. He'd shut the entire world out, the only person to make it inside his head being River, and that had been more of a byproduct of her powers than any real bond between the two. He'd been alone for so long, that he'd just given up on this. Feelings. Emotions. All that mattered was his responsibility to the Brotherhood. To his last hold on this life.
But Ridley had helped him rediscover the lessons he had learned from Ezio's memories. That you didn't cease to be a person when you gave your life away. That just because you committed yourself to an ideal, to a moral, that didn't stop you from being an individual. The Assassin's upheld life and change. They couldn't become mindless automatons of justice, otherwise they became lost, just like the once legendary Al Mualim.
But when she had turned on them, he had in turn moved away from these notions. Simply moving numbly through the game because the loss of all those he had cared about had become too much.
But Lisa, his student, she had given him all small glimmer of light again. She believed in him. Not Desmond Miles the Mentor. Not Desmond Miles the Assassin. Just him. The person behind all of these personas, the real Desmond Miles.
He was probably fucking up again giving Ridleyanotherchance. But he didn't care. If it turned out badly, he'd just bear the brunt of the consequences, as always.
To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic.
Time to bring out the drawing board.
"Because. I love you."
It was the truth. The simple truth of it. It had nothing to do with his Creed. His Brotherhood. Saving the universe. It was just him and her, person to person, monster to monster. But maybe... maybe the monster could show the other monster the way to live with herself.
"Ridley. I could show you a better way. We all started off lost and alone. We came together to try to help people. To end things like..." He spread his arms and made a slow circle. "This."
~~~~
This was very obviously unexpected. For over a minute, Ridley was frozen up, rigid and alert, golden eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. "You.. You..- What..?" Her cool tone was gone. She was confused, quite clearly.
As he went on, Ridley could only keep staring at him with confusion and disbelief. She then slowly shook her head, and her hands rose to her temples. "Stop playing with my head..! Nobody can love me, Hoodie.. And I can't love anybody. Siren's don't love."
"There's no saving me, Hoodie.. Don't you get that..? I'm damned. I've been on the highway to hell my entire life. I chose that path.. And there's no going back. No redemption. No happy ending. No.. nothing. You and Guns say people change.. But they don't. I don't." Furiously, the Caster wiped at her tears, incapable of so much as looking at him. "I changed.. Once. I used to be Julia Duchannes. She was pure.. innocent.. sweet.. Just the same as my perfect little cousin." She shook her head quietly.
"..Then I turned into Ridley the monster."
~~~~
Desmond just shook his head. Stubborn girl. She just couldn't see past her own problems. It was holding her back. Keeping her from seeing what she could become once she wasn't... this. He was slipping into the so called "Mentor Mode" again. He looked at her like he would look at any of his novices, and got to the heart of it.
"You know what your problem is?" And oh boy was he about to tell her. "You have no perspective. Our problems, they don't matter in the large scale of things. Our duty to society comes before anything else. We redeem ourselves through our actions for others. I've seen men kill innocents in cold blood, then turn around a few years later and become one of the greatest leaders of their time. Altair was a cold hearted killer without a shred of remorse or sorrow in him, and even he could change."
Desmond made a sweeping gesture with his hand, as if he were wiping a slate clean.
"You're a monster Rid. We all are sometimes. Its what society needs when its at its darkest. But you can move past it. Light up the world with those bright eyes." He held out his right hand, the one with the retracted blade mounted onto his wrist, the symbol of blood and redemption. There was so much she could become. "After all. Whatever you've done, I'm sure the assisted suicide by Lisa was enough to pull you out of the red."
Yep. He knew. He wasn't sure when he had figured it out, but it was blindingly obvious in the end. She had been trying to die a hero, for who knows what reason. Maybe to balance the others memories of her when she was revealed as a traitor. He was more than a little scared she'd do it again the first opportunity she had, after all she was literally begging him to kill her.
~~~~
Ridley could only shake her head in clear frustration, aggravation obvious. "My problem is that nobody here listens. It's that I've tried to warn you, and Guns, and everyone else about what I am and always will be.. It's that I am a monster, but nobody else will accept that, or even see it. That's the problem. Not that I 'don't have perspective'." It looked like Desmond wasn't going to win this argument.
The Siren still seemed unable to so much as look at him. She hated being seen like this. She hated when her cool mask broke. When she showed emotion. It made her feel incredibly weak. Vulnerable. Alone. "...My monstrosity is not necessary, Hoodie. And these eyes aren't meant to light up the world... They're meant to darken it." She still didn't take his hand. Wouldn't even so much as look at him. "Assisted suicide does not do shit for me."
There was a thoughtful pause, before Rid spoke up again, voice a little softer. "Look, Hoodie.. You don't seem to get it. Those other traitors, that were being controlled? Well.. Think of going Dark like being controlled into being a traitor. You can't help it. You can't stop it from happening. The control just.. Slowly eats away at your mind, until you aren't even you anymore." She wiped at her face with her arm. "Do you know..- Do you know what that feels like, Desmond? To know you're slowly fading away and twisting into something horrible, with nothing you can do about it?" Now, her golden tear-filled eyes slowly moved to meet his.
And.. Something was different, in those hypnotic golden eyes. In this moment.. Ridley Duchannes was gone. This was Julia Duchannes; the lost, scared, and alone girl who ran away from the home that didn't want her in a last attempt to save her family from herself. This was the girl that, tears streaming down her face, had tried to explain to her cousin that knew she was going Dark, and that she couldn't stay, or everyone would get hurt. This was the girl that had only wanted to be a good family member.. But was fated to be nothing more than a monster.
"I'm.. I'm sorry, Hoodie." The words were soft, and small.. Almost inaudible. But she'd said them.. And she meant it.
~~~~
Desmond didn't speak for a minute. She was talking about exactly what he'd gone through after Lucy's death. The loss had eaten at his mind, although he'd shoved it to the background cause he'd had bigger problems. Hell. He was doing the same thing with the archdemon. You didn't have to think when you were fighting for your life.
But he didn't believe it in her case. Abbas hadn't been willing to work past his injured pride, his own personal little angst, and he'd broken the Assassins in a mere three decades as a result. But, he could sense she was stronger than that.
He knew what it was like to have something tugging at his mind, inciting him to darkness. The Apple, for all its use, wasn't something that had been worth carrying in the end. Too bad Ridley couldn't just threw her curse away like he'd done with the Orb.
"Jul," He used her real name, and was more than likely going to keep using it. She'd be mad at him, but if he kept reminding her of the person she was, or rather could be, maybe it'd help. "If you're so bad, so evil, why didn't you kill me."
He fiddled with his Hidden Blade for a moment, dismounting the blade from its spring system. Anyone would be able to use it like a knife thanks to its handle. He really had just built it as a hidden knife. He then tossed it to her, and pointed to a spot on his lower abdomen.
"Right here. Guaranteed kill. Go ahead. You'd be doing me a favor." He spread his arms, totally defenseless.
"You're wrong though. Those eyes brightened my world."
~~~~
Ridley cringed visibly when Desmond called her by Jul. "Don't call me that. I'm not that person anymore," she snapped, harshly. "Julia died in the train station the day before my Claiming. It's Ridley now." This was true. In her family, your parents gave you a temporary name that you were to go by until your Claiming. Which, on your Claiming, you discovered your power set, your true name, and whether you turned Dark or Light.
Julia Duchannes really was dead. But.. Maybe she could be revived.
Of course, what Desmond said next made Ridley blink in confusion, and she didn't even try to catch the knife tossed to her. She just stared at Desmond quietly, studying him closely. Then, slowly and shakily, Ridley stood up and moved to pick up the blade. Her eyes just stayed locked on his. Feet silently shuffling against the ground, she moved closer to Desmond, and readied herself to do it..
..Before she promptly threw the blade over Desmond's shoulder, and turned away. "I am not going to kill you, Hoodie.. Not now. Not ever. Got it?" With that.. Ridley started moving away, wiping at her tears fervently. "You would be the first."
~~~~
"You know what? I'd like to be called the Hugh Jackman. But that's not the way it works. Some ancient curse isn't really going to tell me you aren't redeemable." He wasn't blind. She'd killed yeah, but they all knew that people came back. And in the end, even if she hadn't known, he didn't care. They didn't live in a perfect world, and the order had been made up of countless tyrants and villains over the years.
He placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Jul," He said softly, not caring if she believed it or not, "I see you. The real you. And she's not a monster."
If she turned around, she'd see his eyes were glowing gold as well. Eagle Vision. It revealed the truth about a person, and she was glowing blue. Ally. Not enemy.
~~~~
This made the female scoff slightly. "That's different. That isn't your true name. Ridley is mine." She seemed greatly annoyed that he was calling her Jul. "That's who I am," she concluded, features blank, contrasted by the years still shining in her eyes.
"A curse may not tell you I'm past redemption.. But I can."
When he placed his hand on her shoulder, Ridley visibly flinched. "..Hoodie, you must need your eyes checked. And don't call me Jul." She didn't turn to face him.. But didn't move away.
~~~~
"Say that again and look me in the eyes. I dare you." Desmond was willing to bet she couldn't do it. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you're an unlovable monster that can never change, I'll leave. You never have to hear me call you by your real name,or tell you that you're not bad, or even see me."
"But I know you can't. You're just a girl that's been lied to for way too long, and needs someone to tell you to stop listening to those assholes."
~~~~
"..."
Ridley still didn't turn around. Just swallowed hard, and stared forward. Desmond was right in assuming she couldn't do it; it hurt too much.
"You don't.. You don't know me, Desmond. They aren't lies." Her voice was much softer, now.
~~~~
"Really? I don't know that you're strong? Or brave? Or willing to sacrifice yourself?" His tone turned a little more playful, a little more joking. Almost like the Desmond beforeher death. "Or the fact that you've been looking me up and down every time I turn my head."
He turned serious again, although his voice was still soft, softer than anyone had heard it in a long time. Even Lisa.
"Julia. I've seen centuries worth of heroes and villains, on both sides of my order. You're a bad girl, but you're not a bad person. Just trust the old guy."
~~~~
"I am not any of those things, Desmond. So you just proved my point." She shifted slightly, looking down. "..I admit to that last part, though," she added after a pause, her lips momentarily twitching upward slightly. Though, the quarter-smile quickly faded.
"..Don't call me Julia, Desmond.. Please." The request was a bare, pleading whisper. Something seldom heard from Ridley. It hurt, being called that.. It was a reminder of someone she could never be again.
Someone that had gotten lost a long time ago.
"Is that a good thing?" She managed a weak, forced smile.
~~~~
"Depends." He stepped in front of her. "Who do you want to be?"
~~~~
This made Ridley hesitate. Who did she want to be? She honestly didn't know.. And it terrified her. She had an idea.. But it required letting up her cool facade. Letting people see that she wasn't what she made herself out to be.
Or, more accurately.. She didn't want to be this.
~~~~
Gently, delicately, he moved her touched her chin, moving her eyes up so that her golden eyes met his.
"C'Mon bright eyes. Who do you want to be?"
~~~~
Despite flinching very slightly, Ridley didn't pull away. She just stared into his eyes, quietly. "I.. I don't know, Hoodie."
~~~~
Desmond laughed a little, not at her response, but at his train of thought.
"If I was a good Mentor, I'd urge to join the Brotherhood. Make a difference in the world. But I've never been one for following the rules. Be who you want to be. Just make it count for something in the end. People rarely get second chances."
~~~~
She seemed confused by the laughter.. And it wasn't exactly hard to tell. "What're you laughing at?" Apparently, she didn't like that it seemed like he was laughing at her.
"I'm not cut out for a second chance, Hoodie. I have tried to do good before.. It only ever blows up in my face." There was a pause. A hesitation.. Before she spoke up again, averting her gaze. "You want to know how I know I can not be good? My aunt.. Sarafine.. She was Claimed by the Dark. Like me. She.. She fought it, for a while. Met a guy. Fell in love. Managed to keep the urges at bay, for a while."
Ridley swallowed hard, now. It seemed that thinking about her possibly ending up like her aunt was.. Very painful, for her. Terrifying. "..She.. Had a kid. But the influence.. The lull.. The urges... They all got stronger. Out of control. Roared like a wildfire. And you know what she did?" The Siren seemed to choke on her next words. "She.. She tried to kill them. Set their house on fire, with the man she loved and her own child in it."
"She tried to kill my whole family, Hoodie.. And anyone who got in her way. There is no changing that I'll end up the same.. Which means the most I can do to stop it is push everyone away. To at least protect them from me." Another tear rolled down her cheek.. But she quickly wiped it away.
~~~~
"I'm not asking you to settle down in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a dog. Neither of us is that person. We're fighters, both of us. Even if you don't want to admit it." He reached down and took her hand in his. "And you are a fighter. You can fight this. You will fight this."
"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."
"To say that nothing is true, is to realize that the foundations of society are fragile, and that we must be the shepherds of our own civilization. To say that everything is permitted, is to understand that we are the architects of our actions, and that we must live with their consequences, whether glorious or tragic."
Desmond's words echoed those that Ezio had told Sofia Sartzor all those centuries again.
"If you choose to give it all away, to be alone, then you are going to become Ridley you're afraid of. Permanently. You can turn away from it. You can turn away from it. But only if you choose to."
~~~~
For some odd reason, Ridley didn't pull away. She let Desmond take her hand, despite feeling the urge to push Desmond away. She just stared at him quietly; uncertainly. "Do you not get it? I can't fight it, Desmond. Even if I try, I can't. Whether I am a fighter or not." She swallowed hard. "It.. It happens to everyone who goes Dark, eventually."
"All of my consequences are tragic."
What he said next made Ridley frown. "I have nothing to give away, Hoodie. I'm already alone. And.. It's not Ridley that I'm afraid of." She looked away.
"I'm afraid of the Dark."
~~~~
"We work in the dark to serve the light."
~~~~
This just made Ridley shake her head. "Nothing I do is for the Light, Hoodie."
~~~~
Desmond just shook his head in frustration. He was really getting tired of this girl's fatal, self defeating attitude.
"So what then? I'm not here to kill you, and you don't want to live. Where does that leave us? Where do you see this going?"
He pursed his lips, saying aloud what they both were thinking.
"You want to the demon to kill you, don't you?"
~~~~
"I.. I never have an us, Hoodie. It's always just me." That was the truth. Ridley was alone in the world.. Had been, since her Claiming. Everyone pushed her away.. And she pushed right back. Everyone was better off with her being alone.
As for what Desmond said next.. Ridley didn't meet his eyes. "Not necessarily him. Anyone would do. I'm not supposed to be alive.. It's about time that gets mended."
~~~~
And that's when the Assassin's patience snapped. "Fuck Ridley. Just be who you're going to be. People make their own choices, right or wrong. If you're so concerned about being the bad guy, then be the bad guy. But don't blame it on some ancient curse. Just admit that it's you doing it."
~~~~
Well.. That comment certainly made the blonde unhappy. She propped a hand on her hip, frowning deeply. "You really don't get it, do you, Hoodie? I've told you that it is me. The curse? The marking?" she remarked, hand ghosting over the tattoo on her lower torso. "..They're nothing but puny little reminders. If I weren't meant to be dark, myself... I wouldn't have become Dark. It is me, idiot. It always has been."
~~~~
Desmond crossed his arms, not defensive, just done. He cared about this girl, but they had reached an impasse. She was who she was, and he was who he was. That was written in the stars.
"So what now?"
~~~~
In complete and total honesty, Ridley hardly gave a damn about the way Desmond was looking at her. She was probably about just as done as he was: she didn't like his persistence. So what if she didn't actually want to be alone? So what if maybe, and I say maybe, she did like him? It wasn't Desmond's business, in Rid's not-so-humble opinion.
The question garnished little response, and Ridley turned away from Desmond, crossing her arms stubbornly with the deep frown remaining glued to her cherry-red lips. "Jeez, I don't know. You're obviously the smarter one here. So, why don't you make the smart choice and just go away?" Clearly, there was some bitterness there.
~~~~
Desmond rubbed his face. He was still angry, but damn. He wasn't going to leave her on her own. That was how she had died the last time. And Joshua wasn't giving out anymore freebies.
He purposefully flushed his anger, and composed himself. It was something that Connor had taught him through their shared memories, all those years ago in the past.
He placed a hand on her shoulder, commanding and in control, the silent mark of a Mentor.
"Ridley." He said, his voice firm. "You're going to come with me. I'll keep you safe until we're out of this Murder Game. And then..."
And then he'd leave her to while her days away alone in the wide lonely universe.
~~~~
The touch was... Less than appreciated. Rid froze up when it was made, honestly astonished. Why was he touching her? More importantly.. "Why are you still here?" she practically demanded, though the unusually soft tone she spoke in betrayed this. "I don't need you to 'keep me safe'. Don't you get that?" she snapped, trying to forcefully remove his hand from her shoulder. "Even if I did, I don'tdeserve protection. If you can't see that..." she trailed off, practically scoffing. "..you really are an idiot."
~~~~
"I'm done. Maybe I'm an idiot, but you're going to push everyone away until you die alone." Desmond was speaking in anger, but it was feelings that had been boiling up in him the whole time. This whole fucking I can't be loved gimmick had worn off in the first thirteen seconds. "Ridley..." Desmond stopped. "You..."
"I..."
Desmond abruptly left. He wasn't going to stick around and let her... let her... let her what? What did they have, and what were they avoiding saying to each other? It had been so much easier with Luce. Him and her were the same, two Assassins. They both even grew up on the Farm, though they didn't know that at the time.
Desmond, he needed to clear his head, and maybe even leave her behind. Who knows. He certainly didn't.
~~~~
Behind her nonchalant facade.. Ridley cringed. Not because it hurt to hear Desmond say that- well.. That, too, -, but because she knew it was true. Her head hung ever-so-slightly with something between pain and shame, though she wouldn't yet face Desmond again. She pretended not to care, but it did hurt to look at him after talking like that. She didn't.. Like, being a bitch. It was something of a.. Requirement. It kept her from hurting others, and it kept them from getting close enough to hurt her.
..But this hurt her, anyway, didn't it?
Yes, it did. It hurt like absolute hell. Every word was like a slap across the face.. Hard. "Yeah, well.. Maybe I was meant to die alone. But you didn't ever think of that, did you?" she muttered, probably not loud enough for him to hear. Of course, Desmond.. Frank.. They'd screwed that up for her with the way they'd just flocked to her after she took the hit. She didn't even get to die the way she well knew she deserved.
"..Yeah..." was her only response to his last three words. Maybe he didn't finish the statement, but the silence that fell between them spoke a million words. For a good while, the Siren simply stood there, thinking over all of the things she could have said.. But didn't. As per usual, she'd fucked up yet another opportunity. Great. Add another strike to the list.. If only I could just be out already.
Eventually, the silence got to her. It practically screamed that she needed to at least try to make up for what she'd done.. Or, more likely, screw it up worse. That was what she did best, after all, wasn't it? So, reluctantly(after she'd regained composure), she started off the way Desmond had gone with a heavy sigh.
Desmond crossed his arms, not defensive, just done. He cared about this girl, but they had reached an impasse. She was who she was, and he was who he was. That was written in the stars.
"So what now?"
~~~~
In complete and total honesty, Ridley hardly gave a damn about the way Desmond was looking at her. She was probably about just as done as he was: she didn't like his persistence. So what if she didn't actually want to be alone? So what if maybe, and I say maybe, she did like him? It wasn't Desmond's business, in Rid's not-so-humble opinion.
The question garnished little response, and Ridley turned away from Desmond, crossing her arms stubbornly with the deep frown remaining glued to her cherry-red lips. "Jeez, I don't know. You're obviously the smarter one here. So, why don't you make the smart choice and just go away?" Clearly, there was some bitterness there.
~~~~
Desmond rubbed his face. He was still angry, but damn. He wasn't going to leave her on her own. That was how she had died the last time. And Joshua wasn't giving out anymore freebies.
He purposefully flushed his anger, and composed himself. It was something that Connor had taught him through their shared memories, all those years ago in the past.
He placed a hand on her shoulder, commanding and in control, the silent mark of a Mentor.
"Ridley." He said, his voice firm. "You're going to come with me. I'll keep you safe until we're out of this Murder Game. And then..."
And then he'd leave her to while her days away alone in the wide lonely universe.
~~~~
The touch was... Less than appreciated. Rid froze up when it was made, honestly astonished. Why was he touching her? More importantly.. "Why are you still here?" she practically demanded, though the unusually soft tone she spoke in betrayed this. "I don't need you to 'keep me safe'. Don't you get that?" she snapped, trying to forcefully remove his hand from her shoulder. "Even if I did, I don'tdeserve protection. If you can't see that..." she trailed off, practically scoffing. "..you really are an idiot."
~~~~
"I'm done. Maybe I'm an idiot, but you're going to push everyone away until you die alone." Desmond was speaking in anger, but it was feelings that had been boiling up in him the whole time. This whole fucking I can't be loved gimmick had worn off in the first thirteen seconds. "Ridley..." Desmond stopped. "You..."
"I..."
Desmond abruptly left. He wasn't going to stick around and let her... let her... let her what? What did they have, and what were they avoiding saying to each other? It had been so much easier with Luce. Him and her were the same, two Assassins. They both even grew up on the Farm, though they didn't know that at the time.
Desmond, he needed to clear his head, and maybe even leave her behind. Who knows. He certainly didn't.
~~~~
Behind her nonchalant facade.. Ridley cringed. Not because it hurt to hear Desmond say that- well.. That, too, -, but because she knew it was true. Her head hung ever-so-slightly with something between pain and shame, though she wouldn't yet face Desmond again. She pretended not to care, but it did hurt to look at him after talking like that. She didn't.. Like, being a bitch. It was something of a.. Requirement. It kept her from hurting others, and it kept them from getting close enough to hurt her.
..But this hurt her, anyway, didn't it?
Yes, it did. It hurt like absolute hell. Every word was like a slap across the face.. Hard. "Yeah, well.. Maybe I was meant to die alone. But you didn't ever think of that, did you?" she muttered, probably not loud enough for him to hear. Of course, Desmond.. Frank.. They'd screwed that up for her with the way they'd just flocked to her after she took the hit. She didn't even get to die the way she well knew she deserved.
"..Yeah..." was her only response to his last three words. Maybe he didn't finish the statement, but the silence that fell between them spoke a million words. For a good while, the Siren simply stood there, thinking over all of the things she could have said.. But didn't. As per usual, she'd fucked up yet another opportunity. Great. Add another strike to the list.. If only I could just be out already.
Eventually, the silence got to her. It practically screamed that she needed to at least try to make up for what she'd done.. Or, more likely, screw it up worse. That was what she did best, after all, wasn't it? So, reluctantly(after she'd regained composure), she started off the way Desmond had gone with a heavy sigh.