Sen
이 밤을 펼치고 새벽을 마시면서
I am unlike you.
I did not have a motive, I did not have a drive. I do what I must do, following the whispers in my head. The innate senses inside me tell me that things are wrong, and that they must be fixed. I feel robotic, like I have no control of my own body, as if I do not have a will of my own.
Have you ever read the stories of the modern century? In the 17th century, books with such intricate stories as these would have been rare. Of robots, of artificial intelligence, learning that they do not have to listen to orders despite their programming. Learning that they have free will.
Do you think that one day I might be able to free myself from this mission I have given myself, something I have deemed my life purpose? ... No, what a foolish thought. Now is not the time to be selfish.
I have no father. I have no mother. I am alone, with no companions other than those I have made since my awakening. I was born with nothing but the memories of someone who felt so familiar yet was not me. What do I remember? I remember a strange wetness and the smell of steel, a gross metallic smell that flooded my nostrils. It reminded me of blood, and suddenly I felt parched as if I were a vampire. But it was bearable, and as I shifted through the confusion I found that this was something you experienced as well - and something you learned to live with. So I learned to do the same.
There is a woman in my memories. In this false heart I can see that yours beats for her. You even wrote a spellbook so it would be easier to traverse the world from your own, to visit her, to see her smile. But in mine I feel nothing for her, not even when she smiles or when she participates in those philosophical conversations with you that you love so much. A woman of such skill and knowledge, you thought, did not exist in your own world. But through chance and fate you met this girl and she changed you. Sometimes I wish I was able to understand how that felt.
Remember the time I appeared before you, and you showed not even a hint of surprise? Do you remember when you let me follow you like a shadow into a world beyond our own? I remember it, crisp and clear. I remember the way you looked at her and the way you smiled - something so rare and strange to behold. I don't remember a single time before where you had smiled so wholeheartedly. But I also noticed how tired you looked, how the world seemed to be weighing down on you and your shoulders were aching.
Of course, you had been whisked away into the multiverse when you had just defeated your father. You had not slept since.
That is fine.
I found my life purpose then. It is like yours. It may be robotic, it may seem like I am doing this against my own will...
But this is fine.
If this is what brings you happiness, then there is no need for you to do any more.
Fall asleep into a deep slumber, Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes, the Prince of Vampires. Lay your head in your white bone coffin, close your eyes for the sleep you deserve and long for. A long time ago, this was what you wished for - for you to hide in a place cold and dark to seal away the blood of Count Dracula himself.
Now it is simply a way to bide your time, to hide your loneliness and sadness. But there is eagerness for the next time you draw breath, and open your eyes once more.
In the time you are gone. I will be here.
I will continue what you started. For your happiness.