The Magician and the Princess (fanfic for a friend)

Blacksmith

Tonight, we hunt Outsiders!
It was once said that darkness and cold went well together. But until that particular birth, nobody took into consideration the marriage of ice and sunlight. When the sun crept over the mountains, its light caressed the icicles and created a rainbow plethora of coloration. It turned a snowfield into a sea of blinding white and in circumstances where heat and cold would never have met, there you would find her dancing.

Princess Ilona, born of snow and winter air and sunlight dancing through the skies. As pretty as her mother, with the drive and enthusiasm of her father. Alone in a palace of ice, she lived and her dance as she woke up would have made the daughters of the rainbow bow their head in shame. But this is a fable and so, in that fable tradition she was locked away in a palace of crystal ice. It wasn't entirely lonely- For one, she was well protected by her friends and visitors. The Queen of Stormhold, the Star-bright royal and the God of Harvest and Wheat, who appeared in the great form of a She-Wolf. They had known Ilona's mother for some time and upon her death, took it upon themselves to raise her. So much for our princess.

Now let us dear readers, proceed to another place entirely.

Have you ever heard of the four-card monte? Better known as the shell game. Its a staple of hustlers and for these four rascals and rogues, it was perhaps the epitome of their numerous scams. See the gentleman walking down the street of this dirty town, like a blimp puffed with air and decorated with gold and silver. A perfect mark. A pretty girl with the bluest eyes approaches and asks politely for the time. Being a gentleman, he can hardly refuse a lady and removes from his pocket a timepiece of exquisite and expensive taste. Around this point, a well-dressed gentleman in white and a bowler hat cries out that his money pouch is missing. The first reaction of everyone is to check their pockets and so they are assured they are not targets.

Now comes the final part.

If you could watch from a rooftop, you would see a rather exquisite dance of which the partners had no idea they were a part of. If you could slow down time, you might notice the experienced, nimble fingers twitching out and snagging the pouches these people were so kind as to indicate earlier. He is a boy, of undetermined age. His eyes are as blue as the young lady from earlier and he bears a mark, in the shape of the little dipper on his forehead. Hidden only by his hair as he avoids the people. The gentleman with the bowler hails a cap, the horse pulls up and as he gets in, the girl and the boy likewise do so. And off they all go, the driver snickering as mismatched eyes of pink and brown peer out from beneath the brim of her hat.

And so no one discovers the shell and the house once more, Roman Torchwick laughing as Mabel Gleeful grins and crawls up onto his lap, one finger stroking along the con mans cheek.

"Another haul, another fine days work! And the watch into the bargain, that was a clever idea."

"But of course. You know no man alive can resist my charm."

The only one who appears to be less then enthusiastic is Dipper Gleeful, whose eyes now look like a storm as he looks down at the haul. Sensing his mood, Roman glances at his lover and she twitches an eyebrow in response. Roman sighs quietly and speaks.

"Look, lit-Dipper. I know, its been a great haul but its only temporary. We're going to hit it big eventually, minds like us. Its just a matter of time-"

"-Time is not something we have. Time will waste away and slip between our fingers, time will render us all old and twisted before we even get a fraction of what this world owes us. And here you two are, happy over pennies." He sneered and absently flicks a coin in Roman's direction, who looks somewhat worried now. His sister does too, Mabel glancing at Roman before sliding off and returning to his side with a smile.

"Dipper...Brother. Yes, its been a while since we ran away from the circus. From those people before we met Roman and Neo....But we will strike it big. Enough to become lords and ladies and buy whatever title we want."

"All of us-You know how it is. How we've done things, all these years."

"And in those years, have any of us ever struck it big?! No...Sister.....Idiot."

An affronted hey came from Roman's lips automatically, but he grew curious at the intensity in the eyes of Dipper Gleeful as he clenched his fists and spoke.

"If ever we're going to see that mansion? We're going to need something....More. The biggest haul we'll ever need, once and for all."

One should be wary how one says such things. You never know who could hear and it was a million-to-one chance that destiny would take note of these intrepid folk and take an interest.

Unfortunately for Dipper Gleeful's sanity and Roman's hat, million-to-one-chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Elsewhere, in the palace overlooking the grubby town a figure lurks. He reads the reports brought in by a line of clerks in black, like a spider whose lines feed it all the information he needs. Here, every whisper and rumor come to life and present itself to here. A good ruler strives to hear whatever occurs within their kingdom. For this ruler in particular, he feels such rulers lack ambition.

A dark clerk moves in and waits patiently. The ruler finally speaks.

"And?"

"Didn't even make it past the woods sir. Just as you predicted."

"Hmmph. Shame."

He rises and stares out at the city proper below. Its a rather nice view, if you could stomach the place but while it wasn't the most pretty or picturesque city, it was one that worked. It worked because he greased the wheels that allowed it to run and thus one of the day-to-day annoyances could be ticked over. But this latest business....He scoffed.

"What a curious business, don't you think? Here they are, the scions of the city proper. Heir's to rich and powerful families, who all go rushing out as soon as the tale of a princess in a crystal palace is told. Many die, but on the contrary! The story spreads and more flock in droves to die off in turn. Human nature is a curious thing."

"You have often said as much my lord."

The ruler sighed and shook his head sadly.

"Really, something will have to be done about this. I can't have these people all dying by the dozen."

The clerk looked puzzled briefly and the ruler amended his statement.

"Well, I can but their families...Their rich and powerful families, tend to cry out against such things. And then resentment is bred and people who would think nothing of running headlong into death traps suddenly turn that energy into other pursuits. No, we can't have this at all. So as the sword has failed...."

He turned back to his seat and smiled, pressing thin fingers in a temple as he peered at his clerk.

"Perhaps a corkscrew would do the job."

"My lord?"

The ruler shrugged and gave a thin smile.

"I believe its time. Bring out those arrest warrants for Roman Torchwick, Neopolitan and the Gleeful Twins."

He set out at once and the ruler sighed once more. The city, while one he would be content as to see burn despite his post was a responsibility to him and overall, he tolerated most things so long as the city ran. And if in dispatching the grease for those wheels, someone was crushed between the teeth, well....What a shame.

In the silent contemplating of others pain, his smile grew wider.

An hour later, in a quiet inn walked some guards. One of whom aimed and fired a crossbow bolt that snagged Roman's hat off his head and onto the wall.

"HEY!!"

"Roman Torchwick, Neopolitan and Mabel and Dipper Gleeful. You are all under arrest."

As one, all the thieves raised their hands.
 
The Master of the city was a ruler of unusual fortitude and foresight. It was never in question that he was a Tyrant, with a capital T at that- but the real trick was how he managed to remain that way, when everyone of his predecessors died in horrible ways, as the city willed. He ensured that the city was better off with him, then without it and rather then administer a reign of terror, he opted only for the occasional light shower. The city worked, after a fashion and so it was before this dangerous man that Dipper Gleeful would find himself. Face to face with the city's ruler, its absolute Master. He who had taken it, made it strong and unleashed it to seize the jugular of the world.

Kotomine.

Kotomine peered over reports, idly remarking aloud as though to memorize it to himself.
"Oathbreaking....Horse theft. Larceny, pickpocketing, impersonation of religious authorities. Impersonation of secular authorities. And, oh dear me....One, illegal parking of a coach."
Dipper scowled and said sullenly.

"That ticket was wrongfully inflicted. Why should we stand for that sort of thing, we who pay our taxes occasionally?"

"Occasionally?" I was under the impression that you and your sort regarded taxes as something to occur to other people." Kotomine favored Dipper with a thin, welcoming smile. "That gives me hope for your future." Dipper instantly grew wary, his expression blank from years of practice. Kotomine rose from his seat and began to circle Dipper.

"Are you aware of the local craze for heroism, Mr. Gleeful? No? Well, it is here and apparently to stay. Heir's from all the most prominent families, with no idea how the world works and with money to spend, find it in their hearts to throw all their life away, in the hopes of traversing death traps, monsters galore and powerful guardians with naught but a foot of steel and heart for a girl. The world is full of them, but make it unattainable and apparently people will flock to you like pigeons in the park. This has been annoying. Both for myself and the city."

Pausing before the view from the window, Kotomine stared out at a city that worked and that he, ever so often had to grease in order for it to run perfectly. Nobody appreciated a Tyrant's job. All the hard work that went into it, if you wanted to be a Tyrant tomorrow.

"This is where you and your people come in. I require this business over and done....As soon as possible. And seeing how you and your band of thieves are highly skilled in safecracking, I have decided to leave this in your hands."

That got a reaction, Dipper sputtering with wide eyes.

"What?! You want US to break into the Crystal Palace, past all these death traps, monsters galore and powerful guardians to kidnap a princess, just so some inbred fat cats don't leave up the gene pool?"

Kotomine beamed.

"You have a wonderful gift of discernment Mr. Gleeful. You lack only the proper diplomatic vocabulary in which to word it. Yes, indeed."

"And if I refuse?"

Kotomine shrugged.

"Then you will all be drawn, quartered and mashed into bits and your heads saved for the spikes upon the palace walls....I see by your face that understanding dawns."

Dipper considered, scowled....And finally sighed.

"We'll need supplies."

"Of course."

Dipper eyed him carefully, before adding in the tone of someone who thinks they know where the shell has vanished under the cup, but is cautious of being wrong.

"And....I'll need my team. We've always worked together, I trust them over a million swords."

"And you shall have them."

Kotomine went back to his desk and began to write in the paperwork. Dipper just stared. After a moment, Kotomine glanced up in surprise.

"Are you still here? I'm sure you have much to do."

".....Soooo, you see nothing wrong with supplying us for a months journey or more, with all my important people and unleashing us outside the city gates."

"None whatsoever."

Dipper narrowed his eyes, looking at him before finally shrugging.

"Alright. Fine then." He turned to leave and Kotomine's voice stopped him cold in his tracks.

"Your sibling and your partners will all have explosive collars around your necks anyway. Should we wish it, a single whispered word and you all go....Sky high, as it were. In the event you were thinking to make a run for it."

Dipper smiled weakly. "Sir, the thought never crossed my mind."

Kotomine finally looked up, one eyebrow quirked before he smirked.

"In which case, if I were you I'd sue your face for slander."

Dipper smiled and kept his smile, the entire time as he was led away. As soon as he was out of sight, he whimpered and bit down on his knuckle. What a mess. Well, one silver lining. At least his team would understand what he did for them.
------

"YOU. DID. WHAT?!"

"Mabel, honey lets think about this-"

"YOU! SHUT UP! AND YOU TOO!"

Roman and Neo glanced at each other before giving sympathetic looks to Dipper as they winced and stepped back.

As throttling Dipper, with a choker that matched the ones on all of their necks, Mabel shook her brother as she all but roared.

"WHAT KIND OF A MESS DID YOU GET US INTO?! DO WE LOOK LIKE HEROES?!"

"HE-WAS-VERY-PERSUASIVE...MABEL? CAN'T...BREATH."

Mabel let go and huffed out as she crossed her arms. Dipper coughed and rubbed his neck as he sighed.
"Look, I know its going to be tough...Possibly our toughest job yet. But we had no choice and well, I happen to know a lot more that these heroes didn't! Such as...Say, the treasure that awaits."

Interest reared its head and seeing their attention, Dipper smirked.

"The stories say that this treasure is one only the princess can bestow. Its worth is above a mountain of gold, its depth of value deeper then the sea. We'll have access to her, right? Who's better at charm then us? We give the city the girl, to do whatever they want...And we keep the treasure. One haul, no more penny scams. We'll be set for life. No, for fifty lives!"

Roman, Mabel and Neo all gave each other a sideways glance. Dipper sighed as he clenched his fists.
"....Point is, I can't do it without you. Now you all have your choice, so I'm asking you....Will you help me?"
It was Neo who walked over immediately, giving a smile as she patted his shoulder. Roman glanced between the twins before shaking his head as he stepped forward.

"Hey, if Neo is in we might actually have a chance. Beats getting wasted till my head blows off."

Dipper nodded thanks at the support before looking at his sister.

"....Mabel?"

"......Fine. If only because you'll be utterly lost without me."

Dipper grinned and clutching part of his cape, spun and bowed to all three.

"Ladies and gentlemen?"

He raised his eyes and was met with identical expressions of mischief.

"Lets go make trouble."
 
Heroic stories never spoke about the journey in between. Though they had left the city far behind, the mostly urbanites group of ne'er-do-wells despised the countryside. Not a sidewalk cafe in sight, nor the rich bastards that frequented it. Only rain, more rain, mud and for a change of pace...Corn. That solitary corn stalk growing on the side of the road had been the most interesting sight on their journey and they had all stared, before it faded away in the mist. On the second week, Mabel let known her views in a calm, dignified manner.

"FUCK NATURE!"

As usual, Neo said not a word but her frazzled hair and glare spoke the equivalent of shouting in turn, she she stomped in heels to get the coach ready. Mabel was just getting started as Roman twitched and tried to avoid her wrath. 'Coward', thought Dipper as he sipped his coffee, safe and secure inside the coach away from view.

"ITS BEEN TWO FUCKING WEEKS AND NOTHING BUT RAIN! FOG! MUD! WHERE ARE THE ELVEN CIRCLES, THE GYPSY TRAVELERS WITH SWARTHY MEN?! WHERE ARE THE BANDIT TRIBES, WITH THEIR ROGUISH LEADERS?! INSTEAD, WHAT DO WE GET?! COOOOOORN!"

He could watch this all day, he really could. Everything was right with the world as he watched his sisters friend-with-benefits-slash-whatever-they-were reduced to groveling. He sipped his mug.

Unfortunately, Mabel seemed to be calming down as she sighed and shook her head.

"Well, we have coffee at least." Seeing a chance to get back on her good side, Roman leaped to his feet and wheedled. "Yeah! The last cup actually! I was saving it for you!"

Dipper froze in mid-sip, somehow combining sheer elegance with flat out horror. He drank faster, downing the whole mug till even the dregs were gone. With a deep sigh, he lowered his mug and almost leaped out of his skin.

Opposite him, eyes fixed on his mug his sister stared. Slowly, her head tilted upwards to regard him. There was no anger in her eyes, at least none that she displayed before. This was anger distilled, rage that had surged from the hottest fury and compressed into an icy stilettto. She spoke and Dipper wondered why frost hadn't formed on his mug. So. This was what death looked like?

"I smell robusta."

Dipper moved his hand to drop the curtain window, of the impression that it never hurts to try.

The subsequent explosion of power that destroyed the coach soon put that theory to an early grave.

-----

Ilona sighed sadly in her tower of ice, but of a melancholic joy tinged in it. She had finished her newest book, of heroes and princesses in towers, just like her! Certainly it was lonely, but knowing her mother and father had arranged this to ensure the very best made her warm inside.

Even if she did miss them every time she looked out the window as father moved across the skies, and mothers snow whirled across the peaks. She giggled, day-dreaming of her future prince. He would be brave of course-.

"-I WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS! I WILL BECOME AN ONLY CHILD!"

Dipper screamed as behind him, Mabel floated in blue aura of death. Rocks and debris floated in orbit around her as trees cracked and broke aside, as though fearful of her presence.

-Kind too. With the sort of nature that would drive him to befriend all living things. She fell back on her bed, imagining her prince as he presented her with a puppy.

"Move, bitch! Only room for one here!"

Having found a suitable hollow, it's only problem was the litter of beasts within. With the sounds of his psychotic sibling following, he knew what to do. Law of the Jungle was in effect and he chucked out the little beasts for more room.

-and of course, the most important thing becoming of any true hero....He'd be a romantic. She squeezed her book to her chest and smiled brightly.

The future was looking bright.

The future was looking less and less survivable by the second. Up to the point Roman had caught up, grabbed his sibling by the wrist and proceeded to heavily make out. The violent, needy cries made him wrinkle his nose. Disgusting. You'd never catch him doing that sort of thing. Neo stomped over, holding up a fragment of their coach before tossing it aside. Fidgeting under her glare, Dipper sniffed and waved a hand.

"Hmph. It could always be worse."

Thunder rumbled above as the rain began to fall heavily. Dipper sighed at the sudden, synchronized glares.

"I stand corrected."
 
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