kookyGremlin
Member
What would you say is intimdating about it?
Travellers on the Queen's Road
- Thread starter kookyGremlin
- Start date
Cailin
Solivagant
'"Intimidating" isn't really the right word, what I mean is more like obscure.
You have a world, with a complete map and everything, but you haven't really explained why the kingdom went to war in the first place, other than the fact that the empire collapsed. But it doesn't even say why Caymar disintegrated. You describe Tirland as being a safe zone of sorts, but how did it keep itself upright when there's danger on every other corner of the map? You also gave no information on the locations on the map itself, besides what species you may find in them. There's nothing on the cities/towns.
There's more I want to add, but I think you get the idea. I'm having trouble establishing the connections needed between my characters and the setting. What you have is actually rather good, and you do have a map, which is more than most other RPs of this nature. I like the idea of a royal force of double-agents/street performers very much. I just feel like there's nothing holding the story together.
Sorry if I came off as blunt. I just like to get to the bottom of problems so we can begin solving them.
You have a world, with a complete map and everything, but you haven't really explained why the kingdom went to war in the first place, other than the fact that the empire collapsed. But it doesn't even say why Caymar disintegrated. You describe Tirland as being a safe zone of sorts, but how did it keep itself upright when there's danger on every other corner of the map? You also gave no information on the locations on the map itself, besides what species you may find in them. There's nothing on the cities/towns.
There's more I want to add, but I think you get the idea. I'm having trouble establishing the connections needed between my characters and the setting. What you have is actually rather good, and you do have a map, which is more than most other RPs of this nature. I like the idea of a royal force of double-agents/street performers very much. I just feel like there's nothing holding the story together.
Sorry if I came off as blunt. I just like to get to the bottom of problems so we can begin solving them.
Fairner
Active Member
Name: Sarria (Sar) No last name
Race: Fey
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Physical Description: Barely 5 foot, slender and petite. Sharp featured face, framed by white blonde hair. Her eyes are yellow gold and feline like.
Typical attire : Longish tunic over trousers. Typically, she goes barefoot. A silver horse pendant is kept on a leather thong about her neck. Over her shoulder is normally a worn, leather bag, containing basic medicinal, herbs and bandages.
Role in the Troupe: Animal handler and scout.
Skills : Has a way with animals, not magic per say, just one of those people that have a way with them. Great with horses and dogs, cats, not so much.
background notes: Left out on the side of a mountain as a toddler, it's not known who exactly her people were and what happened to them. She was found covered in blood, speculated to be her family's. Raised in a temple and ran away to join a merchant caravan at the age of twelve, been on the road ever since.
Strengths: Sar is loyal and intelligent, she's quiet and unobtrusive but quick of reflex and action if needed.
Weaknesses: her loyalty can blind her to other's faults, once decided on an action, she can be unmovable, even to her own detriment.
Name: Shoeshine (Shoe) or Samual
Race: was a Norlander, now he's a horse
Gender: Male
Age: 22 when he was enchanted into a horse. He hasn't aged past physical peakness in horse years in over a decade, so he figures he's frozen in age.
Physical Description: As a horse - 16hh, palimino (gold with white mane and tail), big white socks and a blaze down his face.
As a human - 6foot5, heavily muscled and regal in bearing.
Typical attire - he's a horse... saddle, bridle, gear, whatever is forced upon him
Role in troupe - pack animal
Skills - Strong beast of burdan
Background - Samual was a wealthy lord, arrogant and haughty. He stepped upon many people to get what he wanted. One day, he insulted a witch. That night, an eerie voice spoke over him. He was cursed into the body of a beast, with the mind of a man, until he learned to treat others with respect and love. A girl would be the key to his lesson and release. Sam awoke as a horse, over many long years, he has searched in vain for a woman to love and who would love him in return, despite his attire as a horse. The drawback? He can't communicate with them, that was until he met Sar, for some reason he can speak telepathically with her. (Sar is not his 'girl')
Strengths: His physical strength and his intelligence
Weaknesses: He's still an arrogant ass and requires much coaxing and bribery to get a job done. He bites, he kicks and still, has not learned the lesson that turned him into a horse, so as a horse he stays for now.
Race: Fey
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Physical Description: Barely 5 foot, slender and petite. Sharp featured face, framed by white blonde hair. Her eyes are yellow gold and feline like.
Typical attire : Longish tunic over trousers. Typically, she goes barefoot. A silver horse pendant is kept on a leather thong about her neck. Over her shoulder is normally a worn, leather bag, containing basic medicinal, herbs and bandages.
Role in the Troupe: Animal handler and scout.
Skills : Has a way with animals, not magic per say, just one of those people that have a way with them. Great with horses and dogs, cats, not so much.
background notes: Left out on the side of a mountain as a toddler, it's not known who exactly her people were and what happened to them. She was found covered in blood, speculated to be her family's. Raised in a temple and ran away to join a merchant caravan at the age of twelve, been on the road ever since.
Strengths: Sar is loyal and intelligent, she's quiet and unobtrusive but quick of reflex and action if needed.
Weaknesses: her loyalty can blind her to other's faults, once decided on an action, she can be unmovable, even to her own detriment.
Name: Shoeshine (Shoe) or Samual
Race: was a Norlander, now he's a horse
Gender: Male
Age: 22 when he was enchanted into a horse. He hasn't aged past physical peakness in horse years in over a decade, so he figures he's frozen in age.
Physical Description: As a horse - 16hh, palimino (gold with white mane and tail), big white socks and a blaze down his face.
As a human - 6foot5, heavily muscled and regal in bearing.
Typical attire - he's a horse... saddle, bridle, gear, whatever is forced upon him
Role in troupe - pack animal
Skills - Strong beast of burdan
Background - Samual was a wealthy lord, arrogant and haughty. He stepped upon many people to get what he wanted. One day, he insulted a witch. That night, an eerie voice spoke over him. He was cursed into the body of a beast, with the mind of a man, until he learned to treat others with respect and love. A girl would be the key to his lesson and release. Sam awoke as a horse, over many long years, he has searched in vain for a woman to love and who would love him in return, despite his attire as a horse. The drawback? He can't communicate with them, that was until he met Sar, for some reason he can speak telepathically with her. (Sar is not his 'girl')
Strengths: His physical strength and his intelligence
Weaknesses: He's still an arrogant ass and requires much coaxing and bribery to get a job done. He bites, he kicks and still, has not learned the lesson that turned him into a horse, so as a horse he stays for now.
kookyGremlin
Member
Interesting.
I have a LOT more information on the setting, but I was not sure how much to put here. I was mainly going for testing the waters of the concept. I can post more if you like, but I aqlso wanted to give you guys to world build a little too and make ir collaborative and not just an autocracy.
I'll format some of my notes into something more legible and post them here.
I have a LOT more information on the setting, but I was not sure how much to put here. I was mainly going for testing the waters of the concept. I can post more if you like, but I aqlso wanted to give you guys to world build a little too and make ir collaborative and not just an autocracy.
I'll format some of my notes into something more legible and post them here.
kookyGremlin
Member
Not at all, this is my first time doing sdomething like this, so its all a learning curve. I am more used to tabletop RPGs
Spheryn
Her Elfiness
Name: Ahrylia
Race: Very distantly Fey; commonly mistaken for a Tirlander.
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Physical Description: Tall for her race, she stands at about 5'6''. Slim, but not incredibly so, there is little that would paint her as a Fey with her dark hair and tan skin. Green eyes mark her as slightly different, though it is the delicate points hidden under her hair that remain her largest give-away.
Typical attire: A grey tunic with a knife-belt tied loosely around her waist, with dark breeches and leather boots.
Role in the Troupe: Prestidigitator, and occasional knife thrower.
Skills and specialities: A born thief, Ahrylia has fast fingers and keen eyes, making her good at picking marks from a crowd to dazzle (or steal from) with some slight of hand. Has been picking up card tricks along the way, though it isn't her focus when performing. Can throw knives with startling accuracy, but will grumble if asked to use it in a performance, as it is more of a stress relief for the crafty Fey.
Strengths: Quite charming on stage, Ahrylia takes (maybe too much) pride in her ability to manipulate a crowd with the proper words and right smile. Clever with a wealth of street-wise, she is also quite skilled at getting out of sticky situations.
Weaknesses: Off-stage and with only members of the troupe, she can be quite negative and bitingly sarcastic, and moderately grouchy when things don't go the way she planned. With high self-preservation skills, her loyalty can be somewhat dicey as well- She isn't one to risk life and limb to save someone unless properly motivated, in which case gold would be your best chance. Has a slight ego problem.
Background:
When pressed for a life story, Ahrylia has a hundred different stories on her childhood, each riddled with spectacular events and triumps, and every one of them different than the last. Several in which she is the runaway daughter of a prestigious lord, and others where she is the much beloved of a faraway prince. All very entertaining, and utter lies, though she would never admit such a thing.
Born to a tavern wench that didn't care much for a child and some distant sire, Ahrylia spent most of her youth in the slums of Sulney, learning how to survive. Sixteen years she thieved, panhandled, and tricked other, wealthier people into loosening their purse strings to make sure she had enough to eat, or somewhere to keep warm. Growing cocky as she grew in skill, the teenage thief stole from a visiting dignitary and was spotted near instantly. Not wanting to risk capital punishment (She quite liked all her fingers), she stole away into an Emera caravan, requesting to join when she was inevitably discovered. She found the work to be mostly to her liking, and ten years later sees her an accomplished entertainer with a motley crew of people she would never admit to being fond of.
Race: Very distantly Fey; commonly mistaken for a Tirlander.
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Physical Description: Tall for her race, she stands at about 5'6''. Slim, but not incredibly so, there is little that would paint her as a Fey with her dark hair and tan skin. Green eyes mark her as slightly different, though it is the delicate points hidden under her hair that remain her largest give-away.
Typical attire: A grey tunic with a knife-belt tied loosely around her waist, with dark breeches and leather boots.
Role in the Troupe: Prestidigitator, and occasional knife thrower.
Skills and specialities: A born thief, Ahrylia has fast fingers and keen eyes, making her good at picking marks from a crowd to dazzle (or steal from) with some slight of hand. Has been picking up card tricks along the way, though it isn't her focus when performing. Can throw knives with startling accuracy, but will grumble if asked to use it in a performance, as it is more of a stress relief for the crafty Fey.
Strengths: Quite charming on stage, Ahrylia takes (maybe too much) pride in her ability to manipulate a crowd with the proper words and right smile. Clever with a wealth of street-wise, she is also quite skilled at getting out of sticky situations.
Weaknesses: Off-stage and with only members of the troupe, she can be quite negative and bitingly sarcastic, and moderately grouchy when things don't go the way she planned. With high self-preservation skills, her loyalty can be somewhat dicey as well- She isn't one to risk life and limb to save someone unless properly motivated, in which case gold would be your best chance. Has a slight ego problem.
Background:
When pressed for a life story, Ahrylia has a hundred different stories on her childhood, each riddled with spectacular events and triumps, and every one of them different than the last. Several in which she is the runaway daughter of a prestigious lord, and others where she is the much beloved of a faraway prince. All very entertaining, and utter lies, though she would never admit such a thing.
Born to a tavern wench that didn't care much for a child and some distant sire, Ahrylia spent most of her youth in the slums of Sulney, learning how to survive. Sixteen years she thieved, panhandled, and tricked other, wealthier people into loosening their purse strings to make sure she had enough to eat, or somewhere to keep warm. Growing cocky as she grew in skill, the teenage thief stole from a visiting dignitary and was spotted near instantly. Not wanting to risk capital punishment (She quite liked all her fingers), she stole away into an Emera caravan, requesting to join when she was inevitably discovered. She found the work to be mostly to her liking, and ten years later sees her an accomplished entertainer with a motley crew of people she would never admit to being fond of.
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TheGreenerGrey
Self-proclaimed everything expert.
Name: Brandon Coppermill
Race: Tirlander
Gender: Male
Age: 63
Physical description: Brandon is a man that has been with the troupe a long time, and it shows. His face is one that normal people instantly seem to like, weathered, filled with laugh lines and always wearing a knowing grin, or dishing out advice. Like that one grandpa everyone loves. For a man his age his body is in very good condition, stocky, well toned and with no discernible scars. He is of average height, with fair skin and a snow white beard. His hair is also pure white, being about an inch long, and despite his age it has yet to begin receding.
Attire: Brandon is often dressed in a practical leather jerkin, with a white long sleeved cloth undershirt beneath it. His pants are also made of dark cloth, with just enough room for them to be comfortable. He wears a necklace, with a metal symbol attached that depicts a bleeding eye, although oftentimes this is hidden from sight. When travelling in particularly hot areas he wears a small brimmed cap.
Role in troupe: Brandon's role in the troupe is that of the bartender, or what passes for it. When the Emera put on a show, Brandon is often the one near the back of the crowd, entertaining those who have no interest, or are simply looking to get drunk. But this is only half of Brandon's job. The other half belongs to the hidden side of the troupe. Brandon's other half of the job involves two things, Information and Alchemy. With his friendly demeanour Brandon has an easy time of obtaining information from the alcohol loosened tongues of bar goers, which he can use to discern anything that may be of interest to the troupe. The Alchemical part of this comes in when the troupe needs something done either discreetly or in a fantastical manner. He can create flash fires, blind people, poison others and more.
Strengths:
Brandon is a master of negotiation, as his cheery demeanour can get all but the surliest of people to open up to him, although he has an easier time when they're drunk.
Brandon is also a master of Alchemy, with a constant supply of various exotic or homemade alchemical regents ready for all kinds of jobs.
Weaknesses:
Brandon's time is over, and he is one of the last remaining of his generation, if not THE last, living to the age of 63. This means his body, while fit, is still weakened. He cannot run especially fast, climb very well or lift anything too strenuous due to the danger of his body breaking under the exertion.
Brandon cares strongly about all those in the troupe, and while he never had children of his own, he treats the younger ones in the troupe as if they were his own. This can lead to rash decisions from him when he believes troupe members to be in danger, decisions which could be lethal to him.
Background: Before being relegated to the troupe many years ago, Brandon was a master alchemist that answered directly to the queen during his youth, making up one third of a secret cabal known as 'The Bleeding Eye'. They were the country's top alchemists, and they were put towards the invention of newer and better alchemical recipes for the countries use. However, over time, with more and more master alchemists beginning to pop up the queen decided that youth made up for inexperience, and selected the three brightest of the newest Alchemists to supplant the original trio, despite being inferior. With nowhere to go Brandon turned to the queen and asked her what he was to do now. With a smile the Queen assigned him to the troupe as both bartender and alchemist and that is where he as remained ever since.
Race: Tirlander
Gender: Male
Age: 63
Physical description: Brandon is a man that has been with the troupe a long time, and it shows. His face is one that normal people instantly seem to like, weathered, filled with laugh lines and always wearing a knowing grin, or dishing out advice. Like that one grandpa everyone loves. For a man his age his body is in very good condition, stocky, well toned and with no discernible scars. He is of average height, with fair skin and a snow white beard. His hair is also pure white, being about an inch long, and despite his age it has yet to begin receding.
Attire: Brandon is often dressed in a practical leather jerkin, with a white long sleeved cloth undershirt beneath it. His pants are also made of dark cloth, with just enough room for them to be comfortable. He wears a necklace, with a metal symbol attached that depicts a bleeding eye, although oftentimes this is hidden from sight. When travelling in particularly hot areas he wears a small brimmed cap.
Role in troupe: Brandon's role in the troupe is that of the bartender, or what passes for it. When the Emera put on a show, Brandon is often the one near the back of the crowd, entertaining those who have no interest, or are simply looking to get drunk. But this is only half of Brandon's job. The other half belongs to the hidden side of the troupe. Brandon's other half of the job involves two things, Information and Alchemy. With his friendly demeanour Brandon has an easy time of obtaining information from the alcohol loosened tongues of bar goers, which he can use to discern anything that may be of interest to the troupe. The Alchemical part of this comes in when the troupe needs something done either discreetly or in a fantastical manner. He can create flash fires, blind people, poison others and more.
Strengths:
Brandon is a master of negotiation, as his cheery demeanour can get all but the surliest of people to open up to him, although he has an easier time when they're drunk.
Brandon is also a master of Alchemy, with a constant supply of various exotic or homemade alchemical regents ready for all kinds of jobs.
Weaknesses:
Brandon's time is over, and he is one of the last remaining of his generation, if not THE last, living to the age of 63. This means his body, while fit, is still weakened. He cannot run especially fast, climb very well or lift anything too strenuous due to the danger of his body breaking under the exertion.
Brandon cares strongly about all those in the troupe, and while he never had children of his own, he treats the younger ones in the troupe as if they were his own. This can lead to rash decisions from him when he believes troupe members to be in danger, decisions which could be lethal to him.
Background: Before being relegated to the troupe many years ago, Brandon was a master alchemist that answered directly to the queen during his youth, making up one third of a secret cabal known as 'The Bleeding Eye'. They were the country's top alchemists, and they were put towards the invention of newer and better alchemical recipes for the countries use. However, over time, with more and more master alchemists beginning to pop up the queen decided that youth made up for inexperience, and selected the three brightest of the newest Alchemists to supplant the original trio, despite being inferior. With nowhere to go Brandon turned to the queen and asked her what he was to do now. With a smile the Queen assigned him to the troupe as both bartender and alchemist and that is where he as remained ever since.