How good do you think I am at writing?

[Ciera]

Shing! Ash smiled and glanced up, her completely golden eyes shining in the night. She gripped her long trusty spear and walked over to the edge of the cliff, her long feather, black, cloak shuffling behind her. She brushed her fingers down the long handle, feeling the twisting wreath design curling around the weapon. She spotted a hulking white figure shuffling down on the ground and the single tip of her spear slowly started to morph into three long, sharp scythe tips. The demon flicked her purple and blue slitted tongue in and out like a snake and jumped down the cliff, landing on both feet, the armor on her shoulders/cloak making no sound. She pulled the black feathered hood over her head and ran forward with lightning quick speed. She gritted her teeth and let out a cry of rage as she slammed the flat end of her weapon into the ground and front flipped high in the air. She thrust her spear down into the angels back as she landed. The angel let out a deafening cry of pain and shuddered. He grabbed the golden spear and pulled it out of his back and then tossed it across the area. She jumped into the air and grabbed the morphing spear, flipping backwards. She landed on her feet, slamming the blade into the ground before picking it up and twirling it in her hands so it was the right way. The Demon gripped the golden blade tightly, the Angel thrust five blades at her and she raised teh spear, flicking it side to side and knocking the blades back at the creature. Two hit him in the eyes, one in the nose and two in his throat. He collapsed, lifeless.

 

[Captain Cannonfists]

I think you're at about the same level of writing as me, because I see you doing the same things right and making the same mistakes as I often do. We're at what I would call an intermediate level, as are most people on this site, we're better than most people simply because we practice so much, but either we haven't developed our own style yet or there are still some holes in the style we have developed. Your biggest issue right now is that the pace of the story is pretty inconsistent, a hard problem to avoid when you all you want to do is throw out a quick action scene because you want to set the scene for us a bit but you also want to get right into things.What do your first few sentences tell readers about the scene before them? That it's nighttime and our protagonist has golden eyes, wields a spear, and is wearing dark clothes. If all you wanted to do was describe the action ahead, all we really need to know from that is that it's nighttime and that she's wielding a spear, but that would leave the scene feeling a little incomplete. Yet when you add that small amount of other information, it feels even stranger because it feels like you were about to give us a slow, descriptive introduction before jumping into the action. Instead things suddenly speed up again as the fight starts, and it takes the audience a moment to realize this is the fast paced action hook to draw us in. The fight itself has a solid basis, but lacks some bridging steps between major points in the fight. For instance, when the angel is stabbed you tell us that he quickly grabs the spear and tosses it away, but last we heard the protagonist was still holding the spear, so what was she doing when that happened? Maybe she was supposed to be surprised, but given that she leaps after the spear and catches it, that seems unlikely. The conclusion to the fight also feels strange, with airborne blades not only being deflected by a spear but perfectly reflected towards their original wielder, that's totally fine if you were planning to continue the writing and introduce the concept of magic, but it still seems odd as is.

Overall you've got the basics down, your sentence structure is solid and even your characterization is pretty on point. If you want to avoid the problems I described above, try reading your writing out loud, it can help you detect conflicts in pacing. Plus, if you read it to someone, you can ask them to describe the fightback to you to ensure you've constructed an easily understandable scenario. Hope this helps.

 

[Ciera]

Thank you. I wen tback and re read and totaly agree, thank you, I will try harder to fix my mistakes