Inside the light, nothing is seen;
inside the dark, everything is seen properly.
inside the dark, everything is seen properly.
There is a thickening darkness...
It crawls up the walls,
Slithers around ankles,
And grows heavy in the corners.
It crawls up the walls,
Slithers around ankles,
And grows heavy in the corners.
There was nothing around me. Nothing but the darkness that urged to consume me. I didn't know why... but I felt like falling into the darkness... as if I've lost something to it...
Rain, wind, clear weather, coldness, happiness, sorrow;
they're all a celestial deed.
they're all a celestial deed.
Darkness, layered upon darkness...
Suffocating...
Growing...
Consuming...
Suffocating...
Growing...
Consuming...
The deed is done. I don't know why, but now, I'm falling. Endless falling... I could hear the rain pounding against the depths that is the bottom...
Humans are in an ocean current like constellations;
in order they'll burn, then will freeze.
There is an impending chill,
It dances up my spine,
Strangles with a shudder,
And silences breath.
It dances up my spine,
Strangles with a shudder,
And silences breath.
Everything could be felt upon my very being, and I couldn't tell what that everything was. All I knew was that I fell and fell. There really was no end to it.
Several times, I beg a wish.
A herd of twinkles. A star cluster increases.
Cold fingers, twisting...
A clank of broken bones...
Screeching...
Deafening...
A clank of broken bones...
Screeching...
Deafening...
Despite all of the horrid things that possibly surrounded me in the dark, I wished relentlessly for this to meet an end. Wish after wish. Regret after regret. Not even a single miracle can save me. I continued to fall.
The sound of unchanged wishes were inside a phase,
in a lapis lazuli blue sky.
There is mouthless, silent scream,
It travels wordlessly,
Cuts through air,
And stops the world.
It travels wordlessly,
Cuts through air,
And stops the world.
It happens again and again... falling and falling with no end. It was a never-ending hell, and even the light to purge this descending dark would not cease the falling. Time from time, I'll collide with something through the falling, and even if it were lethal or not, I continued to watch my free-fall. However, this period of falling was different: I saw something... and for a moment, the falling stopped.
Embrace a wish, it'll fall granted.
In the invite of light, go across the muddy stream, and blow it away.
Blood curdling, design...
Alarmingly eerie...
Terrifying...
Horrifying...
Alarmingly eerie...
Terrifying...
Horrifying...
I didn't know if my wish was granted or not, but I saw something different. Rain pounding onto the cemented ground... which explained the sounds of rain that I heard from afar earlier. Yet, I was not alone in it... others were present. Others... that I did not want to see...
My heartbeat increasing at the thought of seeing her again... I couldn't figure out why I was seeing some other event that I wasn't involved in... an event that involved that girl with the black cloak.
Exe.
My former superior from the Institute. Why was I seeing this? Why her again? My eyes darted over to the other figure that was confronting the twisted leader... A girl that bore a lolita-style dress and a purple cat tail. Who was she?
Wait... why am I seeing this? This... blue glowing connection between myself and this young girl. I don't know who she even is! How am I connected to her? In my attempt to move myself over to the girl to tap her shoulder, my hand goes through her as if I were a ghost. In fact, this entire scenario playing out in front of me, whether it be in the past or not, I was only an astral projection in some sorts. They couldn't see me, but yet, in return, I couldn't hear anything that they were saying. Though, despite that, I could tell that they were in conflict, I recognized that stern look in the eyes of Exe.
The young girl looked pretty angry herself, taking out a scythe, and prepared to go face-to-face with the Institute leader. However, it was all for naught, and I watched as another literally pop out of nowhere. The girl was trapped, and for some reason, I felt a growing fear... a fear that could be shared with that girl. I couldn't do anything to stop this, and was only able to watch with great suspense.
Exe had that nasty smirk on her face, one that I would do more than wipe it off of her face. Pulling out a pistol, she aimed the mundane weapon to the young girl's forehead. I wanted to throw myself in-between them, stop this conflict, because I knew that if I were connected to that girl, that meant that she was important...
Even so, I was only observing, I couldn't do anything. Yet, I heard a voice echo in my head... alike to the voice that would offer me power ever since I survived a bullet to the head those years back...
My time is up, no more miracles to hide behind. However, you... you'll continue that miracle for me. Right?
Miracles? What was this about? A reference to how my whole existence was a goddamn miracle? Was this that girl talking to me through her thoughts? She knew that I was watching somehow? My head was swirling with all sorts of questions... jumbling up my thought process and attention to the current situation playing before me.
Then it happened.
A single gunshot.
A bullet to the girl's head.
It dared to go and sink into that poor girl's forehead... but instead of doing what I expected... it only made contact.
Then... then...
There was nothing left...
Since when did Exe get a weapon or ability to do that? To... to literally erase someone's physical existence! As the girl was erased from the face of reality, pounding headaches bombarded me... I felt like I was going to die. That connection I had with the girl... it was gone too. Or was it? I couldn't be sure... because as the radiant blue began to fade away... I could've sworn that something small with the same blue glow had plunged into me... I wasn't sure if it was only my imagination.
Watching Exe beginning to walk away from the scene, I felt myself beginning to fall again, the entire event around me was falling apart too...
If you chase it, it'll vanish. A falling star will be destroyed.
In the end and in the beginning of seasons, rumors have no time remaining.
There is a thickening darkness...
It crawls up the walls,
Slithers around ankles,
And grows heavy in the corners.
It crawls up the walls,
Slithers around ankles,
And grows heavy in the corners.
There was no mercy for me. I only fell like I was supposed to... ever since I took that killing blow and lived.
I'll avoid drizzle, if I dwell in the shade of trees;
perhaps, I can meet you in the calm.
I wish I could imagine
such a world where suffering
wasn't the basis of life
and where we must suffer
to understand the love behind all feelings.
such a world where suffering
wasn't the basis of life
and where we must suffer
to understand the love behind all feelings.
And... and...
"Hey, Lapis, wake up."
A hushed whisper beckoning me to wake up, I did so. Strange that I did not need sleep but yet I did fall asleep again... My eyes opened up to see that a certain demon king had been watching over me... worried...
"Abel... what are you doing up this late? ... it's around 4 A.M. in the morning."
Sitting up on the bed, I'll take a quick glance at the alarm clock to see the time, questioning something that didn't need to be answered. I just felt like I needed something to say, to be honest.
"Isn't it obvious, Lapis? I wanted to make sure that you were fine and all. I've been noticing that you haven't been sleeping too soundly for the past few days, and on top of that, you looked like you were experiencing some terrible nightmare tonight... Are you ok-"
"Of course I'm okay. It's just nightmares, nothing like that is going to hurt me."
I didn't mean to answer so abruptly, to where he couldn't even finish his question. I only wanted to distance him away from my inner conflicts, but a tinge of regret echoed in my head as I watched Abel take a moment to look away out of embarrassment. It's been a good while since I've moved in with him, and still, just like the Akibahara incident, he always worried for my own safety.
"Oh, I guess I didn't need to ask..."
So I had a really bad habit of making people feel this way, but it was real trouble for me too, trying to make sure that no one gets involved in what I have to go through myself. I just couldn't stand to see people who didn't deserve any part of my conflicts to be hurt by them... Sighing at Abel's response, I tugged at his arm lightly, trying to get his attention.
"Hey... Abel, can you stay close with me tonight? I... I just feel like I need the company... while I sleep..."
While I was a stammering mess when it came to asking him to practically snuggle up with me, Abel had a flushing red appear on his cheeks. Guess we were both surprised of my own words here...
"Gnar gada!"
Out of nowhere, our little bundle of furry joy hopped onto the bed, guess the little yordle was also woken up by our talking.
"Hey, we can even have Gnar snuggle up for the night. I don't think I'll leave him out of this at all. Huh?"
Even if it were practically a situation where Abel couldn't say "no" in, he didn't seem he was bothered by the lack of choices, and rather looked like he was completely fine and content with this.
"That's fine with me, c'mon, let's get all snug and close first."
The pounding headaches that I was getting earlier began to fade away once I was close in the company of Abel and Gnar, I rested my head against my readjusted pillow... I felt the urge to fall asleep peacefully this time. Before I would be consumed by sleep, however, Abel leaned over and snuck a quick kiss to the forehead.
"... night, Rinato-chan~"
Inside, I knew that something wrong would happen later on in our lives, from what I've seen in my dreams, or rather nightmares. Exe was out there... waiting for me to appear before her for real in some way... However, for now, I'll keep my hopes up, and continue looking for that miracle... somehow.
"Good night Abel-kun..."
My eyes fluttered shut, and I fell to a rather peaceful slumber tonight.
The silence, in the silence you could hear it;
the undulations of a smelting furnace linked.
Inside the light, nothing is seen;
inside the dark, everything is seen properly.
In the scenery of the other day, it repeated;
even if it can't turn back, you shouldn't hesitate.
If you really wish for it,
throw away your idle thoughts, in the small gap before alighting.
Watch the twinkling, while it starts again;
several times, I beg for that wish.
That wish to either die to cease my sufferings... or live in vain of hurting others.
I needed to choose, and I didn't know what to do...
All I did... was fall...