Janine nodded when Raban said he’d do the same. She wanted to stand by Raban, but she still had her mother to watch over. Her mother was someone she loved so much. She feared what would become of her if her mother was killed because of her hardheadedness. She’d most likely end herself. The thought made Janine shudder. But she had gotten her answer.
“Okay, Raban. So long as you will do the same. I will… Try to do it Raban…. But it doesn’t mean I’ll like it,” Janine softly responded. Her frame froze when Raban kissed her head, completely unexpecting of the sudden and intimate form of affection. At least from him. Unexpected, but not unwelcome. After the shock, it somewhat comforted her, knowing he cared so much for her, just as she did for him. The young woman lifted her head as Raban rose to his feet, her teary eyes following his frame as he turned towards the vial of the deadly concoction.
This was not how she wanted to celebrate this holiday. She knew her conversation would leave a bitter taste in everyone’s mouths, but this was more bitter and sour than she ever expected. She didn’t want to be forced to make promises, and she didn’t expect for her to make him promise, though she wasn’t sure if it was so forced. He responded so quickly, without any hesitation. When he spoke again, Janine was wiping her eyes. She didn’t want to understand, not so easily. She wished she didn’t have to make such hard decisions. Not at the expense of anybody’s lives. He spoke once more, saying that he had to make his leave. Her heart pounded with a mixture of sadness and anger - she just had to talk about Greaves. The thought of ending the man’s life brushed through her thoughts, but she kept them at bay. For now.
“Okay…. Bye,” Janine sadly said between sniffles as she continued to wipe her eyes. Her mother got up slowly and made her way towards her daughter, looking towards Raban with a nod. Janine looked up to Raban as he made one more glance at her, then made his leave.
Janine’s mother walked over to her daughter, kneeling down to comfort her. Janine couldn’t help but to let out some more sobs, hugging her mother as she cried on her shoulder.
“Why?! Why did he have me promise? How can he have me just let him be alone like that!” Janine cried.
“Because he wants the same thing I want - for you to live. And he won’t be alone. He’ll have you there with him. You can’t let your emotions block you from seeing what’s important, Janine” her mother softly said.
“But he is important! He’s important to me. I don’t know what I’ll do without him,” Janine said with a small whine.
Her mother was silent for a moment. She gave a deep inhale before letting out an exhale. “If you feel this strongly about it, why did you agree?”
Janine paused and looked up to her mother. “I…. When you called my name, I looked at you. And I saw that I wasn’t the only one that I wanted to live. I…. I forgot about you for a moment. I’m so sorry. I would never -”
No. You didn’t forget about me. You just found someone else that you were willing to fight for. You don’t have just me and you to think about anymore. You now have another in your heart, and you’re torn between who you want to save. It’s what good people do, Janine. It just proves that you have a big heart,” her mother said with a tight hug. But her tone then got serious.
“But Raban’s in danger now. You’re in danger, and that essentially puts your whole livelihood in danger. Who do you care for?” Janine’s mother asked. Janine looked up with confusion. What was this question?
“I don’t understand what you -”
“Who do you care for? The question is simple,” her mother said again.
“That’s obvious Mom - I care for you and Raban and Venus.” Janine said.
Her mother nodded. “Yes, you do. But you forgot to say yourself. You have to understand that fighting against the enemy means that you have to preserve your body, mind and spirit. Especially when the enemy is as cunning as this Hunter. I may not know everything, and you don’t either, but you have to remember that lives are at stake here. Everyone that you know is in danger - and if you want to see this through, you have to live, Janine. If you die, then all of Raban’s efforts and my efforts would be in vain. Do you want that? To die so that our desires would be in vain?” Tina asked with a tone of voice that Janine didn’t want to argue against. Her wish for her friend to live was so strong that she was willing to die for him. But dying would mean that all of the efforts of those that she cared for would be wasted. Especially if it was due to recklessness She didn’t want that to happen. And she couldn’t bring herself to be the reason that her mother gets killed. She wouldn’t be able to bear it. And besides, if she got herself killed, she wouldn’t be able to enjoy living with her best friend and mother.
Janine sniffed and nodded her head. Raban was still her greatest concern in this dangerous moment of their lives. But her mother still had to be considered. She was her mother after all. And her own survival was important as well. There was no use for her to go on and die. Nobody would benefit from it. While she hated the reasons, she understood a little better on why Raban asked her to do what he asked - and he didn’t like asking either. The resolve made her a little better. Determination filled her - she had to be smart in order to survive. But she also wanted to look out for any opportunity that would allow Raban to live. But the time had not come yet. She hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t, but she also had to prepare for anything.
Janine hugged her mother tight before she kissed her cheek. “Thanks Mom.”
“No problem. What do you want to do now?” Janine’s mother asked as they backed away from one another’s embraces. Janine wiped her eyes once again before going up onto her feet.
“I’m feeling tired. All this crying and worrying is emotionally draining. Can I go lay down?” Janine asked.
“Sure, baby. Go on now. See you when you wake up,” her mother said as Janine grabbed the vial from atop the fireplace. Janine went upstairs to her own room, and stored the vial in a dresser. She didn’t know why she kept it; perhaps she didn’t want to attract unwanted attention from anybody of the Order. She laid down and sighed, the fatigue in her body easily pulling her to sleep. What a wonderful Sweetfall’s this year.
~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple of hours later, Janine had woken up from her slumber. Cheers and shouts and festive noises entered her ears, and the young woman slowly tossed and turned with a growing irritation. It was a few minutes of failed attempts to sleep before she gave up with sleep and sat up. She growled softly, her mind in a haze from the pull of sleep, and dragged herself out the bed. The more she listened, the more she heard more clearly - the sounds of people celebrating Sweetfall’s Day. Ugh. The way this day was shaping up to be very shitty. She felt like going outside and telling everyone to shut up and go back inside their homes. But the thought made Janine sad again. She couldn’t let her own personal problems affect how the holiday as a whole affected her. But… It was so hard to be happy at all. Too many things were weighing hard on her mind.
Janine’s stomach growled as she smelled the food that flowed outside. Hungry. Made sense. All she ate so far was a piece of a cookie. She didn’t even eat it all. With a small frown, Janine went back downstairs to see what her mother was up to. Barely halfway down, she heard the woman humming to herself. Curiously, Janine went slowly, seeing what her mother was doing. When she was able to see, all that was before her was the sight of her mother rocking in the chair while humming to herself. She had a cookie in one hand, and a small painting of her husband in the other.
“Oh my dear Janine. She’s going through some things. I had always known she’d find a friend one day, but to feel this strongly for him…. She’s like you in so many ways. I wondered if you had felt for me due to you actually loving me, or because of your blood…. But maybe it was both. I knew that Janine would feel such intense feelings for anybody she’d manage to bond with, but she showed me that her bonds were deeper than what I assumed. I wish you can see her, darling,” Janine’s mother said with a nostalgic sigh. Janine tilted her head at the monologue her mother spoke. Was she talking to herself? To her father? She was so into the little conversation that she didn’t realize where she was on the steps. Her foot slipped to the next step, startling both Janine and her own mother.
“Janine! What are you doing there?” her mother asked.
“Oh… Sorry mom. I just woke up. Just wanted to see what you were doing,” Janine said as she stepped down the rest of the stairs. Janine sighed as she walked to the chair across from her mom. Her demeanor was sullen, but she was trying to not be so… negative looking. But her mother was quick to catch the look on Janine’s face.
“Oh, I was just talking to your father. Telling him how alike you two are. Look, I know today wasn’t how you wanted it to be. I was happy that Raban was here too, you know. But you had more important things to take care of.”
“But I ruined Sweetfall’s Day for all of us. I wanted us to eat cookies while we talked about more fun things. Now I don’t even want to eat anything,” Janine said as she leaned back in her chair. At the mention of food, Janine’s stomach growled. She sighed as she listened to the cheering outside, and frowned angrily at how everyone was having fun outside.
“Janine…. Go eat something. You can still celebrate Sweetfall’s Day honey. You can’t let yourself be down. Sweetfall’s is supposed to be a day to remind ourselves about who we love - and then we’re supposed to cherish it. Not to let negative emotions get the better of us, Janine.” her mother said as she rocked in the chair. Janine scoffed and shook her head.
“So? I ain’t got anything to be all happy go lucky about.”
“You don’t?”
“No, I don’t.”
“So you have nothing to celebrate? No new bonds to be happy about?” her mother probed once more.
Janie looked to her mom and tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“Come now Janine. You have a lot to celebrate. You just want to sulk. I understand that your mood has soured over the last several hours, but the holiday isn’t over. And you should go out and have fun. Just forget your troubles for today. You need to relax. And if you won’t do it for you to relax, think about it as preparing yourself for more stress,” her mother said with a small shrug.
“Mom! Why would I think about it like that?” Janine asked.
“I don’t know. But I do know that it would do you good to go out and celebrate it. Celebrate your strong friendship with Raban. Both of you need to get your mind off of the terrors of the world. Even you two need to have a break. Sounds interesting to you?” Janine’s mother asked.
Janine did think about it. She did have a reason to celebrate….. And sulking sucked, especially when you could stack all the negative things super quick. She nodded softly - maybe going out to celebrate her own version of Sweetfall’s day would be a way to relax. But how? How would she and Raban celebrate it? She wanted Raban to get his mind off of his future battles, just as she needed to forget about the dangers of Amastad. And she was able to eat while she was at it. The more Janine thought about it, the more excited she got. Then she got an idea. A picnic! She’d be able to sit down and talk to Raban at their leisure, and be able to finally eat alone! But she had to think of a place to make a picnic, without prying eyes on all sides. And away from the annoying music that made her ears want to close off from the rest of the world.
“Really Mom? I can go off and celebrate Sweetfall’s Day? What about you?” Janine said.
“I can finally get some sleep here. It’s warm, and I won’t be making dinner until later. I want to rest my eyes for a while,” the woman said as she rocked back and forth. Janine smiled and went to kiss her mom on the cheek.
“Thank you so much, Mom.”
“You’re welcome.”
Janine immediately raced to her room to grab at some coins to spend. She was going to take Raban on a picnic, and she was going to get fresh food for them to eat. Well, mostly food. Definitely going to pack sweets for her picnic - and quite a bit of it too. She went outside to saddle up Venus and rode off towards the inn where Raban stayed at. She had to ask him before it was too late in the day.