How Green Becomes Wood

It took awhile, but eventually Dark returned to the dinner table. He reheated his food and sat down to eat it alone, knowing Daizi was not going to come back. It took longer for her to be seen around the house again because after her stomach gave her a break, she slinked upstairs to brush her teeth and change into more comfortable clothing. That would be the last time she wore that particular skirt for a long time and she knew it. Finally, she splashed her face with cold water and eventually, eventually, she came downstairs.

As Dark predicted, she did not return to dinner, instead she went to the living room. Xander was being quiet, so she didn't know he was in there, and because she thought she was alone, she didn't refrain from allowing herself to feel her tiny baby bump and she was softly singing under her breath, knowing full well the embryo hadn't developed hearing yet. But it was nice to try to 'bond' with it already. Daizi never did it, though, if she knew one or both of the twins were around, because she didn't want it to upset them, but she believed herself to be alone and curled up in the big arm chair.
 
Lost in his own thoughts, Xander didn't pay much attention to Daizi at first. Then she started singing and rubbing her own belly. Xander tensed, suddenly realizing Daizi didn't know he was in the room! He hadn't thought of making any noise. Okay, this was now very awkward. He hesitated, glancing around. Could he manage to tiptoe out of the room without alerting her? He didn't want to scare her or make her feel more embarrassed than he was currently feeling. He decided to give it a try. It was that or clear his throat and admit he was sitting here watching her do... whatever it was she was doing.

Fortifying himself, he uncoiled from his position on the couch and lifted himself up, trying desperately to keep it from squeaking or groaning. It didn't quite work as the couch made a quiet, grumpy noise. He tried tiptoeing away anyway.
 
Hearing the noise, Daizi dropped her hands and sat up straighter, "Hello?" It was either her dog or one of the twins, or a ghost, because she knew Dark had fully adapted to letting her know he was in a room when she entered it, so it couldn't have been him but certainly something moved. She put her hand out, because there was no way her dog would get off the couch when she entered the room without coming to her to be pet, and when no dog came to her hands, she said, slightly embarrassed by what she had been caught doing (and anxious, because she didn't want to upset whichever twin was in there with her by performing a display which showed she, in fact, loved the baby she was growing), "It's okay if you're here, you don't need to go. I just didn't know."
 
Xander winced as he froze in place. "Sorry," he said, turning around. "It's Xander. I didn't mean to hide or anything. I was zoning and didn't think. I, uh, I can go so you can keep doing your thing." He took a hesitant step toward the door. He wasn't sure which would be weirder now, staying or going.
 
"No, no, no it's okay!" She said, waving her hands. She was blushing faintly, "You can stay! She can't---they can't--it can't hear anyway, so it, it doesn't matter." She stumbled through every pronoun. She didn't want to personify the embryo too much and cause strife, but also she was worried if she used a neutral pronoun, he would think that there were multiple, and (thankfully) that was not the case, so she had to fall all the way back to "it." She didn't even particularly like that one, but it seemed like the only safe option.

"Dinner was good," Daizi said, sitting up a little straighter, "I'm sorry I couldn't eat more of it."
 
Xander lowered himself back into his spot in the corner of the couch. "Sorry I didn't try to do something less, um, heavy and smelly," he said, trying desperately not to sound as awkward as he felt. He gestured toward Daizi, realizing the futility of the motion halfway through. "So, uh, you think it's a girl? Or, um, hope it is?" He slouched back in the couch and laced his fingers together. Nothing weird here. Just him trying to carry on an intelligent conversation with someone he barely spoke to outside of quick comments. Nothing weird at all!
 
"No, it's okay, honestly, it's impossible to tell what will get to me," She smiled, and curled back into her seat. Even if the atmosphere in the room was awkward, she was going to do her best to make it not that way by pretending everything was completely normal. When Xander asked about the baby she hummed softly and her hand found its way back to her middle, "Dark really hopes it's a girl. He says that with himself and you and Alec, we have enough boys. And I don't know, I don't really mind either way, but we had a son, once, who was born too early and never... It feels different, this time, and I don't know if it's because it's a girl or if they're stronger or if I just really want it to be different and it's all in my head but..." She shrugged, and then laughing lightly joked, "I've been joking that only a girl could hate her mother this much this early."
 
With how much Daizi tried to avoid talking about or drawing attention to the baby, Xander was genuinely surprised with how much she talked about it. He wasn't sure how to respond. A response seemed necessary, but what was he supposed to say? He'd never been around a pregnant woman before, and society had taught him to watch his words with extreme caution. Pregnant women were supposed to hate all men on principle because of what they had to endure, right? But Daizi didn't seem to be hating him, at least right now, and she seemed to want to talk, but he had no clue what he was supposed to say or what questions he was allowed to ask.

And now the silence had stretched out awkwardly.

"I doubt she hates you. I don't know how she could, but I guess girls are harder than boys, so they get it out early?" he suggested cautiously, drawing upon his scant knowledge of women-related memes. That was the kind of thing they said, it seemed.
 
Daizi sat patiently through all of the silence, knowing it was a difficult thing for them to talk about but wanting to encourage open discussions. If that meant a bit of awkward pauses, that was okay, "You're probably right, it's just a funny thing. It's pretty common for girls and women to say they hate their mom, even if they don't really mean it. I never had one, so I don't really know." She shrugged, and let herself sit in the silence for a few moments before saying, seriously, "You don't have to be nervous around me, you know. I'm the same person I was nine weeks ago and the same person I was when you met me. I'm okay with anything you might want to say or ask, and considering today I had someone give me a buisness card for a plastic surgeon, I promise nothing you can say will upset me."
 
Xander looked at her, completely confused. "Why in the hell would they do that?" he asked. "That's stupid. It's not like there's anything wrong with you like a cleft lip or something that makes it hard to eat and talk and stuff. Anyway, you aren't the same person, I don't think. You're different 'cause you're growing a baby and prepping to be a mum. You weren't growing a baby or prepping to be a mum nine weeks ago. It'd be weird if you were the same."

He bit his lip. He hadn't meant to say all of that. In truth, Daizi didn't seem like the same person as when they met. She wasn't the level-headed jokester she once was. Now it felt like she was walking on eggshells between trips to the bathroom, and that was making him nervous and walking on eggshells, too. Not to mention her random bouts of emotion that really threw him off.
 
"Because people can awful," She suggested as an explanation. Now that she had calmed down and distanced herself from it, she could see it more clearly, although she still hated that her baby was going to have to grow up in a world with people like that, "and because I doubt anyone who carries their plastic surgeon's buisness card around with them everywhere they go is secure in themselves and hurt people hurt people. My existence is threatening to everyone who things beauty is everything."

When Xander said it would be weird if she was the same as she used to be, it was her turn to fall silent. He was probably right, but that was scary, wasn't it? And she knew there were days she didn't feel at all like herself, and days where she would just cry all day long, and those were awful days for her. She didn't want to believe they it was all part of being an entirely new person, and also, "I want to be a stable person for you and your brother. I'm not your mother, because you have a mother already, and I don't want to replace her or seem like I'm trying to, but I still, I want to help you both, in that way, and I don't want... all of this... to make it more difficult for either of you." She sat up straighter and leaned on the arm of her chair so she was closer to the teenager.

She didn't cry, nor was she about to, because for once she was in complete mastery of her feelings, which allowed her to speak candidly and honestly, "It felt like you were both finally settling in here, and it made me feel so--full, you know? I felt like I was doing something right, and I felt like that was it. Because you both have come so far since that first day we met--could you imagine making us dinner back in December? Without being asked?" She pressed her hands to her chest, "and I am honestly so proud of you and Alec, and it kills me that my being pregnant might make it harder on you both. I just want you to feel normal."
 
Xander considered her words for a long minute before speaking. "No offense, Daizi, but you urging us to feel 'normal' is more than a bit ironic," he pointed out dryly. "Nothing about this is 'normal,' and, honestly, we're okay with that. Both of us." He shifted in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. Why did they have to talk about this kind of thing? But she seemed to need it, so he rallied himself and tried to pretend like he was talking to Alec. "We - I - appreciate your worry and that you... you feel proud of us," he blushed a little at that, "because while our mother did sometimes worry about us, it wasn't like how you do, and there's never been anybody who felt... proud of us... of me... before. It, um, it means a lot."

He cleared his throat and shifted again. At this rate of shifting, his butt was going to completely knead the couch cushion into a weird shape. "Anyway, we might not be... as happy about the, um, certain things as maybe we ought, but that's not your problem, not really. You done the best you could, and it's up to us to be, you know, supportive and all that. You just gotta do what's right for the, um, the... the baby. It's what mothers are supposed to do, right? Take care of themselves and the littlest ones first. We're not babies anymore. And, well, frankly, even on your worst day, you're still more stable than anything we had before." He gripped his hands tightly together and forced himself not to adjust his position.
 
She exhaled through her nose from slight amusement, "Okay, if not normal, then safe. I don't want either of you to lay awake at night wondering what is going to happen--I lay awake at night wondering if you are lying awake." She closed her eyes and listened to Xander speak, not interrupting him. She heard him shifting around and knew he was uncomfortable, and didn't really know what to do about that. The conversation felt important, but she didn't want to trap him into something that made him want to run away.

"Do you know, when Dark and I found out, or, I guess, when it was confirmed, I already knew for certain what that test was going to say, that one of our first concerns was about you two? My baby won't be here until November, but you're already here, and we don't want you to feel like you'll be ignored. I know you aren't babies, but..." She shrugged, "you aren't adults, either, and I want you to know that I'm still always going to be there for you. I'm not your mother, but it's still my job, and I take it seriously. So," She smiled at him, "you don't have to be supportive or happy about the baby if that's not how you feel. I, honestly, expected you to be angry about it, and that's okay. I'm not going to judge you or blame you for your emotions, just know that you can talk to me about it, I won't be upset with you. And she won't be able to hear you for another four or five months," she lightly teased to test the waters, "so you don't have to worry about her coming out with a vengeance."

She curled back up in her chair, "But anyway, how are you? What's happening in your life that I don't know about?"
 
"She's your baby, I fully expect some kind of vengeance," Xander snorted. He shrugged. "I was angry, at first, but it kind of felt selfish and bad. I mean, it's not like it's that things fault or yours, and you wanted it so badly and... well, anger just doesn't fit."

He looked down at her question. "Well, I, uh, I've been thinking about how it seems most other kids have some kind of hobby or something, and I've never had that. Alec has music and his stuff, but I've never really liked how... I don't like how enjoying something that much makes me feel, so I didn't. But I think maybe now that we're 'Normal' now, maybe I could give a hobby a shot?"
 
Daizi laughed at Xander's comment, and it felt just so... good to be able to laugh about it, "You know, that's fair, she'll probably be born with leathery wings and fly up the chimney. And it'd probably explain a thing or two," She sighed, "I'm glad you aren't angry anymore. Or at least, you're less angry than you were. I was terrified when I found out, and not only because of you and Alec. Guess I still am."

But she brightened up listening to him talk about himself, "I think it'd be great if you experimented with a hobby. And you should never be afraid of liking something a lot, passions are what make people interesting. Is there anything in particular that interests you? Because if not, I will gladly help think of things for you to try out."
 
Xander hesitated, hedging and humming a bit before finally admitting, "I like horses." He blurted it out fast before he could lose his courage. "I really, really like horses, and I'd like to do something about that. Like... like... I don't know." He blushed and looked down. "It's a girly thing, I know."
 
"Okay," she said, taking it in stride, "I don't think that's girly, horses aren't gendered. Actually, in the Paleolithic, it's believed horses were identified with men and bison were identified with women. So--gender is... complicated, basically," She chuckled, "Off the top of my head, I can't think of... I can look into, like, horse camps and things. I don't entirely know what's in the area, but I'll do some research for you. I promise."
 
Xander shook his head. "I really don't want to bother you with that. You've got a lot of other things going on, like trying to eat in peace. Besides, horses are expensive. I thought maybe I could try something smaller. Cooger is all about making stuff and being reliant and all that, so I thought maybe I could try my hand at making something to do with horses? I mean, like, maybe, decorations for their tack and stuff. Start small and build up, you know? Like starting with some decorative reins instead of going straight for the saddle."
 
Daizi nodded, "I think that's a great idea. I know even less about how to get you started, but I'd be glad to help you. You deserve to just," She waved her hand, "have fun with something. I don't know how normal teenagers act and I don't know what they do for fun, but you deserve to, you know, have it. Rein or saddle."
 
Xander stared at her. Then he started laughing. He couldn't help it. She was just so Daizi! He tried to force himself to stop and ended up giggling for a few moments before he could respond. "Alright, reins and saddles it is," he snickered. "I'll do some research and get back to you on what's what. Sound like a deal?"
 
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