Collab with @Neko Shogun
Why anyone hadn't approached Aqua yet was beyond her comprehension. While she dreaded the thought of someone from the group speaking with her, looking her in the eyes after the terrible things she had done, the keyblade master was more upset by the fact that it had not happened yet. She deserved it. Her hands, the hands of a warrior bent on protecting the innocent, were now stained by their blood. She had ended precious lives, people she had swore she would always protect. Maybe they were afraid of her or maybe they were just too disgusted by her to find words befitting of the foul, heinous person she had become. But either way, they did not come forward, not yet at least.
Aqua was sorely tempted to approach them herself, to cry out to the survivors and garner their attention. I helped kill your friends, she wanted to tell them. I watched them bleed, die, and suffer. Don't you even care? Don't you want to make me suffer like I made them suffer? Not that it mattered. Truthfully, she was already suffering. Right now, Aqua hated herself. The keyblade master couldn't have been more disgusted with herself if she had tried. And she wanted the people from this group to affirm how she was feeling, to tell her that she was lower than dirt. It was something that she deserved to hear, something she wanted to hear.
Thoughts continued to spiral through her head as she remained stationary, her face expressionless, but her eyes flickering with deep, crestfallen emotion. Not only had she let down these people, this group of lost individuals who had only been trying to survive, but she had also let down her master, the man who had raised her. Of his three apprentices, Aqua had always been the responsible one, a young, resolute woman. Master Eraqus had always depended on her, relied on her to watch over a naive Ventus and a muddled Terra. But now, she was just as bad as them--if not worse.
Terra had blood on his hands; he had ended their master. Aqua had blamed it on the darkness in his heart and wished that he had been able to better resist such temptations. What would he say if he could see her now, Aqua wondered. Now, she was just like him. The master had lost herself to darkness, falling victim to Bane's manipulation like a willing puppet on strings she could not free herself from. She was weak and honestly didn't even deserve the title of master anymore. She no longer felt worthy of the keyblade anymore, in fact, and absentmindedly wondered to herself why it had not yet vanished from her side. Why was the weapon still with her, resting in her grasp when it could've sought out someone with less darkness in their heart?
With these dreary thoughts in her mind, Aqua relaxed her fingers, allowing for her keyblade to plummet to the ground beside her. She stepped past it, finally taking a few steps closer to the group.
"Don't any of you have anything to say to me? I've done something horrible, but I'm still standing here alive and well. Any of you have a right tell me how you feel, to yell at me, or even... to punish me. Go ahead," she told them, her voice cold and hard. Inside, she wanted to break down and apologize to them, to even shed tears over her actions, but she strongly desired for them to hate her most of all.
"Oh, you're still here too?"
The abruptly casual tone Aoko took to respond to Aqua's words was jarring. Despite the obvious anguish the Keyblade Master was facing, the redheaded woman took a far more laid-back approach, consistent with how she usually acted during the entire course of the incident. Still clutching her baggage over her shoulder while her other hand rested on her hip, Aoko's casual stance greatly contrasted Aqua's, as it seemed from the redhead's point of view that the master was about to break down and cry any moment now. Jeez, how depressing. Pursing her lips briefly, initially glancing around before continuing, Aoko cleared her throat.
"Mm? Do I have anything to say, you ask? Mmm... Not really, off the top of my head," Aoko said, moving her hand to sheepishly scratch her head, as if unintentionally undermining everything Aqua was going through right now,
"You were just being mind-controlled, right? It wasn't like you wanted to do all that, right? And it easily could have been anyone that Bane and that Psimon guy decided to manipulate, so it was just fate that decided it'd be you," she spoke, maintaining an easy-going attitude.
"Yelling... Punishing... I think that's all a bit over-dramatic, don't you think?" She said, even chuckling lightly as though a mild joke were told,
"You make it sound like you wanted to do all that, and liked it too! Which in that case, would be a dastardly thing worthy of punishment. But tell me, was it like that, Aqua?" Aoko inquired, using the master's name in a familiar tone, as though the two of them were already close friends.
Emotions rocketing in different directions, Aqua found herself vexed by Aoko's loose, seemingly carefree stance. The master tightened her jaw and took a step back from the red-haired woman. While Aqua had enjoyed her previous encounters with this woman, finding Aoko's relaxed attitude a bit of a distraction from her worries, the master was frustrated with her this time. She stood before Aqua, telling the weary warrior nothing she wanted to hear. The gentle, chiding words came at Aqua like soft punches in the stomach and she found it difficult to reply, opening and closing her mouth a couple of times before she would finally pinpoint the words to say.
Aqua pursed her lips before responding with,
"You're right; I was being mind-controlled, but I can't blame it all on them. I know you say it could've been anyone, but it was me. I was singled out because of the darkness in my heart."
The young woman softly placed a hand over her chest, letting out a sigh afterwards.
"I was weak to the dark influence they held over me and that was my fault."
Dropping her hands at her sides, Aqua would ball them into fists. Light laughter from the woman in front of her caused the keyblade wielder to tense her shoulders, a frown even tugging against the corners of her lips.
"This isn't something to laugh about," protested the master.
"You can call me dramatic if you want, but I still helped end lives. I did something dark."
Aqua glanced down at the ground, ashamed and unable to even look Aoko in the eyes.
"To answer your question, no, I didn't mean to and I didn't like it. That doesn't change the fact that I did it." She took another step back, her eyes never leaving the ground.
"I could do it again, you know," she added, her voice suddenly morbid and cold, her eyes void of their usual twinkle and strength.
"You should stay away from me. If I become a monster again, there is no telling what I could do..."
An image of her friend Terra flashed through Aqua's mind once more. For the first time in her life, Aqua entirely understood what her close friend had felt. She had begged Terra to listen to her, to remain on a path of light, yet he still fell prey to the darkness. Now the same thing had happened to her. What would become of her now, she wondered? How could she face anyone? Inwardly the young woman struggled, at a loss for words that could properly describe how repulsed she was with herself.
"..."
Aoko remained silent as Aqua responded, still reveling in her angst over being used as a puppet for the villains' nefarious deeds, speaking of the darkness in her own heart and the influence it held over her being. The girl was so troubled... so vulnerable. Full of doubts and anger, as well as fear and uncertainty. The redhead had to stifle another small laugh, not finding amusement in Aqua's plight, but rather, slightly amused this time as she mused internally on how the Keyblade Master reminded Aoko of herself when she was younger.
Ten years really flew by, huh?
Taking a breath, scratching her head briefly, Aoko remained silent for a bit, her expression a bit of a mystery, especially as Aqua held her head down. But then... she finally spoke, managing to compose the words she wanted to say, even if she wasn't certain it was what Aqua needed or wanted to hear.
"Aqua... There's darkness in everyone's hearts. Inside every human is a natural force of malevolence, of malice, of negativity," she began, taking a gentler tone than before,
"It's an ugly thing, and it's something that I'm not proud of, but it exists, within you, within me, and within the rest of us. All we can ever do is live with it, and try to be our best selves despite it, even if it doesn't always work out. But that's human nature, isn't it? To fail and to keep failing in hopes that eventually, they'll succeed."
Aoko took a breath, before continuing.
"Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. You did something bad, and you have the potential to do it again. The full extent of your consequences may evade you, what with at least most people managing to make it back okay, but it's still something that'll weigh on your soul for as long as you live. You did something that you'll never be able to take back."
"But... Just because you did a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person, Aqua. Everyone has the capacity to do and be bad. You have it in you, and I have it in me. After all, you feel bad about it, right? You really regret that you did those things, even if it wasn't your fault. That's why you're beating yourself up like this, right?" The magician continued,
"It's because you're a good person at heart that you feel bad about the things you've done. You may not believe it yourself, but I believe it."
"But punishing yourself isn't going to help you atone for your sins. Suffering does not absolve suffering. It isn't as though people, including yourself, will feel more inclined to forgive you if you've suffered enough. I like to think people are better than that. No, the true answer comes from atoning for your sins, so stand up straight and keep your head up high. The only way you can ever forgive yourself is for you to do good in return, because just as people have the capacity for immense evil, they also hold the ability to do good. Do everything you can to make up for what you've done. It won't be easy -- heck, it might even be one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life -- but if you truly want to gain the ability to forgive yourself, rather than wallowing in your pain forever, then it's something you just have to do."
Aoko took yet another breath, brushing aside some stray hair with her hand, before giving Aqua a good-natured smile.
"That's all I can truly say to you. I don't know if it's enough to assuage you, but that's what I have for you, and you can take what you want from it."
And with that, she said her piece.
Aqua felt encumbered, as if wearing a sack of bricks on her back. Every word Aoko added seemed to spawn more and more metaphorical bricks in this sack, until the woman's knees wobbled from the pressure. Words that should've set her free only brought her more discomfort, as if she were a child resisting medicine that would make her feel better. The master's blue eyes remained pinned to the ground, unmoving as Aoko would try and knock some sense into her. She wanted to combat the red-haired woman's statement, to poke at its flaws, but it just didn't seem... possible.
Eventually, Aqua's eyes lifted from the ground, looking past Aoko. She found it hard to directly look upon her, to witness the kind smile she could nearly feel emanating from the woman’s natural warmth. Aqua's eyes were already glassed over, close to tears she didn't want to see fall. When she finally spoke again, Aqua’s voice shook.
“You’re right,” she said,
“You’re probably right about everything you just said. Absolutely right. Everyone has darkness in their hearts. I should move on and try to live with what I did... I’m not a bad person... I should push forward and try to make up for what I did...”
Aqua raised her hands level with her waist and narrowed her eyes before looking down at them.
“...you may believe in me, but no progress will be made if I can’t believe in myself. And I’m not sure if I can do that right now. The darkness... it’s stronger to fight than it’s ever been and I’m so... tired.” So weak. Aqua couldn’t even find the energy to smile anymore. She felt drained, like she wouldn’t even have the physical strength to stand in the face of a wind gust due to the emotional strain on her body.
“Sometimes I just want to—“
Fade, Fade into the darkness.
“Never mind; you should go, Aoko. Leave with the others, go back to your home so you can be with your family and friends. Smile for them and enjoy having... someone. I should probably thank you for your kindness, but I’m not sure if kind words are what I need right now.” She found herself still unable to look directly at Aoko, but it probably didn’t matter—the young woman would be gone soon enough anyhow.
"Kind words are all I can give you, Aqua. Like I said, it is up to you to drag yourself out of that darkness. No one can do it for you," Aoko said, moving to place a hand on Aqua's shoulder.
"Redemption's never easy, nor is it ever meant to be fast. There's no such thing as a painless lesson if it's one that matters. But I believe that you'll get there in time. It'll take time; maybe you just need some time to naturally rebound, maybe you just need to stumble across a companion who can light your way through the darkness. But you'll get there, alright?" She asked, softly tapping Aqua's cheek with her palm. Far from a slap, but certainly noticeable,
"You may feel tired today -- heck, it's perfectly natural every now and then -- and things may never be any easier ever again, but hey, tomorrow is a new day. A solitary journey with a single trunk and a free spirit."
With that, Aoko took both of Aqua's hands into her own and held them up, keeping up her smile as naturally as they came.
"I want you to promise me something, Aqua, if nothing else. Even if you might lose your way again one day, even if there comes a time where you just become too tired for the day... I want you to look to the next day with hope. Hope that things will get better, even if they won't get easier. Because just like darkness, hope exists in every corner. You just have to find it, and if you can't, you'll have to make some yourself. But you also have to believe in that hope as well. Alright? Just as I believe in you, if you can't believe in yourself, then you better believe that I'll keep doing it, no matter how far apart we might be!"
She stopped for a second, before winking teasingly.
"Let's just say... I've got a feeling this won't be the last time we see each other. And when we do bump into each other again, I hope by then, you'll be able to look at yourself and see the kind and unyielding spirit within that I see! Now, then. Perhaps you're right about one thing; I should be getting home. This was supposed to be my vacation, but aaah, such misfortune! You should be on your way too. A journey begins with a single step, after all!"
The light hearted words and gestures of Aoko seemed to flow right through the gaping hole in Aqua's heart. As downcast a notion as this was, it didn't mean that no progress had been made. The hole in the keyblade master's heart could've widened further with every passing moment, but instead it stayed the same. Even though she was currently at one of the lowest points she had ever found herself in, it didn't change the fact that Aqua had a will-power thicker than a wall of diamond. She had enough strength to automatically shut down her mental pain from progressing to a point where it could permanently damage her heart and mind. No matter how bleak her life got and how unhappy she was, Aqua continued standing.
This will-power was almost a curse, in a way, because it prevented her from shutting down like she wanted to. It prevented her from recoiling at Aoko's touches and telling this jolly woman just to leave her alone like she deserved. But, no, Aqua couldn't tell Aoko to go away. In truth, she didn't want to be alone. She had already been alone for ten years too long. She needed to belong somewhere again. She needed--
Aqua drifted off, seeming to look past Aoko with a gaze that might've suggested she was no longer paying attention to what the red-haired woman had to say. Nevertheless, she had been listening. When Aoko suggested she find a companion to light her way through the darkness, Aqua thought of one thing only: her friends.
Terra. Ven.
"What am I even saying?" she suddenly spat out, her eyes refocusing as if she had just woken from a hazy daydream.
"My life isn't about just me. I need to find my missing friends. From them, I will find my strength. From them, I'll find my light again. What I really need to do is put aside how I feel--as I always do--and dedicate myself to looking for them."
Deep in her heart, Aqua knew this solution wasn't perfect. It still meant she would be alone for some time and ignoring her own feelings would only continue to bring about mental strain. But maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be so bad now that she
at least had found her way out of the dark realm.
Taken aback by Aoko grabbing her hands, Aqua's gaze finally met her's again. The keyblade master's hands were cold and wouldn't even twitch in her grasp.
"Hope?" she mumbled, finding it odd how foreign the word tasted on her tongue. Long ago, she had been full of hope for nearly everything in her life. Hope that Terra would be able to become a master like her. Hope that she, and her two best friends, would always be together. Hope that Mickey would help her escape the dark realm. Hope that
Sora would help her escape the dark realm. But hope must've not been very fond of Aqua, as it seemed keen on avoiding her like the plague.
"I'm not really sure I can make you that promise," she replied back sheepishly.
"But I can promise you that I'll keep moving forward, no matter how tired I get, no matter how badly I want to give in... because that's just who I am." Aqua put on a smile, but it wasn't a real smile. It would take a bit more work before she felt light-hearted enough to display genuine happiness.
"Before you go, I have one last thing to say. I--"
...was wondering if maybe you want to come with me?
While it was a tempting question to ask, Aqua knew that Aoko had a home to return to. She didn't want to get in the way of that. And, something deep down told Aqua that Aoko had her own path to walk.
"...want to thank you for... your kind words. It may not seem like they meant much, but they did. I'm sure someday they'll mean even more than they do now. Maybe we will see each other again someday, but until then... may your heart be your guiding key."
"Hmm. That's a good enough promise for me," Aoko said in a jovial manner to Aqua's initial response. She knew that it was probably a difficult step for the Keyblade Master, but life was full of such things. As she'd just said, a journey started with one step, and she could see it before her very eyes. This girl had a long one ahead of her.
When the girl then proceeded to speak her final statement, seeming to pause in the middle for a brief moment, the confident redhead gave a sincere smile.
"I'm glad I could help, no matter how significant or negligible it was!" She exclaimed, before giving a nod, her final one to Aqua for the time being,
"Indeed. Now then... If that's it, take care, Aqua. I don't envy the path you're going to walk down from here on out, but I do look forward to the day that it crosses with my own path later down the road."
Hoisting her baggage over her shoulder again, she turned around, her red hair flowing as confidently as her personality.
"Times like this though, you shouldn't say goodbye. You should say... see you later~" She said, getting in her last word, and with that, disappeared into the portal, set for home.
