Magellan
Member
Oh man I thought it was so good, I reckon it was better than both of the other Disney ones.
I found this part kind of dumb to be honest. It's wierd that this is the first time we see her use the force and it broke my immersion a bit seeing her just floating like that. There's gotta be a better way they could've had her injured for most of the movie and even if she did die in that explosion I don't think it would've been the worst thing plot-wise, it has a big impact on Kylo as well as the resistance characters.
Yoda was great. I thought he looked a bit off visually, maybe the glow effect was too bright, I'll have to watch it again to be sure though. Anyway, character wise, crazy Yoda is the Yoda I like best, most similar to the one we first meet on Dagobah and way better than the flippy light-saber fighting one from the prequels. It's the first time a force ghost has had an effect on the physical world too which is big, excited to see what they're gonna do with that in the next one what with Luke probably being a force ghost now.
I loved what they did with his character this movie. I thought he was good in TFA as well when everybody was complaining about him not being the next Vader even though that was completely the point of his character. His interactions with Rey felt realistic and both actors had me sold. The fight scene with the red guards was fantastic, I saw some complaints about there not being a lightsaber duel in this one but this fight sequence definitely makes up for that, it was so good. That whole throne room scene is probably my fav in the whole movie and I loved the fact he killed Snoke and can't wait to see what they're gonna do with him in the next movie.
She was alright. To be fair, her subplot had the casino planet which I reckon was the weakest part of the movie so while I'm not overly thrilled about her, I think she fits in pretty well. The kiss at the end was cheesy though. To contrast, I was a huge fan of the code-breaker character, loved the scene where showed Finn those arms-dealers weren't just selling to the First Order.
Just have some questions of my own now whoever wants to answer them
How did everybody feel about Luke?
Personally I really liked him, took the meaning of Jedi back to what it was in the Original Trilogy. The last scene with him and the twin suns was a great call-back too, I'm happy they did that. Today I saw some Mark Hamill interviews and it sounds like he really doesn't like what's happened to Luke and a lot of people think he would've gone and taken the fight to the First Order earlier, what do you reckon?
What was the reaction to Snoke's death?
Is Rey overpowered/ a mary sue?
I found this part kind of dumb to be honest. It's wierd that this is the first time we see her use the force and it broke my immersion a bit seeing her just floating like that. There's gotta be a better way they could've had her injured for most of the movie and even if she did die in that explosion I don't think it would've been the worst thing plot-wise, it has a big impact on Kylo as well as the resistance characters.
Yoda was great. I thought he looked a bit off visually, maybe the glow effect was too bright, I'll have to watch it again to be sure though. Anyway, character wise, crazy Yoda is the Yoda I like best, most similar to the one we first meet on Dagobah and way better than the flippy light-saber fighting one from the prequels. It's the first time a force ghost has had an effect on the physical world too which is big, excited to see what they're gonna do with that in the next one what with Luke probably being a force ghost now.
I loved what they did with his character this movie. I thought he was good in TFA as well when everybody was complaining about him not being the next Vader even though that was completely the point of his character. His interactions with Rey felt realistic and both actors had me sold. The fight scene with the red guards was fantastic, I saw some complaints about there not being a lightsaber duel in this one but this fight sequence definitely makes up for that, it was so good. That whole throne room scene is probably my fav in the whole movie and I loved the fact he killed Snoke and can't wait to see what they're gonna do with him in the next movie.
She was alright. To be fair, her subplot had the casino planet which I reckon was the weakest part of the movie so while I'm not overly thrilled about her, I think she fits in pretty well. The kiss at the end was cheesy though. To contrast, I was a huge fan of the code-breaker character, loved the scene where showed Finn those arms-dealers weren't just selling to the First Order.
Just have some questions of my own now whoever wants to answer them
How did everybody feel about Luke?
Personally I really liked him, took the meaning of Jedi back to what it was in the Original Trilogy. The last scene with him and the twin suns was a great call-back too, I'm happy they did that. Today I saw some Mark Hamill interviews and it sounds like he really doesn't like what's happened to Luke and a lot of people think he would've gone and taken the fight to the First Order earlier, what do you reckon?
What was the reaction to Snoke's death?
Is Rey overpowered/ a mary sue?
So I'm gonna do this in a drunken rambling style of review, because I thought that would be fun. I also thought it might be fun to put a comedic spin to my typically dry dissection of film and novels, so... Here you go. Enjoy. Or, like, don't, I'm not your dad.
Also, like, my review is super duper critical of the movie, because that is my thing with reviewing stuff, so... Don't read this if you're easily offended. You've been warned... Here we go... I expected to anger at least one person, sorry to that person.
tl;dr: The movie's a solid 4/10. I don't even mean that offensively, or to belittle the film, or to be some edgetastic shitlord who OCD's over every Star Wars release. Personally I'm of the crowd that thinks that Star Wars ended back in 1983. Everybody's entitled to enjoy the things they enjoy and this is just my opinion on it, so if you think it's 11/10 worthy be my guest. You're allowed to feel that way, and you aren't wrong subjectively.
Objectively, though, you are very wrong.
Opinion: This film is basically Empire, but with a couple of plot twists that they renege on almost immediately, and to massive detriment. So I'll number list what I think of the film I guess, because I'mlazy organized.
#1: The plot is dumb.
Everything about the plot makes no sense, and feels like a bunch of incoherent side plots inadequately woven together in an inordinately overcomplicated way. Which is hilarious, because the charm of Star Wars was that they were actually super simple stories about space knights rescuing space princesses from spacetowers balls, in space. Woo.
You could literally delete the entire Casino sequence--which was about 40 minutes of my life I can't get back, by the way--and lose nothing of value to the plot outside of Rose's shoved in introduction. (We'll get to her later.) No, really, think about it: The entire point of going there was to get a codebreaker so they could infiltrate the giant murder triangle. Alright, cool. So they get the codebreaker by accident (thank god they wound up in the same cell, amirite?) and manage to escape to infiltrate the ship. Then they immediately fail anyway, rendering the entire subplot worthless.
Gee, thanks.
Well, what about Rei?
She goes to a planet to get trained. Luke's scenes are... Largely wasted, not entirely. The scenes needed to happen but because Rei literally can't do wrong, or have wrongthink, Yoda pops in by the end of this subplot to tell Luke that truly she was the one to teach him things. Yeah, really selling the idea that this character isn't cavity-inducingly perfect. Thanks. Also, the idea that Luke--the guy who literally nearly sacrificed himself at the end of Return of the Jedi to try and save a the soul of an irredeemable motherfucker who cut off his haaaaand and murdered scores of his brothers in arms in the rebellion--would seriously consider murdering the literal progeny of the sister he loves is beyond fucked up. It's taking the one core aspect of Luke Skywalker that made him admirable (being the moralistic determinator) and rips it out of him so that Rei can have it instead. Because if Luke had it, Rei might have actually had to learn something from him. We can't have that. It's 2017.
Woo.
Then the film almost gets better. The entire throne room scene where Snoke gets his ranting ass cut in half is great. The fight scene after is okay, it does the job better than the prequels ever did.
And then they do the dumbest thing imaginable.
Instead of actually advancing Star Wars for the first time in like... 30 fucking years... By moving on past depictions of good and evil, and allowing this weird relationship to advance, they have Kylo Murderface propose that the only way to move on properly is to murder fucking everyone. Yeah, awesome... Why? You rejected Snookie (that's what I call Snoke at this point) and Luke, and so has Rei largely, so... Why? Why are you suddenly so stup-- oh right, so we can go back to people hitting each other with laser swords over good and evil, and giant doom lasers, and... Oh god, I'm too old for this.
Also, Rei somehow escapes again, once again completely neutering the threat of the empire, but, get on that in a bit.
They then have a second climax (because this bloated fucking movie needed another one of those for some reason), where we have a mini death star laser (no, fucking really, you couldn't go just one film without this giant laser thing?...) and the heroes have to stop it. They then don't, but Luke saves them with force ghost... Powers. And then he just fucking disappears and Rei saves everyone again.
The end. Snookie--a guy we barely know is dead--and KyloMcMurderface is now in charge, having abandoned what little sympathetic development he had with Rei. Rei suffered no consequences, neither did Poe, in spite of both of them doing overwhelmingly dumb things throughout most of the film.
In summary: This is the plot of Empire Strikes Back, written by a 12 year old who is terrified of hurting any of the characters he actually cares about.
ALSO NOW WE CAN SELL PORGS FUCK YES MONEY YEAAAAHHHHHHH (although not gonna lie I do think they're cute.)
#2: The characters are also dumb, and nothing of consequence is allowed to happen to them.
No, really. Think about it. Let's go over how utterly insane some of these death avoidance moments are.
I'm gonna skip evaluating every characters because, fuck that, this review is a bloated mess already (just like the movie haHaaaaaa!) but there is one character that I despise, more than anything. One character that is somehow worse, and more destructive, than Jar Jar Binks.
Rose.
They introduce this character in the second film and she completely derails every attempt that Finn has at doing anything, interesting, ever. Every single thing she does is irrational and moronic. She agrees to a pie in the sky fantasy plan to acquire a codebreaker whose existence they can only trace to a pin, on a casino world. She hates the casino world because she grew up poor and rich people are all meanies. The casino world exists solely to build up her character and romance with Finn, to which she then promptly fails at everything she does.
Then, to show how much she loves Finn, she rams her ship into Finn's ship,killing them both horribly in a suitable explosion saving his life fucking somehow idk a space wizard did it. Then tells him that she loves him, and kisses him, and Finn has a suitably confused and stunned expression. She also passes along this nugget of insanity: "We won't win by fighting the things we hate. We'll win by saving the things we love."
Okay. Pop quiz.
Finn was about to sacrifice himself to destroy a thing he hates... To save all the people he loves which you have just potentially fucked over now, Rose. Because remember, they don't know Luke is there. She literally just doomed everyone to save one guy, by nearly murdering them both. She nearly murdered the thing she loves to save the thing she loves from the thing she hates that is now going to destroy them both.
Fucking brilliant writing, 10/10.
Then again, this character's entire purpose is to be a throwaway romance. Her name is literally Rose. They couldn't even be more clever and come up with the name of another flower, like Chrysanthemum, no, it had to be Rose, because she exists to be fodder for Finn.
I would literally give the third film a 10/10 if it kills off Rose for her next inevitably incredibly stupid action. Please. Please do it. I know you won't, Disney, because you don't have the balls to actually do that, but... Dear god, please. We already have one Mary Sue please don't make it two.
Oh, yeah, and Admiral Akbar is dead. You know, that character we all knew and loved so well, for his iconic lines, like "it's a trap!" And... Um... Uh...
#3: Everything that is good in this movie, was good because OG Star Wars did it first.
So in essence: This film is a bad Star Wars film. It is completely devoid of character consequences, and so forth.
But do I think this is the worst film ever?
No. Not by a longshot. This film has good qualities.
This also isn't the worst Star Wars movie, because nothing will be worse than the Holiday Special. Nothing. Ever.
If you enjoy mindless and entertaining laser swords and explosions, this movie is for you.
If you enjoy thinking about things for more than five minutes, this is... Probably not.
Also the porgs are fucking cute. Bye.
PS: I forgot Captain Phasma was a thing already. Glad the writers took care of that for me so I don't have to remember for the third film. Thanks, Didneydoshit.
Oh, wait, shit, more questions. Okay.
(Why would Luke ever want to murder anyone lmao)
Fuck.
Also, like, my review is super duper critical of the movie, because that is my thing with reviewing stuff, so... Don't read this if you're easily offended. You've been warned... Here we go... I expected to anger at least one person, sorry to that person.
Bad. Very bad.
Confirmed Rei's Mary Sue status for me, so... Thanks you little green goblin.
One of the only interesting parts of the film, let down by a climax that backpeddles on every risk it took with him.
Self-insert fantasy fan character that can do no wrong in spite of making the most idiotic decisions imaginable. (You're gonna save Finn by ramming your dumb ass into him at high speed and possibly murdering you both? Why?!... To fight for the things you love?! Well, isn't Finn dying to save the things he loves? YOUR LOGIC IS BAD. FEEL BAD.)
tl;dr: The movie's a solid 4/10. I don't even mean that offensively, or to belittle the film, or to be some edgetastic shitlord who OCD's over every Star Wars release. Personally I'm of the crowd that thinks that Star Wars ended back in 1983. Everybody's entitled to enjoy the things they enjoy and this is just my opinion on it, so if you think it's 11/10 worthy be my guest. You're allowed to feel that way, and you aren't wrong subjectively.
Objectively, though, you are very wrong.
Opinion: This film is basically Empire, but with a couple of plot twists that they renege on almost immediately, and to massive detriment. So I'll number list what I think of the film I guess, because I'm
#1: The plot is dumb.
Everything about the plot makes no sense, and feels like a bunch of incoherent side plots inadequately woven together in an inordinately overcomplicated way. Which is hilarious, because the charm of Star Wars was that they were actually super simple stories about space knights rescuing space princesses from space
You could literally delete the entire Casino sequence--which was about 40 minutes of my life I can't get back, by the way--and lose nothing of value to the plot outside of Rose's shoved in introduction. (We'll get to her later.) No, really, think about it: The entire point of going there was to get a codebreaker so they could infiltrate the giant murder triangle. Alright, cool. So they get the codebreaker by accident (thank god they wound up in the same cell, amirite?) and manage to escape to infiltrate the ship. Then they immediately fail anyway, rendering the entire subplot worthless.
Gee, thanks.
Well, what about Rei?
She goes to a planet to get trained. Luke's scenes are... Largely wasted, not entirely. The scenes needed to happen but because Rei literally can't do wrong, or have wrongthink, Yoda pops in by the end of this subplot to tell Luke that truly she was the one to teach him things. Yeah, really selling the idea that this character isn't cavity-inducingly perfect. Thanks. Also, the idea that Luke--the guy who literally nearly sacrificed himself at the end of Return of the Jedi to try and save a the soul of an irredeemable motherfucker who cut off his haaaaand and murdered scores of his brothers in arms in the rebellion--would seriously consider murdering the literal progeny of the sister he loves is beyond fucked up. It's taking the one core aspect of Luke Skywalker that made him admirable (being the moralistic determinator) and rips it out of him so that Rei can have it instead. Because if Luke had it, Rei might have actually had to learn something from him. We can't have that. It's 2017.
Woo.
Then the film almost gets better. The entire throne room scene where Snoke gets his ranting ass cut in half is great. The fight scene after is okay, it does the job better than the prequels ever did.
And then they do the dumbest thing imaginable.
Instead of actually advancing Star Wars for the first time in like... 30 fucking years... By moving on past depictions of good and evil, and allowing this weird relationship to advance, they have Kylo Murderface propose that the only way to move on properly is to murder fucking everyone. Yeah, awesome... Why? You rejected Snookie (that's what I call Snoke at this point) and Luke, and so has Rei largely, so... Why? Why are you suddenly so stup-- oh right, so we can go back to people hitting each other with laser swords over good and evil, and giant doom lasers, and... Oh god, I'm too old for this.
Also, Rei somehow escapes again, once again completely neutering the threat of the empire, but, get on that in a bit.
They then have a second climax (because this bloated fucking movie needed another one of those for some reason), where we have a mini death star laser (no, fucking really, you couldn't go just one film without this giant laser thing?...) and the heroes have to stop it. They then don't, but Luke saves them with force ghost... Powers. And then he just fucking disappears and Rei saves everyone again.
The end. Snookie--a guy we barely know is dead--and KyloMcMurderface is now in charge, having abandoned what little sympathetic development he had with Rei. Rei suffered no consequences, neither did Poe, in spite of both of them doing overwhelmingly dumb things throughout most of the film.
In summary: This is the plot of Empire Strikes Back, written by a 12 year old who is terrified of hurting any of the characters he actually cares about.
ALSO NOW WE CAN SELL PORGS FUCK YES MONEY YEAAAAHHHHHHH (although not gonna lie I do think they're cute.)
#2: The characters are also dumb, and nothing of consequence is allowed to happen to them.
No, really. Think about it. Let's go over how utterly insane some of these death avoidance moments are.
- Some chick (Leia, I know, don't correct me) gets blown up on the bridge, floats out into space, hovers there for like way more time than is necessary to kill a person, and then CGI Superman floats back inside. An airlock then opens to let her onto the ship that rightfully should have sucked out everyone else with decompression, but it didn't, because the plot armour on some of these characters is unreal.
- Poe single handedly takes on a Dreadnought and takes out all of its laser cannon things without dying. He tanks a hanger explosion to the face and lives without so much as a scratch. He leads a mutiny and the reaction of the characters in charge--including the person he threatened with a fucking gun--is like "yeah nah I totes like bad boys." Are you serious? He was a deluded lunatic for half of the movie. "He was just trying to save everyone!" Right, and if I hijack a space bus of space kids, and claim I'm trying to save them all, you--not knowing the context as to why--would rightfully probably shoot me out the airlock. Yeah.
- Rose rams her ship into Finn, rightfully killing both of them as their ships explode. They're fine. She loves him tho, so this is fine.
- They literally couldn't think of how Luke could die, but they needed to kill him off because he's the new mentor, so... He just... Literally disappears in a fade shot. Oh my god that is lazy.
- They brought Rei into the throne room due to her arrogance. Finally, a character flaw--she felt she could save Kylo from himself, and gets captured and tortured. Fantastic! So what debilitating injury will she get as a result of thi-- oh fucking nothing great yeah fantastic. By the second film in the original trilogy, for comparison, Luke in his arrogance, gets toyed with by Vader, and has his hand cut off like the punk ass he is, and almost dies. Luke's actions had consequences. Rei's actions don't.
I'm gonna skip evaluating every characters because, fuck that, this review is a bloated mess already (just like the movie haHaaaaaa!) but there is one character that I despise, more than anything. One character that is somehow worse, and more destructive, than Jar Jar Binks.
Rose.
They introduce this character in the second film and she completely derails every attempt that Finn has at doing anything, interesting, ever. Every single thing she does is irrational and moronic. She agrees to a pie in the sky fantasy plan to acquire a codebreaker whose existence they can only trace to a pin, on a casino world. She hates the casino world because she grew up poor and rich people are all meanies. The casino world exists solely to build up her character and romance with Finn, to which she then promptly fails at everything she does.
Then, to show how much she loves Finn, she rams her ship into Finn's ship,
Okay. Pop quiz.
Finn was about to sacrifice himself to destroy a thing he hates... To save all the people he loves which you have just potentially fucked over now, Rose. Because remember, they don't know Luke is there. She literally just doomed everyone to save one guy, by nearly murdering them both. She nearly murdered the thing she loves to save the thing she loves from the thing she hates that is now going to destroy them both.
Fucking brilliant writing, 10/10.
Then again, this character's entire purpose is to be a throwaway romance. Her name is literally Rose. They couldn't even be more clever and come up with the name of another flower, like Chrysanthemum, no, it had to be Rose, because she exists to be fodder for Finn.
I would literally give the third film a 10/10 if it kills off Rose for her next inevitably incredibly stupid action. Please. Please do it. I know you won't, Disney, because you don't have the balls to actually do that, but... Dear god, please. We already have one Mary Sue please don't make it two.
Oh, yeah, and Admiral Akbar is dead. You know, that character we all knew and loved so well, for his iconic lines, like "it's a trap!" And... Um... Uh...
#3: Everything that is good in this movie, was good because OG Star Wars did it first.
- The soundtrack that everyone loves is overwhelmingly remixes of or direct rips of old songs.
- The aesthetic and visual style of the universe is owed to the original trilogy, and even a bit of the prequel trilogy, so this film gets zero points there.
- Luke is a great character, mishandled badly, and yet our nostalgia for him is what preserves him in the end.
- The throne room had a neat aesthetic. If only I hadn't seen it... Twice? Three times before now?
- A lightsaber fight in a throne room while the rebels are being picked off as their fleet is destroyed? Never seen that before.
- Desperate final stand against a bunch of AT-AT walkers with shitty craft that ultimately can't do the job? That is the most original idea I've ever seen!
So in essence: This film is a bad Star Wars film. It is completely devoid of character consequences, and so forth.
But do I think this is the worst film ever?
No. Not by a longshot. This film has good qualities.
- The production value is top notch.
- They did try new things. It's a shame none of it worked and was reneged on almost immediately, but they tried.
- The porgs are fucking adorable and I will fight you IRL if you think they aren't.
- It's well acted. The actors are top notch in the roles. Especially Kylo Ren and Poe--holy shit no matter how dumb they are I actually enjoy watching their scenes just for the acting!
- The special effects are beautiful.
- The locations, as always, are visually interesting and a treat to behold.
- Outside of the casino scene being a slog, the rest of the film is well paced.
This also isn't the worst Star Wars movie, because nothing will be worse than the Holiday Special. Nothing. Ever.
If you enjoy mindless and entertaining laser swords and explosions, this movie is for you.
If you enjoy thinking about things for more than five minutes, this is... Probably not.
Also the porgs are fucking cute. Bye.
PS: I forgot Captain Phasma was a thing already. Glad the writers took care of that for me so I don't have to remember for the third film. Thanks, Didneydoshit.
Oh, wait, shit, more questions. Okay.
(Why would Luke ever want to murder anyone lmao)
"Oh okay. I didn't know anything about you, so I don't care. Bye. Wait, does this mean that things might get complex and interesting between Kylo and Rei?! YES."
Yes. Oh god, yes. Snookie was the only one who could hurt her. It took a giant monster face sith lord to finally bring her down, and even he didn't leave a lasting mark on her at all.
Fuck.
Gwazi Magnum
Gray Warden of Winterfell
- The Casino/Hacker plot was useless. The plot never led to anything, it provided minimal development outside of Rose, and the whole "find a hacker" bit could of been resolved far quicker. Scrap Rose, have a skilled hacker already onboard the ship, and focus on developing the hacker. It'd be far less screen time eaten up, and we might of gotten a more interesting character.
- Admiral Holdo is an idiot. She told nothing to her crew, at all about what she was planning to do. She gave them every impression she planned to do nothing but wait for them to die, which caused panic and eventually mutiny. And even when said mutiny happened, she decided it was better to let it happen than to just come clean and explain things... Seriously?
- Poe also wasn't the brightest. The mutiny was reckless, but given Holdo complete lack of ability to communicate anything I can't blame him too badly. But why did he care so much for that Dreadnaught? If the Rebels were at full strength fine, I'd get it. But he literally sacrificed the entire bomber legion over it, leaving the Rebels basically defenceless. Those bombers are way more valuable if **they're the only ones the entirety of the rebel alliance has!**
- Who the hell is Snoke!? Seriously, he got built up as this powerful Dark Lord and then he just... died. And considering Palpatine and Vader were meant to be the last, I'm really curious as to what's going on with him (in the movies, not what a behind the scenes book filled in. Leave books to the extended universe, not to fill in gaps for the movies themselves).
- Luke, the dude who risked his life because he saw goodness in Vader, his abusive genocidal father actually wanted to kill his nephew due to "temptations?". Luke had been "tempted" before, he would never do that.
- Rey continues to have no character flaws and be praised by everyone, no change in her mary sue status here.
- Kylo Ren had an interesting chance to really grow as a character, break the typical Jedi vs Sith dynamic. But threw it away because... reasons. :/
- I appreciate that it tried to criticise the Jedi Order for their faulty reasoning. But that critique goes no where when not long later Rey just praised as being the last Jedi and how the Jedi surviving is such a good thing.
- Leia's force abilities didn't bother me that much actually, the extended universe had a lot of those cases. But if the movie wanted to copy from that they needed to set it up more with the movie audience, not just pull it out of mid-air like it's nothing. Especially considering Disney went out of it's way to make said extended universe not canon.
- Likewise Luke's illusion standoff I actually found pretty cool. But there were some flaws. Mainly how Kylo Ren didn't sense or pick up on it immediately. Not even through the force necessarily, cause look at what lightsaber Luke used for that bit. The blue one. Where did Kylo last see that lightsaber? Being ripped in half by him and Rey. He should of seen that lightsaber and gone "Wait a minute, that ain't real!".
- Rose added nothing at all, and actually took away from the movie in how she sabotaged Finn's attempt to save the Rebels. With the most idioticly and dangerous method of doing so possible too mind you! Which I'd detail about, but Nilum already tore that one apart well.
- However, what did the AT-AT's not just fire upon the crash site in that long heart to heart? Like seriously? They just did nothing, at all.
- The humour in the movie had some fun moments, but I feel they leaned on it too much. Breaking scene's that otherwise had tense atmosphere to them.
- And one scene where humour could of aided was actually Snoke. Imagine if during that giant rant of going "I sense Kylo's thoughts! I know what he's thinking!" he ended it with "AND I SENSE HIM MESSING WITH THIS LIGHTSABER!" before throwing it aside. Taken the two completely by surprise, establishes Snoke as an actually competent Dark Lord, and if needed he could still end up dying in a stand-off between Rey and Kylo.
- Captain Phasma came back... And left again. Seriously guys, you got BRIENNE OF FUCKING TARTH! USE HER!!!
thedeletedone
Active Member
New Star Wars? Oh boy, you've opened a can of pythons.
OK, lemme rant a bit. Too lazy to use colourful fonts and gifs and images, so I'll keep it simple.
1. The entire "track us through a single ship" thing was fucking... uh... can't use any of those words I'd normally use... uh... politically correct homosexuality? Politically correct reference to a mentally disabled individual? Whatever. Point is, it's disgustingly low-effort as the crucial plot point it is, and really shouldn't work. Plus, we've never seen anything like this in Canon.
2. Leia's resurrection. While cool, it was blatant stealing from Legends. We've never seen Leia's Force abilities before, not even the standard telekinesis, but we do know she's Force-sensitive, and we let it be. And now you let her fly through space, amongst lethal debris and blaster fire, and it gets her fucking revived? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? ARE YOU FUCKING ME?
3. Holdo is a... politically correct character with severe mental disabilities. She could've just told Poe "Listen, start-up. Here's my actual plan, which requires no sacrifices whatsoever, and is bound to get us off the First Order's radar safely for the time being." And Poe would've been "Damn, that's pretty good. Sorry I doubted you, I should call Finn and Rose back now from their stupidly-irresponsible covert mission and we'll escape together!" Then everyone's happy. But noooooooo, because we need some needless conflict, and now...
4. Finn and Rose's needless trip. The whole thing is stupid and pointless, and I had half a mind to kill myself right there in the theatre.
5. Rose. What the actual fuck. She is the exact opposite of what we needed. What. The. Fuck. She's stupid, useless, completely devoid of character and growth, and almost messes up 90% of Finn's plans. Excellent, Disney. You fucked up so hard.
6. The only reason for them to be apprehended in the tracker room was so the rebel transports could be blown up one by one. They could've skipped that and went straight to the FO carpet-scanning the planets and seeing the abandoned rebel base, then go from there to form an ACTUAL EXCITING BATTLE. But nope.
7. Haven't occurred to me until after I read the guys above me - Rey's a Mary Sue. 'Nuff said.
8. Snoke dies like a lil' bitch. 'Nuff said.
9. Captain Phasma dies like a lil' bitch. 'Nuff said.
10. The porgs, while adorable, adds nothing to the franchise except for marketing and selling toys and plushies.
11. Luke Skywalker, Grandmaster Skywalker, is stupid enough to try and kill Ben Solo. He should've known better than to ignite the dark side in him.
12. Rey's sudden monologue. Sure, we see that she's talking to Kylo later, but it was too sudden and too immersion-breaking.
13. Kylo's stupidity. He can't sense Luke being a Force-apparition? He can't tell that the lightsaber was already broken?
14. The movie is basically remaking the original trilogy. VII was a near-complete remake of IV, and VIII steals from both V and VI. IX is going to either be a giant-fuckup, or the best Star Wars movie to date.
15. Me for actually believing in an old, dying, fractured franchise whose only goal is money-making, and not innovation, not appealing to a new generation of fans, not improvement, just... money. That's all there is to is, and all there ever was since the prequels. I just didn't see it as clearly as I see it now. And I paid dearly for that mistake ($38.97 CAD in total).
OK, lemme rant a bit. Too lazy to use colourful fonts and gifs and images, so I'll keep it simple.
1. The entire "track us through a single ship" thing was fucking... uh... can't use any of those words I'd normally use... uh... politically correct homosexuality? Politically correct reference to a mentally disabled individual? Whatever. Point is, it's disgustingly low-effort as the crucial plot point it is, and really shouldn't work. Plus, we've never seen anything like this in Canon.
2. Leia's resurrection. While cool, it was blatant stealing from Legends. We've never seen Leia's Force abilities before, not even the standard telekinesis, but we do know she's Force-sensitive, and we let it be. And now you let her fly through space, amongst lethal debris and blaster fire, and it gets her fucking revived? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? ARE YOU FUCKING ME?
3. Holdo is a... politically correct character with severe mental disabilities. She could've just told Poe "Listen, start-up. Here's my actual plan, which requires no sacrifices whatsoever, and is bound to get us off the First Order's radar safely for the time being." And Poe would've been "Damn, that's pretty good. Sorry I doubted you, I should call Finn and Rose back now from their stupidly-irresponsible covert mission and we'll escape together!" Then everyone's happy. But noooooooo, because we need some needless conflict, and now...
4. Finn and Rose's needless trip. The whole thing is stupid and pointless, and I had half a mind to kill myself right there in the theatre.
5. Rose. What the actual fuck. She is the exact opposite of what we needed. What. The. Fuck. She's stupid, useless, completely devoid of character and growth, and almost messes up 90% of Finn's plans. Excellent, Disney. You fucked up so hard.
6. The only reason for them to be apprehended in the tracker room was so the rebel transports could be blown up one by one. They could've skipped that and went straight to the FO carpet-scanning the planets and seeing the abandoned rebel base, then go from there to form an ACTUAL EXCITING BATTLE. But nope.
7. Haven't occurred to me until after I read the guys above me - Rey's a Mary Sue. 'Nuff said.
8. Snoke dies like a lil' bitch. 'Nuff said.
9. Captain Phasma dies like a lil' bitch. 'Nuff said.
10. The porgs, while adorable, adds nothing to the franchise except for marketing and selling toys and plushies.
11. Luke Skywalker, Grandmaster Skywalker, is stupid enough to try and kill Ben Solo. He should've known better than to ignite the dark side in him.
12. Rey's sudden monologue. Sure, we see that she's talking to Kylo later, but it was too sudden and too immersion-breaking.
13. Kylo's stupidity. He can't sense Luke being a Force-apparition? He can't tell that the lightsaber was already broken?
14. The movie is basically remaking the original trilogy. VII was a near-complete remake of IV, and VIII steals from both V and VI. IX is going to either be a giant-fuckup, or the best Star Wars movie to date.
15. Me for actually believing in an old, dying, fractured franchise whose only goal is money-making, and not innovation, not appealing to a new generation of fans, not improvement, just... money. That's all there is to is, and all there ever was since the prequels. I just didn't see it as clearly as I see it now. And I paid dearly for that mistake ($38.97 CAD in total).
