How Green Becomes Wood

"You can keep a promise, though," Dark murmured, while Daizi took the puzzle in her hands and began feeling it over, trying to get an understanding of how it worked

"That's good," She told Alec, content. Clearly, she did not even suspect what other questions had been asked, which meant it was obvious Dark had not broken Alec's trust and shared what he didn't want shared, but it also meant she didn't expect anything was being withheld from her either, "and hopefully, it was the last follow up, like Dark was told. And moreover, I hope that once this one comes along, nobody would summon him back. I swear, if normal parents were tested as regularly as non-normative ones... And still, teenagers are shamed regardless of if they attempt to keep their baby or give them for adoption."
 
"True," Xander shrugged.

Alec cleared his throat. "The thing is... well... I mean, there was one question. Um... I don't..."

"Hey," Xander said, sitting next to him. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about it." He reached out for Alec, but Alec edged away just a little.

"This is important," Alec said determinedly. "I just... I can't find the words." He looked at Dark pleadingly. He didn't expect Dark to tell the whole story, but perhaps a start? How to begin telling her?
 
"Talk about what?" Daizi asked, concern like a shadow passing over her brow, "What question?" She wanted to try to guess at the question, deeply wanted to, but also could hear in Alec's voice his hesitancy, and wanted to give him the time he needed to find the courage to tell her. If nothing else, she could feel the size and weight of what he had asked.

Dark inhaled slowly, catching the boy's gaze, and although he wished he did not need to begin to break the news, he said, "He asked a question you and I have both been asked... The sort of question which, depending on the answer, our therapists are required to report."

"Oh," Daizi murmured, and then realized, "oh." She did not need to ask what Alec's answer had been. His hesitancy, and Xander's defensiveness, said more than enough. She fell silent, and her expression was, for once, as unreadable as her husband's. The only real change to have come over her was how her hands stilled on the toy.
 
"I'm sorry, Daizi, really," Alec said earnestly. "I promise that I'll never do it again. I was just... confused and hurting and not in my right mind. I could never do it on purpose and hurt you like that. I just wasn't thinking. I told Mr. Constable, and we told him that we were looking into therapy, so it's going to be okay now. I promise."

Xander put his arm around Alec and gently pulled him closer. "We know," he said gently. "And I know it's my fault. I promise to do better, too."
 
Daizi shook her head, "No, you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault, habibi. It's not your fault," her voice was calmer, and more serious, than they had ever heard her, but not cold, and with more love in it, not less, "it's not your fault either, Xander..."

Again, she fell silent, working through it in her mind. Her head was turned slightly to one side and her eyebrows were stitched together, as if she was listening to some far off call and trying to make out the words, "Did you ever act on it? Those feelings?" She asked, very much present, "and do you still feel that way?"
 
"I wanted to, a couple of times," Alec admitted guiltily, "but it was more... passive. I wanted things to stop. I did not want to be the one to stop them. Except once, but it didn't... I didn't fully follow through." He did not mention that was because he'd passed out and dropped the bottle, spilling all of the pills. That wasn't the point. "I don't feel that way anymore. Not like that. Sometimes I feel... low. I hurt deeply, but not as sharply. It's a dull pain that is... it feels like it wants to heal."

Xander said nothing as he sat close to his brother. Daizi said it wasn't his fault, and he appreciated her saying that, but she was wrong. It was his fault, and Alec rightly blamed him for it. He was the one who'd fallen for a two-faced liar like a shmuck. He was the one who'd allowed lies that wouldn't have fooled a toddler to peel him away from Alec. He was the one who'd said those things to Alec. It was his mouth, his tongue, his actions that had put the final nail in their trust. Perhaps if he hadn't said those things, it would have been easier for Alec to handle, but either way, he'd started to break his promise and walk away. He could blame Declan, but Declan hadn't forced him to do anything. Declan hadn't prompted him or coached him. He'd done it himself. He'd broken the trust between them, and maybe things would heal, but that scar would always be there, and it was his fault.
 
"Okay." Daizi replied, letting what Alec had said linger for a few moments. Beside her, Dark sat silent, not interjecting: it wasn't his turn, anymore, "I'm glad you've not acted on those urges. And that they're not so intense anymore... You're getting better, without intervention, so I can only imagine therapy will be even better for you."

She inhaled again, and then turned towards Xander, "what about you?" She asked, "Have you had those thoughts? Felt that way?"
 
Alec let out a quiet sigh of relief. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt so guilty talking about it! Logically, he knew it couldn't and shouldn't be hidden away, but he really just wanted the subject to be closed. Then Daizi asked Xander the question, and he blinked in surprise. Xander? Have feelings like that? It had never even occurred to him to suspect.

It took Xander a moment to realize she was speaking to him. "Me?" he blurted in surprise. He gave himself a second to regulate better and said, "No, I haven't. Not like that at all."
 
Beside her, Dark breathed from relief learning both of them had not developed those urges, but Daizi was unaltered, "If that changes," she said, choosing to take him at his word, "and if, Alec, they come back, I hope you know you can come to us. Those thoughts are not your fault, and there is no shame in having them. Come here," She set the puzzle down at last and held out her hands to both twins, "come here."
 
"I will," Alec promised. Gently, he moved over to the couch and nestled into her, hugging her lightly and trying not to press into anything that might be sensitive to her pregnant body.

Xander hesitated. Then, just as carefully, he moved over, inch by inch, and accepted Daizi's touch. He remained tense, unused to this, but it wasn't like before. It didn't feel as alarming and dangerous. It was only unusual and difficult to grow accustomed to.
 
She cupped their faces in her hands and rubbed her thumb against their cheeks, taking the time to feel their faces more than she had been able to in the past, and then she gently pulled them in, making Dark move away so she had the space for them both. It was only then, with her cheek pressed against the top of Alec's head, that the strong, logical demeanor she had used while discussing the facts, but the only sign of it was one shaky breath. Her belly was firm, of course, but the rest of her was soft and warm, and she still smelled of spice and incense, "There is no shame in it," she repeated, now whispering, "even if those feelings never come back, or develop at all... I'm still so sorry you've been so hurt, so young. Oh my boys... You've not deserved anything you've been through."

She held Alec tighter than she held Xander, but not because he had been having thoughts of self-harm, not really. Xander didn't love being touched, so she made sure to hold him so he could pull away when he needed to. If he needed to. But she couldn't handle not bringing them close, into her safety, after learning what she had learned about them. Not after what she herself had been through. They were hers, and they were safe and secure.
 
Alec shamelessly nestled into Daizi, breathing in her familiar smell of spices he could never name and the hints of incense. Her soft comfort enveloped him, reminding him that this, this was a safe space. He took a deep breath and let it out in a low sigh. Safe. Secure. Family. Daizi and Dark would never leave. Would never forget. He still feared the future with the baby, but only because it was the unknown. He knew eventually things would go back to, not normal, but a new happiness with another person to share it with. It was scary, but not the worst thing that could happen.

Xander remained stiff at first, unsure. The only person he'd hugged in a long time other than Alec had been Dark. He wasn't entirely certain what he was supposed to do or where to put his arms, but he let Daizi feel his face. A part of him regretted his dislike of touch. It was easier now, but it was still an internal struggle not to pull away. He knew Daizi needed that touch as a part of her disability, and he wished he could give it to her more easily, but it didn't come easily. Maybe someday. Still, he tried to give her as much of a hug as he could, resisting as long as he could, before slowly and gently pulling away. He needed space to breathe.
 
She didn't try to keep him there with her, it was enough he had stayed with her at all. And it couldn't have been easy, she knew, even if he loved to be touched, he still had his fears about pregnancy, and, from what Dark had said, learned discomfort being too close to women, he couldn't easily put his arms around her waist, because it meant touching her most pregnant portion, and moving his arms too high meant meeting with her most visibly feminine parts. That in conjunction with the rest... No, she would easily let him go. She didn't embrace him for her sake, anyway.

Very quietly, as Xander pulled away, she whispered directly to him, "Thank you," and regardless of how he interpreted it, she knew she was thanking him for trying. Then, to both of them, with both her arms now wrapped around Alec, she said, "I know there's not much I can do to protect you: I can't leap in front of a bullet or jump between you and an attacker--and I doubt you'd ever forgive me if I tried, especially now, but in whatever ways I can, I will."
 
"But don't you see? You protect us every day," Alec told her with a gentle smile. "Really, you do. There's a lot more danger than bullets and attackers. You protect us from the unseen stuff every day." He hugged her gently before carefully moving back. "Thank you."

Xander ducked his head bashfully at Daizi's thanks. He could guess a couple of reasons why she thanked him, but he didn't try to ask for clarification. When Alec said what he did, Xander nodded. "He's right. The big hunk of meat you're married to can take care of the bullets and attackers."
 
"I love you," She murmured, setting herself down into the chair. They had enough serious conversations for now, she deemed, and so she rested her hands on her middle. The baby must have been sleeping, because she was still, but still she lightly drummed on herself. It was nice to hold all three of her children at once.

Meanwhile, Dark wrinkled is no nose ever slightly, "Do not call me that," He objected.

Daizi chuckled slightly, "Yeah, he's got a brain... but it is always fun when he protects you in the traditional sense."
 
"We love you, too," Alec assured her.

Xander shrugged. "Of course he has a brain. What are we all but walking meat logs with varying amounts of brains? He's just a bigger hunk of meat than most with a lot of brains. A lot of brains."

Alec nudged him gently. "Come off it," he said. "He's not just meat. He's lots of good muscles, too."
 
"Muscle is meat," Daizi said, "that's what we eat. It's an animal's muscles."

"I minor in philosophy only to be reduced to my body." Dark muttered dryly. At least technically Xander admitted to his intelligence, in a roundabout way. His wife seemed to have no interest in jumping too far into his defense, she was more than content to slide back into his arms. One of his large hands settled on her middle, to be connected with the one kid who he could trust not to tease him.

"My man could've been a model, I think," Daizi hummed, "you would've made better money if you had chosen that path, not that you ever considered it. You'd be like an Arab Fabio."

"Fabio was hit in the face with a goose."
 
"Modeling is one of the few careers where men make far less than women," Alec offered, "but you'd still make more than teaching, I think. Teachers are criminally underpaid."

Xander stared at him. "How do you know that?"

"I read," Alec replied. "I'm more interested in who Fabio is and why and when he got hit with a goose."

"I'm more interested in what's for dinner," Xander grumbled. "Who's turn is to make dinner?"
 
"Dark would be on the covers of those romance novels," Daizi said, "that's what Fabio did, he was a male model. He might still be one, I'm not sure. But in the late 90s, early 2000s, he was doing a publicity stunt where he was on a roller-coaster's inaugural ride, and a goose hit him in the face."

"It busted up his nose and killed the goose--then later tried to say it was the coaster's fault and that it would happen again. It has not. Neither of us were in the US at the time, but Cooger told us about it later when he was trying to get us caught up on pop culture."

"It wouldn't happen to you, though, because you are the Goose. Except you'd live," She kissed his cheek, "Nothing'll take you down. And normally he makes dinner during the week--Dark, not Fabio--but I said because he had a tough morning I'd cook." She sighed, and moved to stand, "I should probably get started, I think."
 
[I am dying of laughter. I had to look it up. Poor Fabio! Poor goose!]

"Oh no! That poor goose! It died?" Alec demanded, horrified. "And was this Fabio person okay?"

Xander cackled gleefully. "It's never happened since, just the first time, and it only hit the fancy dude? Oh, man, what are the odds!"

When Daizi started to stand, Alec bolted to his feet. "No! You've had a long day, too, and you're making a baby. I mean..." He flushed bright red. "You know what I mean. It's hard, exhausting, twenty-four-seven work! You shouldn't be cooking either. Your feet must hurt."

Xander raised a hand. "Idea. How about we order in? We almost never do it, and if ever there was a reason to order in, I'd say it was a stressful, emotional day where we all just wanna melt."
 
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