How Green Becomes Wood

Dark swallowed, letting go of Daizi with one hand so he could wipe his face, “Could we even afford that?”

“Of course we could,” Daizi told him with the utmost confidence, “It might be a little tighter, but I’ve always out-earned you. And… If it does this much harm to you…” She swallowed, stroking his hair, “Darling, I don’t want to not have your salary because you aren’t here to work. I’d much rather have you quit, and be happy. We can handle the rest.”

“You would not grow to resent me?”

“Resent you?” She cupped his cheek in her hand, “Why on earth would I ever resent you?”

He leaned into her touch, and the love she was showing him nearly pushed him into crying all over again, for the weight he had been carrying, “It is just… some I have read about. The working spouse grows frustrated with the spouse who stays at home, because they are not…”

A small, sad little smile flicked over Daizi’s face, “Goose. Babe. I’ve been at home with Ivy this whole time. I know how it is, and… Honestly… I’m so tired, because I’m just alone all the time. If you quit, if you stayed at home with her, then while I’m still working remotely… I would feel so much happier, too. And then, when I go back to the office, I’d know that our daughter is with her father, who will love her and care for her better than anyone else in the world. I could never resent you for that. I promise.”

This was too much for him to hear, and he allowed himself to be pulled back into her embrace, although he still found enough strength to talk, “What about the twins?”

“What about them?”

“I do not want them to feel like I am abandoning them, or like I am choosing Ivy over them..’

“Our boys want you happy just as much as I do,” Daizi replied, rocking him gently, “Or, almost as much. I don’t think anyone… But even if you aren’t at their school anymore, you’ll be at home, waiting for them. That’s what it’s like for most parents. That’s what it’s like for me. Or, what it was like. They’ll understand.”

“What if—”

In this one instance, she cut him off, “Dark, my husband, if they have any issue with you leaving a job that makes you feel like this then… All you can do is remember they are teenagers, and their brains aren’t fully developed. They’ll adjust. Don’t destroy yourself out of fear of what may happen. All four of us need you here.”

Dark took a breath, desperately wanting to believe her, but something still weighed heavily on his mind. Pulling away from her embrace, he continued, “What if it happens again? What if someone shows up to the school and I am not there? You cannot say it would not happen, because it has already happened once. If he is let out on parole, and comes back, and I am not there, then what will happen?”

“I don’t think he will come back even if he is released,” Daizi said, stroking his beard with her hand, “but, darling, they only have two more years of high school. What will you do when they graduate? You will never be with them everywhere, and you won’t be with them anywhere if you force yourself to keep working in a place that is crushing you. Goose, what happened was horrible, but don’t use it to justify staying.”

“But what if—”

“You can ask a million what-ifs. But what matters if you were there. And you saved them. Now,” She rocked back up onto her knees so she could kiss the top of his head and pull him back in close, “Now you get to be selfish. It’s your turn. Save yourself, this time.”
 
Xander bit the edge of his finger as he listened. He'd noticed Dark wasn't exactly himself, but he'd never once guessed it was this bad. Not once. How could he be so blind? No, he wasn't that blind, he was just... not as observant, and Dark was a closed book when he wanted to be. He still should have known. He had no idea what he would have done with that knowledge, but he should have known. And now Dark was stuck in a job that was slowly killing him in part because he wanted to protect them. That felt... weirdly good, but it had to stop. It had to. Dark had pushed Xander and Alec to better themselves, to dare to reach for their dreams and aspirations. Daizi was right. It was time - past time - for Dark to do the same for himself as he told his kids to do.

His mind drifted from the problems to be solved as he watched Dark and Daizi below him. They were together, holding each other up, constantly trying to put the other before themselves. Dark had a real problem, but instead of expecting him to "man up" and fix it himself, Daizi was standing next to him helping him to solve it. When Daizi had a problem, she didn't expect Dark to drop everything and solve it for her, but he did try to be there for her as much as he could to support her even when she didn't ask. They were helping each other through life. Fixing the problem together. They weren't fighting about it or blaming or anything. They saw a problem and they faced it together. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ever seen any pair do that. It was... so strange to see. Strange, yet alluring.
 
“I…”

“At least think about it,” She told him, lowering herself back onto her heels and slowly adjusting their position until he was lying on her and they could both stretch out their legs so neither of them would be stiff or uncomfortable, “and if you can’t do that, do it for Ivy. Because she won’t remember you, and she deserves to know her Baba. And do it for your twins, who already lost one parent. And do it for me,” She rubbed his back and rested her cheek against his hair, “because I love you most of all, and I can’t raise our children without you. But I want you to choose yourself. I want you to choose your own happiness. Because, Goose, you are a good, loving, mysterious, indescribably wonderful man. And you have survived so much, and you carry so much grief. Too much grief. And if anybody deserves to be happy, it’s you. I know you don’t believe that, but I feel it in every ounce of me. So you rest tonight, my love, and think it about, and I’ll be here. I know you’re lost, but I’m going to find you.”

A shuddering breath shook him, but he was able to lose his eyes and settle in, giving himself over entirely. Her deft hands tenderly stroked his hair and back, and she was warm, and she smelled like incense and spice. With her, he was able to breathe deeply, even though he hurt to his core. “I love you, Spider.”

“I love you too, Goose.”
 
Sensing the conversation was coming to an end, Xander cautiously stood and made his way silently back up the stairs. He definitely did not want to be caught after having listened in on that conversation! He went back to his room and laid back down, but he didn't sleep, turning what he'd seen over in his mind.
 
There was nothing else for them to say that night, and, truly miraculously, Dark fell asleep on the couch, holding tight to his wife with his head on her chest. Daizi, however, didn’t sleep at all. He wasn't cured, but it was out, now. And that alone made it feel lighter, and safe in the loving embrace of his wife, he slept soundly. She could have, probably, but it was her turn to sit guard. It was her turn, so she sat awake, holding him closely, so she knew nothing could possibly reach him. It was her turn.
 
Alec woke the next morning feeling fuzzy-headed and uncertain. He looked around to orient himself and found Xander lying next to him, already awake. It was earlier than their normal morning, but not ridiculously early. Xander saw he was awake and gave him a little hug. Alec hugged him back before getting up. Their pair dressed and went downstairs to find Dark and Daizi laying on the couch. Xander was less surprised than Alec but pretended to be so.
 
Sometime during the night, Daizi had managed to grab one of the few little throw blankets they had around and pull it over the pair of them, and by the time the twins came down, she was awake and lightly running her fingers through the hair of her still-sleeping husband. He needed the rest, and more than anything she was glad he was getting it. She guessed it was nearing the time Ivy would wake, and it made her a bit nervous, because she wasn't totally certain she'd be able to successfully get out from underneath him without waking him when the baby monitor went off.

Hearing footsteps, though, she turned her head slightly and said in a quiet voice, "Good morning."
 
"Good morning," Alec mumbled. He walked over and knelt by the couch, careful not to wake Dark. "I had the worst nightmare about Ba."

Xander checked to make sure everything was okay in the living room before retreating to the kitchen. Somebody had to get breakfast together..
 
"I have a lot of nightmares about him," Daizi replied, shifting her position slightly, feeling a bit stiff from spending a few hours with her roughly 215 pound, 6'8 husband lying on top of her, although with the exception of Ivy, there was nothing anybody could say which would prevent her from moving from that spot, "What happened in it?"
 
"He died and it was awful," Alec said simply. "Dax was there, too, of course. But he's not, Ba is, and all's well in the daylight." He yawned before asking, "Why are you on the couch? It doesn't look comfortable."
 
Daizi smiled a bit sadly, rubbing the back of Dark's neck, "I've had many dreams like that, too. Thankfully, they're just dreams, and we don't need to worry about them when we're actually living. And we just accidentally fell asleep down here last night, and he sleeps more deeply than I do, when he does sleep, so this is where we ended up. I didn't want to move him."
 
"Looks squishy," Alec said with a little smile. He leaned against the couch and watched Dark and Daizi sleep.

Xander poked his head back into the living room. "Mama, want eggs? Should I make something for Ba?"
 
"It is a bit," Daizi laughed, "I'm going to have to move him when Ivy wakes up so I can get her. I'm just glad he's getting the sleep he needs. Xander, I would love eggs. With him, I'd say we should probably wait until he's awake to prepare food. Nobody likes cold eggs."
 
"Alright, I'll hold off on his breakfast," Xander agreed and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"Do you think you can get up without waking him? Maybe if I help?" Alec offered.
 
"Maybe. We just need a suitable pillow for his head, I think." It as sort of flattering he found her chest comfortable enough to sleep this deeply, but that wasn't something to share, "He's sort of like a heated electric blanket. But if we kind of push him up, I may be able to roll out from underneath him."
 
"I'll get a better pillow," Alec said. He hurried upstairs and fetched a pillow from his bed, bringing it back down to prepare for the swap. "Here we are, and I'll help push him up."
 
As gentle as they tried to be, being moved around was enough to slightly wake Dark, and he stirred with bleary eyes, propping himself up on his elbows as he slowly opened his puffy eyes. And the first thing he saw was his wife's face. Everything came back from the night before came back to his mind, but there was Daizi, and even though he was dehydrated to the extent he felt almost hungover, he smiled a goofy smile and murmured to her, "sabah alkhayr."

"Sabah an-noor," She replied before he kissed her, and then scooched herself from underneath him, "Go back to sleep, Habibi. You need it."
 
Alec bit back a smile at Dark's goofy expression and quickly slipped the pillow under Dark's head before pulling the blanket up over him more. He crept back, not wanting to detract from Dark and Daizi's moment. Dark could sleep in peace here.
 
Daizi sat on the floor beside him as she more or less forced Dark to lay back down, and he allowed her to, although he ran one hand through her hair, just taking a few moments to look at her before shutting his tired eyes again. Their conversation the night before made him feel better, but it had also drained him, and safe in the knowledge that he was loved let him fall back asleep.

After spending a few moments on the floor, Daizi stood and stretched deeply, "I should have maybe send him to our bed, we're getting too old to sleep on the couch. But this is better." God, she adored him. It just made her heart swell to listen to him breathe so deeply like that, especially after such a long and difficult night. Even though Alec had already adjusted the blanket, she fixed it too, lingering for a moment with her hand on his shoulder. She might have decided to sit right back down with him, but then Ivy started fussing on the baby monitor, so she went to fetch her.
 
"Breakfast will be ready when you are," Xander told her. He worked a little slower so that everything would be warm and fresh when Daizi came back down. No reason for her to have cold eggs, either.

Alec sat pulling his fingers through his short hair, lost in thought. Maybe he'd dye his hair. Some people already thought he dyed it, but which color?
 
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