Only when Callaghan has disappeared around the corner to the aughisky stables do I lead Willow towards her own stall. I take my time stowing away her tack and grooming her till her coat shines even in the dim light of the stables. It is a welcome task, my hands kept busy as my mind whirls in circles.
Finally, when I can stall no longer, I make my way outside where two of my guards are still more or less patiently waiting. If I had any capacity to spare, I would feel guilty for keeping them out so long, but I am far too preoccupied. With my silent companions I make my way back to my rooms, only just remembering my manners to wish them a good night as they leave me outside my door.
Laila is waiting for me with a warm bath, which I sink gratefully into. The sea breeze had chilled me more than I realised. My maid seems to pick up on my quiet mood and talks only a little, not even asking me about my ride, though I am sure she saw me all but run away with Callaghan. I’m not even sure what I would tell her if she asked anything.
In the stables I had debated inducting Laila into my plans, but ultimately decided against it. She could be a formidable ally, but just as formidable an opponent if she thought it was a bad idea, as she probably would. It was also for her safety. A servant is much more easily punished for something than a princess, and far more severely too.
Once in bed, I lie awake for a long time, listening to the sound of the ocean through the cracked window, trying to ingrain the sound into my very being. I don’t even notice falling asleep.
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The next day I fidget even worse than the day before, distracted by anything and everything. Laila quickly gives up trying to recapture my attention when I stare blankly at her instead of answering her. Finally deciding I must have caught a cold or something while outside, she carts me off to bed, which is even worse. I feel smothered by the sheets and by her watchful eye from the chair by my bedside. I manage a fitful nap, which speeds time along just a little.
After what seems an eternity the light outside the window starts to fade. After what feels like a thousand reassurances that I am fine and just need some more rest (a difficult fib to tell considering the fact that I feel ready to bounce around the room any second) Laila heads to her own room. I listen to her moving around, then wait even longer after she has fallen silent, just to be safe, despite it almost killing me.
When I can stand it no longer, I quietly creep out of bed and into my dressing room, pulling out warm and sturdy clothes as quickly as possible. The clock in my sitting room tells me it is not half as late as I thought it was, but I decide to still risk it. Boots in hand and cloak over one arm I slip out the door and down the stairs. Only a whole two floors down do I slip on cloak and boots, pulling up my hood to conceal my bright hair and continue on my way, trying to walk as though I have business being there.