Ash Willaims
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"...found in the sporting department. Shop S-mart, shop S-Smart!" The S-Mart employ let out a short chuckle. Ash Williams loved his job; the housewares departments wasliek a second home to him. Being able to wake up every morning and see all those smiling faces, all those customers who had chosen the great deals of S-mart over all her competitors; its was a dream come true. His energetic sales pitch had gathered quite a crowd around the sporting department, with half the store's, no, the mall's population swarming Ash's post, starry eyed and bewildered.
But something was bothering the Employee. Something serious. He usually enjoyed being watched as he worked; it was a great time to tell his customers stories; no matter how many times his bosses told him that telling shoppers about his "antics" was putting them off their shopping, Ash knew the tales of his weeks in the past were only gaining his beloved store publicity. Yet, something was holding Ash back, and he knew exactly what it was; Lynda. To think it was over a year ago now that Williams and his friends had broken into that old cabin. Over a year since he had awaken the dead with his mistake. Over a year since his own hand had betrayed him and tried to slit his own through, forcing him to hack it of with a chainsaw. Over a year since every single one of his friends either died or fell under the possession of the Deadites. Over a year since he had killed his girlfriend, Lynda. He had, of course, moved on rather quickly; there was still a long dead girl from 1300ad swooning over him, and that was something very few people could say. But regardless, S-Mart wasn't the same without her.
Despite his deep thinking, Ash maintained his smooth talking facade.
"Alright everybody, continue your shop, but remember, if you ever need me, I'll be waiting down at the housewares department; shop S-Mart, shop S-Smart everybody!" Within moments of his dismissal, shoppers returned to their everyday business. Ash watched as his subject went their seperate ways.
He really was the King of S-Mart.
He heard footsteps behind him, and pivoted instantly towards them. Ash knew that there were only two types of people who walked up behind him while he was working; beautiful women who couldn't get enough of his stories, and daemons. With the sports department guns to his left, and the jewlery and gardening departments to his right, he was prepared for either. He had developed a great opening line for either scenario too.
"Hello Ma'am, how can I be of .... Oh"
******
Jonny
"Oh, Ash, You So Fahnee"
Translated from Jonny talk -Oh, Ahsley, your are a funny man
Jonny let out a prolonged, emotionless laugh.
"I'm nawt a gurel Ash, don't be readicoolaarse!"
Translated from Jonny Talk- I'm not a girl, don't be ridiculous
His "laughing" continued, damaging the hearing of everyone who had the misfortune of hearing it. Jonny had been harassing Ash for a long time now, ever since he left "beautiful San Fransisco", mainly due to the fact that Mr.Williams was the only person in town who listen to Jonny's many, many problem.
"Yay see, the weel weeson I'm here is becorse of Leesa; she tried to chall me agin!"
Translated from Jonny talk- the real reason I am here is because of Lisa; she tried to call me again
At an instant Jonny mood completely flipped. The whole reason he left "beautiful San Fransisco" was because of how badly his fiancé had manipulated him. She was tearing him apart;he couldn't take it anymore! Now, she expected him to come back to her like some trained bird!
Cheep Cheep Cheep
"Listen, Jonny, as much as I like helping customers, you need to see a professional about this kinda stuff"
"Pfft! Awsh, stawp being a Psychiatreest!"
Translated from Jonny speak- pfft! Ash, stop being a psychiatrist!
Jonny hated being analysed; Ash was betraying him.
"Uh, you betwaaay me Awsh, er'ry wan betwaaay me Awsh!"
Translated form Jonny speak- you have betrayed me, Ashley; everyone betrays me, Ash!
****
All of a sudden a strange force gripped Ash. First of all, it was like a pinching sensation, right down his spine. The pain swiftly grew to the level of a needle, then a knife, then an axe. Ash had felt serious paid before(such as the time he removed his own hand), but none as severe as this; it was hellish. Within moments, he was on the floor, the room spinning around him, his stomach turning. He closed his eyes to stop the blurring. He blacked out.
He awoke in a strange room, with a strange hissing attacking his ears, a hissing akin to that of a kettle or a steam iron. He was laying on a red carpet, surrounded by people, just as disorientated. Ash surveyed his body of injuries, finding none, not even a scratch on his back, despite his pain. Now something was really wrong.
There was only one explanation; Deadites and Demons. They had taken him out of his confront zone to mess with him; they'll probably want him to participate in some sick game sooner or later. But Ash wasn't one for playing by the rules. He had been taken out of one comfort zone and into another.
He muttered under his breath
"Hail to the king, baby"
With no guns and now left hand, he knew he would only have his wit to guid him through this ordeal. Anyone around him could be possessed; they would kill him sooner or later, so there was no point prolonging his life for a few moments of silence. He jumped to his feet and yelled.
"All right your primitive screw heads, listen up!"
****
Unknown to the S-Mart employee Demon hunter, Jonny lay whimpering across the room, muttering about his "betrayal", not even noticing the change in scenery.
