Focusedheart
Through all, smile. Through the worst, smirk.
The craziest things, thoughts, ideas aren't always shared, sometimes they are locked away. Emotions stuck with the memories they cling to, yet every once in a while the emotions slip out, escaping through the hole in the wall that was constructed just for them, just to keep them in. They don't escape to just do it, they escape and release a chaos that can't be explained or controlled. One can only hold on.
But it doesn't always happen right away, the wall must be built first, but in order for the wall to be built, something must happen...something to trigger that old protective habit to be set free.
It starts as just the changing of emotions, the locking up. Then the numbness comes but after, it's the ability to walk around as if nothing was wrong, to smile without any indication to what terrible things cling to the mind.
Smiling on the outside, but the mind is numb, the wall made sure of that. It can happen over night, a click that just takes place so quickly that there is no time to respond or to even realize it's happened.
Yet this path, it's been traveled before, the pattern it's familiar and in all of it's dangerous self, it's clear what the end will be if the path is not changed.
A pattern that can't be continued but it's caught, it's been seen, felt. It has to be changed.
But how, how does one change something that was so terribly hard to be rid of the first time, and now back a second time, it's hard to remove oneself from it's lure of ignorant bliss, that silence that just pulls at the core of someone.
It can't be left to linger though, it is a disease of many kinds, a disease that starts out one way before exploding one day into a dangerous self.
Feeling lost on how to change this pattern but yet knowing how to change it is different. Needing a guidance that will pull that wall down and release what it's trying to bury. It can't bury it. Burying anything only hides it and not very well.
This dangerous self can't be left behind that wall to attack. It must be brought out and destroyed.
But it doesn't always happen right away, the wall must be built first, but in order for the wall to be built, something must happen...something to trigger that old protective habit to be set free.
It starts as just the changing of emotions, the locking up. Then the numbness comes but after, it's the ability to walk around as if nothing was wrong, to smile without any indication to what terrible things cling to the mind.
Smiling on the outside, but the mind is numb, the wall made sure of that. It can happen over night, a click that just takes place so quickly that there is no time to respond or to even realize it's happened.
Yet this path, it's been traveled before, the pattern it's familiar and in all of it's dangerous self, it's clear what the end will be if the path is not changed.
A pattern that can't be continued but it's caught, it's been seen, felt. It has to be changed.
But how, how does one change something that was so terribly hard to be rid of the first time, and now back a second time, it's hard to remove oneself from it's lure of ignorant bliss, that silence that just pulls at the core of someone.
It can't be left to linger though, it is a disease of many kinds, a disease that starts out one way before exploding one day into a dangerous self.
Feeling lost on how to change this pattern but yet knowing how to change it is different. Needing a guidance that will pull that wall down and release what it's trying to bury. It can't bury it. Burying anything only hides it and not very well.
This dangerous self can't be left behind that wall to attack. It must be brought out and destroyed.