Note: This is loosely related to the Intertwined story arc. (AKA: Jujuverse OCs, i dont have a proper name for this yet) I haven't decided if this would be a one-off or not.
A goal and idealistic notion. That was what I was told. What I told myself. Everything will be okay. There was no need to worry. They would handle it, piece by piece. It was not my place to handle such a goal.
I was only to observe.
That was my role. No one else fit the role other than me. I was told that and nothing else. Nothing proved to be worth viewing, but I observed solely because that was my purpose. Despite this role of mine, I could only hold onto so many observations by myself. I only knew what I was told, what I observed, and what I chose to remember. Nothing else held meaning to me. It was what they intended for me, that I only observe.
I did not know myself.
Observation was to see the world go on. Acting was not my role, nor was forming opinion. There was no value in expressing my personal thoughts to what I observed. It was not my given purpose, and no personal thoughts grew from my consciousness. There was no point in anything that was not pure observation.
I cared for nothing more than to observe.
... isn't that right?
I have an unconscious need to convince myself this, but that girl in blue told me otherwise. It was a chance meeting, and I could not care less for the intrusion of that young girl. I know I must not stray from my role as the observer, but her words stuck in my head.
"You may observe as much as you can, but I'm afraid there won't be anything to observe if things continue as they are."
No. That goes against my role. I must observe, but what is the point of it all if it is only nothing? Is she saying that I must do what is not assigned to me as a role? No. She isn't them. She is not supposed to be interacting with an observer like me. That can't be right.
I couldn't observe without distraction since that girl spoke to me like that.
An overwhelming anxiety buried me. My role was to only observe, but I now felt all sorts of feelings and emotions. An abstract connection to what I saw. I never made contact with these observations, but my heart tugged and beat as if I was there. The connection that I would some day be unable to observe anything at all, it riled up a prominent feeling.
I was afraid of losing my purpose and role.
If that were to go, who would I even be? Who am I? I could not be an observer if there was nothing to observe. My fears continued to rise as I witnessed tragedy after tragedy. Signs that the stability of observable events were declining and fading away fast. Maybe the purpose of my role was already lost and I haven't realized it.
I questioned what was even the point of lying to myself.
The only thing I could not throw out of my mind was those words. The words forewarning the single collective demise of observations. Just about every single observation after that meeting with the girl in blue has proved her point further. So what was I even doing anymore?
I couldn't take it anymore.
No more no more no more. I didn't want to see the end of it all. I didn't want this all to stop. I didn't want to lose the very thing that gave me a purpose. But could I even do anything else? Never had I stepped out of this place since I was told to observe. I had no knowledge other than to observe.
I reached up to the side of my head.
Only now I was able to feel a weight protruding from the back of what was my head. An unknown object. I've never seen it in my life, nor did I ever know that it existed on me. Yet, I wanted to take it off. Why? Why did I want to do that?
I took the object off my head.
Everything started to mesh together haphazardly. Up and down. Left and right. Meaning and filler. Truth and lies. It was hard to breathe under it all, but I wanted this. There was no meaning in this mess, but I wanted this. The observation role was forever lost, but I wanted this. Maybe that girl in blue was trying to sway me out of this bubble, because I wanted this.
I don't even know why I was made an observer, yet I wanted this.
Again, I wanted this chance to-
A goal and idealistic notion. That was what I was told. What I told myself. Everything will be-
Again, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted this, but why can't I return to my role of-
A grave and idiotic notion. That was what I told myself. What she told me. Everything won't be-
Again, I don't even know why I was made an observer, yet I-
Regret ever so excruciatingly terrible. That's why I wanted this chance to change.
A goal and idealistic notion. That was what I was told. What I told myself. Everything will be okay. There was no need to worry. They would handle it, piece by piece. It was not my place to handle such a goal.
I was only to observe.
That was my role. No one else fit the role other than me. I was told that and nothing else. Nothing proved to be worth viewing, but I observed solely because that was my purpose. Despite this role of mine, I could only hold onto so many observations by myself. I only knew what I was told, what I observed, and what I chose to remember. Nothing else held meaning to me. It was what they intended for me, that I only observe.
I did not know myself.
Observation was to see the world go on. Acting was not my role, nor was forming opinion. There was no value in expressing my personal thoughts to what I observed. It was not my given purpose, and no personal thoughts grew from my consciousness. There was no point in anything that was not pure observation.
I cared for nothing more than to observe.
... isn't that right?
I have an unconscious need to convince myself this, but that girl in blue told me otherwise. It was a chance meeting, and I could not care less for the intrusion of that young girl. I know I must not stray from my role as the observer, but her words stuck in my head.
"You may observe as much as you can, but I'm afraid there won't be anything to observe if things continue as they are."
No. That goes against my role. I must observe, but what is the point of it all if it is only nothing? Is she saying that I must do what is not assigned to me as a role? No. She isn't them. She is not supposed to be interacting with an observer like me. That can't be right.
I couldn't observe without distraction since that girl spoke to me like that.
An overwhelming anxiety buried me. My role was to only observe, but I now felt all sorts of feelings and emotions. An abstract connection to what I saw. I never made contact with these observations, but my heart tugged and beat as if I was there. The connection that I would some day be unable to observe anything at all, it riled up a prominent feeling.
I was afraid of losing my purpose and role.
If that were to go, who would I even be? Who am I? I could not be an observer if there was nothing to observe. My fears continued to rise as I witnessed tragedy after tragedy. Signs that the stability of observable events were declining and fading away fast. Maybe the purpose of my role was already lost and I haven't realized it.
I questioned what was even the point of lying to myself.
The only thing I could not throw out of my mind was those words. The words forewarning the single collective demise of observations. Just about every single observation after that meeting with the girl in blue has proved her point further. So what was I even doing anymore?
I couldn't take it anymore.
No more no more no more. I didn't want to see the end of it all. I didn't want this all to stop. I didn't want to lose the very thing that gave me a purpose. But could I even do anything else? Never had I stepped out of this place since I was told to observe. I had no knowledge other than to observe.
I reached up to the side of my head.
Only now I was able to feel a weight protruding from the back of what was my head. An unknown object. I've never seen it in my life, nor did I ever know that it existed on me. Yet, I wanted to take it off. Why? Why did I want to do that?
I took the object off my head.
Everything started to mesh together haphazardly. Up and down. Left and right. Meaning and filler. Truth and lies. It was hard to breathe under it all, but I wanted this. There was no meaning in this mess, but I wanted this. The observation role was forever lost, but I wanted this. Maybe that girl in blue was trying to sway me out of this bubble, because I wanted this.
I don't even know why I was made an observer, yet I wanted this.
Again, I wanted this chance to-
A goal and idealistic notion. That was what I was told. What I told myself. Everything will be-
Again, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted this, but why can't I return to my role of-
A grave and idiotic notion. That was what I told myself. What she told me. Everything won't be-
Again, I don't even know why I was made an observer, yet I-
Regret ever so excruciatingly terrible. That's why I wanted this chance to change.