"You have no business talking about capability, geezer. How's that hip of yours?" Tyvin called after in jest as Tyner moved away from the table to go great the great scaly one, while many would probably find calling Tyner old a tad odd, but when you're lucky you get to fifty your 30's are your 60's. With that she placed her bowl back on the table and jumped up onto her feet to face her two forced audience members. "Sit down, kiddos. I'm about to impart some wisdom on all of you. First piece, brush your teeth before going out on a mission, your mouth gets itchy out there... Or that could just be the side affect of the crystal for me..." Her gaze swept over the two, gauging their reactions to see if either liked her 'opening joke' (If you could call it that). "Right, right. Mission and all. So, imagine this. Blistering heat, grass that reached up to your thighs, no evil squirrels in sight. For miles it only seems like a grassy, depressing blanket that only seems to freeze you more on the inside. Contract was simple, some ugly son of a hag was dragging a villages's cattle off into the night, and they didn't have sharp enough sticks. So, go to the village, get drunk, find the sheep, get drunk and maybe grind the perpetrator into paint"
Tyvin began to get more active as she continued on with the story, telling of how she arrived at the village (With a lot of fearful glances following her) and stressed keeping a low profile. "Even though they know we're there to help, you gotta remember not to draw too much attention. Yeah, you're getting a few coins. Yeah, you're the biggest baddest cowboy in the town. But these people are still afraid and cautious, as they have every right to be. I mean, look what magic did to me" She'd indicate to what could be seen of the crystal curse on her face, though she offered a lopsided grin. "It made me even more beautiful, so beautiful it hurts!" Ego, my name is Tyvin the Squirrel Bitch.
"An odd gesture here, a few sparks shot there. These people can turn on you without notice"
She moved on to explain the strange patrons of the bar she visited while gathering details on the abductions (When telling of a man who tried to impress the ladies in the bar, she slammed her foot on the table and pulled up the clothing to reveal her leg. "'Do you like what you see ladies?' He bellowed, and all I could notice was how hairy that leg was. It was like a bloody jungle!"), and then to the site of the abductions, looking over the tracks and evidence sloppily left behind by the one responsible. "Now, I grew up as a hunter,s o I know my stuff when it comes to those that go bump in the night. And I could tell already, there wasn't a human involved in this. The sloppy work, large than life foot tracks and the smell? No way it was done by a human. Which left my keen expertise only one option..." With that she picked up her bread and jumped up on the table, squatting down to hold the bread next to her face while she made her silliest interpretation for an 'evil sneer'. "A troll!"
After that she stressed the importance of planning and cautious, detailing her finding the Troll's resting ground and scouting his movements for a whole day. Fortunately for her, it seemed like the troll was one of the less competent of his breed. With each mention, she gestured with the bread as if puppeteering the story. "At this point, an idiot would have all they need and rush in to slay the mighty beas-" Briefly interrupted by Cato's entrance, Tyvin gestured to him and continued ''An idiot like that dumb-ass. But not me, while incompetent, I still knew that the bastard still packed quite a punch and could leave me a stain on the floor" So, she moved out and scouted around the area, finding a large, but fragile looking cave. And so her plan was born. She gathered up barrels of gun powder, rolled them up and int the cave, placing them around various points (Indicating this by sticking spare spoons in her porridge bowl). Now, all she had to do was lure the Troll from it's home. Naturally, this had her putting on a sheep costume. "-Hey, stop laughing, this is some serious science!"
Now she stood atop the table, a porridge bowl cave in one hand, and a bread troll in the other. Her plan went on well, she lured the troll up to the cave (Though he proved much faster than he had ANY right to be), before lunging back and preparing a glyph. Indicated by he placing the bread inside the empty bowl. "I only had a few seconds to spare or the Troll would get out and swallow me whole. Trolls aren't really chewers, unless it's small children. My magic is one that require concentration and time, so each second was precious and tense." It wasn't until the last second that she was able to fire off small barrage of flames, which ignited the gunpowder inside the barrels and let off their own mini-explosion. It was enough to send the Troll stumbling and collapse the cave on him. Tyvin ended this with pouring the porridge from the other bowl on top of the bread o simulate the Troll getting buried, before falling backwards off of the table, and rolling back into a sitting position to signify herself tripping on a tree bran- Being knocked on the ground by the force of such a magnificent explosion!
"And then I got drunk... And lost on the way back... More wisdom: Don't. Forget. Your. Map."