How Green Becomes Wood

"Sure, we'll start looking for one, that's no problem. And of course you can go into the music room, as far as I'm aware the only room we don't want you both in is our bedroom, and probably my office, just because it's always a mess in there and it's where I keep most of ritual objects, and so it's not a great idea to mess around with that stuff unless you know what you're doing. And if you know how to play, you're welcome to."

She sat calmly as they continued to bicker about music. It was nice to hear. And she was thinking about what it might be like when they relaxed a little bit more, and started to really be able to walk around the house like they belonged there, when she remembered what was also kept in the music room.

"Oh, um, there some sketchbooks in with instruments, and I... wouldn't go through them. At least, not yet, you know, they're Dark's, and I know some of the drawings are personal, so I'll talk to him and he'll move the ones with the drawings he would prefer to keep to himself somewhere else."
 
"If the professor draws, does he design his tattoos?" Xander asked. "Does he have any room left for any more tattoos, or is he fully covered?"

Alec frowned and pushed him off the table. Gently, though, and Xander had plenty of time to catch himself. "Rude question! Besides, how would she know?"

"He could tell her," Xander pointed out from his new position sitting on the floor. "I think it's cool. I should totally get one."

"You faint at the sight of needles," Alec reminded him.
 
"He does design them, and as far as I'm aware, he's pretty much out of space, although I don't know if that means he's out of space entirely, or just out of space he's interested in decorating. Sometimes he whines about how if he could, he'd get his palms and the soles of his feet done, but with the healing process and everything it's just not feasible. He started drawing because since he couldn't speak English yet when he moved here, it was easier for him to express his needs at, like, stores if he could just sketch it. Then he got creative. I know a lot about his illustrations, he tells me about them all the time, it was a big deal when he got his first one." Her face always took on a very specific light when she spoke about her husband, if anybody ever had any doubts about the way she felt about them, they really only needed to look at her in those moments.

Daizi sort of lost herself in the thought of his excitement over whenever he was about to get a new tattoo, and when she managed to pull herself out of the reverie, she said, "If you faint at the sight of needles, Xander, then you should get one on your back, so you don't have to see the needle. Dark could help you design it, when you're old enough."
 
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"Really?" Xander asked, a little surprised. "I thought the entire purpose of adults was to tell kids not to do stuff, even - especially - if they've done it." He eyed her speculatively. "You got any tattoos?"

"You are on a roll today," Alec sniffed.

Xander stood and stretched, working out a kink in his back.
 
"Me? No. I've thought about it, you know, mostly to surprise him. Get something he'd like. I used to dye my hair like Haley Williams or Avril Lavigne when we were young--and you aren't really supposed to change your appearance for a guy, but I figured since I couldn't see how it looked anyway, it didn't matter," She only knew those women had hair like that because her friends at the time absolutely adored describing how people looked to her, "But a tattoo seems like an awful lot of pain for something I don't even get to see. I'll dye my hair, but I think that's my limit. Maybe if they invent a tattoo in braille."


Daizi lay down on the couch, on her back, playing with the ends of her hair, "And I don't think our entire purpose is to tell kids not to do stuff, the thought of that makes me feel ancient. I'm in my thirties, I'm not even old. Adults just pretend like we know what we're doing, but we don't. We just have fully developed brains and anyway if we all start admitting nobody knows anything, all of society would collapse. Tattoos are cool, and Dark says he doesn't even regret his stupid ones, and anyway the only one he doesn't love he's thinking about getting covered up, if he can think of the right thing to put over it. So it's really not that big of a deal."
 
"Huh. Well, I dunno what I'd even get, and I'm not a fan of voluntary pain," Xander shrugged. He turned to his brother and asked, "Did you get my homework?"

Alec nodded. "It's in my bag."

"Cool. I'm going to go get started while you two chat," Xander said, walking away.

Alec looked at Daizi. "He's been bored," he explained. "I am curious about something, and I do hope you will not take offense at my question, but if you cannot and have never seen certain looks, fashions, and things like that, how do you decide what you want to look like?"
 
"If boredom means he'll consistently do his homework, I'll take it. But I feel bad that he's bored, we've been trying to figure out what you both are really into so we can provide... enrichment, I guess? I'm sorry, that makes it sound like you're an animal at a zoo."

Her eyes were partly closed, and she wasn't bothering with turning towards Alec, "No, I don't take offense. It's a good question. I guess, well, fashion isn't purely visual. Fabric has texture to it, it has weight. If you ever wear a really twirly skirt or dress, you know it'll twirl before you try it. So I know what sort of fabrics I like. I really like clothes that move, I like lace because it's interesting to touch, it has a lot dimension to it. I love fun sleeves, really big ones, or jagged ones, or ones with buttons, those are fun because I can feel them. I love velvet. And knit wool, winter and autumn are wonderful, because big sweaters are nice, since I get to feel the, um, stitches? I don't know the right word. Some clothing pieces have embroidery, and I can feel those shapes. So that helps me decide what I like to wear. Then, I know what I feel comfortable in. I hate pants, especially tight pants, because they feel restricting. A lot of people think dresses are restricting, but I've always felt very free in long, flowing ones. That's why I don't like short skirts, though, because in those you need to be careful about how you move so you don't flash someone. So I know that about myself, too, and I don't need sight to know what feels comfy," She ran one hand along her current outfit: an ankle length wool skirt embroidered with an owl near the hem and a warm blouse. "The rest my husband helps with, he's very stylish or so I'm told. He knows what I like in terms of aesthetics. He knows what interests me, so he's able to help pick clothes which fit 'the vibe.' He helps with things like colours, patterns, you know. And my hair I just keep long because I'm lazy, I can't be asked to get it cut more than once a year."
 
Alec smiled a little at her mentioning she wanted to give them enrichment. He supposed that was a pretty good way to look at it as long as you didn't think too hard about the animal aspect. Then he got caught up in her explanation and sat listening curiously.

"I understand, I think," he agreed. "I like visual texture. Layers and layers of it. Xander says it looks terrible, but he'll still sometimes help me pick pieces out. Maybe if I tried to think more about the physical texture of things, then perhaps I wouldn't need so many layers. But I don't think I could actually last a full day without at least two layers on. It feels so wrong! But I do like things that swish. It's hard to swish and be a guy and wear layers all at the same time. I wish cloaks and capes were still a thing."
 
"I don't think it really matters how others think you look, as long as you feel comfortable living that way. And I wouldn't worry about the 'be a guy,' part. The conceptualization of masculinity changes cross-culturally and even across time--did you know, in the 60s, pink was a 'boy colour' and blue was a 'girl colour'? You can swish and layer and be a guy and all of the other things, and if you want to wear a cloak or a cape do it. It doesn't have to be 'in style' to wear it, just do what makes you happy," Finally she turned her voice to him, "People will probably say mean things about it, but the people who matter will think it's cool. I have a huge collection of really wild sunglasses, because if I'm going to wear something every day for the comfort of other people, I'm going to have fun with it, and fun glasses are extremely tactile. They, along with the rest of my style, are litmus test, people who think it's cool pass, and those people are my people. People who think they're 'too cool' to challenge fashion norms fail the test, and they're not my people. Life is too short to concern yourselves with the opinion of those who are not your people."

Daizi slowly rolled onto her side, not really in the mood to sit up, she just wanted to relax, "And I'm sure that if you dressed 'normal' Xander would miss your version of 'normal,' I don't mean to imply because he jokes with you his isn't 'your people.'"
 
Alec smiled faintly and pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged on the table. "Trust me, Daisy, ma'am, even if I like wearing what I wear, and I'm quite happy to dress as a standard boy, I'm under no illusion that it looks good. I have a horrible sense of fashion, really, but if that's what people notice about me, it means they aren't paying attention to anything else. Anyway, layers don't swish well because they weigh each other down. Still, maybe I will look into cloaks. Cloaks are fun and distracting!"
 
Daizi rolled onto her back and smiled. She didn't want to start the same argument as before, but she was amused by his insistence his fashion sense was bad, but it was okay to look bad, because it wasn't the most important thing.

"If you ever face criticism, just tell them I picked out your clothes," She lightly teased, "but I still think perhaps you need to switch your fabrics or length of layers to swish. If everything is a similar length, sure, but if something is long enough, it wouldn't be hampered, I don't think. I don't know. I guess they can't all swish but you can probably get at least one to. And you should get a cloak. I think it's a good idea, actually, they seem really nice."
 
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"Oh, I don't mind the criticism, but I think you have some good ideas," He said brightly. He shifted on the table and tipped his head sideways. "What type of instruments are in the music room? Can you play them all? How do you learn to play an instrument?"
 
"We have my harp and a piano. I play the harp and we both play piano. I taught him, actually," She sat up again, and fluffed out her hair, "and do you mean how do I learn to play an instrument or how does anyone? I think I learn just about the same as anyone else would, because it's something you do with your hands and your ears. I have braille sheet music, but mostly I just learn to play by ear."
 
"Hmm, I mean how does anyone learn," Alec said after a moment of thought. He smiled and wiggled his fingers in the air, pretending to tap on keys. "I think Xander is so bored, and I am nearly bored, because we do not know what in the world to do with ourselves. We have time to do hobbies! Neither of us has ever had a hobby. We can learn whatever it is we wish! We do not know how to learn." He giggled at that statement. "I mean, I am sure we could figure things out eventually, but I'd rather start by asking someone knowledgable then randomly taking apart a toaster."
 
"Well if you'd like to learn an instrument, I'd be glad to teach you, if you'd like. Or we can hire a tutor, if you'd rather not work with me. It's good to have hobbies."

Daizi also chuckled at we don't know how to learn and said, good-naturedly, "I think that with learning, it's not something you can do or not do, it's something that you're compelled to do when something interests you, and your interests help find your hobbies. What are you and Xander interested in? I mean, besides music, we've already established that."
 
Alec tapped his chin with a smile. "I like books. That is an easy hobby. All you need to do is ensure I have safe passage to and from the library perhaps once a week. I shall then happily stay hidden away with my books. Hmm, is browsing thrift stores a hobby when you hardly ever buy anything? I suppose that is my other hobby. Xander." He paused and thought for a moment. "He has one thing that interests him, but it's a secret. He'll have to tell you. Other than that, I don't think he's ever allowed himself to have an interest. I can't think of anything he likes to do other than maybe wander, explore, and try to stay away from fights."
 
"Getting you to the library is easy. I can't drive you, and you wouldn't want me to try, but maybe on days where Dark goes shopping he can drop you off before he goes and pick you back up when he's finished," Daizi suggested. She was making a mental list of things to talk to him about when he came home. The poor man had no idea what he was going to walk into.

"And a secret interest... now that is curious--I hope he lets me in on it someday. I'm great at keeping secrets. As for exploring, when the weather warms up, I know a few lovely hiking trails that may satisfy."
 
Alec pulled up his knee to his chest and looked at Daizi seriously. "Why do you care so much?" he asked quietly. "It's one thing to just want to take care of us and not let us die, that's basic human decency. But you seem to actually want to look after us. Maybe not like we're your own kids, but more than just a pair of street urchins your husband brought home unexpectedly."
 
Daizi blinked. Why do you care so much? How is anyone supposed to answer that question? She scratched her arm as she tried to think of something to say, because she didn't even really know the answer.

"I don't know... it just seems like the right thing to do, I guess," Well that's not a very good answer, "I never had a mom, myself. She died giving birth to me, then my dad either couldn't cope or never had plans to be involved in the first place, so I was basically raised by my nanny, until he shipped me off here. We have a better relationship now, he had a health scare when I was seventeen that made him at least try to take an interest in my life, now he just kind of tries to be controlling, but it doesn't change that for so long I was living in this house with this man who hardly spoke to me. Who didn't really know anything about me. It makes you feel like you don't exist, and that messes you up. And Dark has his own problems with the people who sired him, I won't even call them his parents, and it screwed him up, and I think both of us want to prove we aren't like where we came from."

She swallowed and turned away from him, and in a much quieter tone of voice said, "And in another life, we'd have a twelve year old, right now, in this big house with us, and in many other lives we'd have many other children of increasingly young ages, so I think maybe I'm selfish too, and want to put some of that care and attention I had prepared to give into something. We don't have any nieces or nephews to give it too, only our dog, and our rats, and Neith... and our rose bushes and apple tree."
 
Alec listened quietly, his eyes never wavering from her as she spoke. He hugged his knee, not really thinking, just absorbing her words as she spoke and feeling the sincerity in her words.

"Thank you for your honesty," he said softly. "Maybe it is a little selfish, but I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes. You just have to be aware of it. You know? And... I don't know if this is worth anything, but I think you don't have to have children to prove that you're better than where you've come from. I think you've both already proven that a long time ago." He reached out and carefully touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry about your baby. I really am, even if I can't understand pain like that."
 
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