lemonyhell
- "Im not okay"
Often times Moshi would regret her existence only to find that she's never getting out of it as long as she's scared of dying. She didn't know why she was this way or how it got so bad. You know how people say that negative words have no meaning unless you give them meaning? For her it went the same way with positive words. She thought when people were telling her "Good Job!" or "You're amazing!" that they were lying to her just because they thought she couldn't handle the truth. She felt like everyone was lying to her. Soon, she began lying to herself. She beat herself up on how she has no right to be sad or upset. She lived in a household that loved her, two parents who cared, siblings, a family. She also grew up with a nagging feeling that she didn't deserve any of that. She wasn't worth it.
"I'm not worth it"
The thought that crossed her mind every time she woke up. She wasn't worth it, and the thought swallowed her whole.
Moshi blinks and remembers she has a job and that she needs to be working. Thankfully no one was waiting in line to get a shitty coffee. If she had a penny for every teenager that came into her cafe with the dying need to get a Espresso or some special Latte she would be rich enough to get out of this hell hole of a town. She tries to to look alive like her co-workers advised but today she was drained and had no interest in faking a smile. Moshi takes in a deep breath, it's only 8:30 in the morning and she honestly already wanted to curl up in a ball and continue to weep in her closet room. Often time Moshi imagined the thought of someone she could somewhat tollerate but no one was appealing. No one. Male or female, she'd take anyone that would at least make her laugh for real. To make heart beat for real. The only cliche she wished would just happen. Just. No. She quickly takes the thought and crams it in the deepest darkest corner of her mind.... That she visited almost daily. One of her co-workers asked if she wanted a break but Moshi reject and continues to stand. She feels a little sick, but that's not gonna stop her. She mumbles, "Morning sickness, gross."
"I'm not worth it"
The thought that crossed her mind every time she woke up. She wasn't worth it, and the thought swallowed her whole.
Moshi blinks and remembers she has a job and that she needs to be working. Thankfully no one was waiting in line to get a shitty coffee. If she had a penny for every teenager that came into her cafe with the dying need to get a Espresso or some special Latte she would be rich enough to get out of this hell hole of a town. She tries to to look alive like her co-workers advised but today she was drained and had no interest in faking a smile. Moshi takes in a deep breath, it's only 8:30 in the morning and she honestly already wanted to curl up in a ball and continue to weep in her closet room. Often time Moshi imagined the thought of someone she could somewhat tollerate but no one was appealing. No one. Male or female, she'd take anyone that would at least make her laugh for real. To make heart beat for real. The only cliche she wished would just happen. Just. No. She quickly takes the thought and crams it in the deepest darkest corner of her mind.... That she visited almost daily. One of her co-workers asked if she wanted a break but Moshi reject and continues to stand. She feels a little sick, but that's not gonna stop her. She mumbles, "Morning sickness, gross."