Lore Weaver
Active Member
It's cold.
So cold.
My denim jacket isn't thick enough to keep the cold from sneaking through the holes in my tee-shirt and brushing against my skin, a caress of ice that wanders wherever it wants chilling my veins with every breath I take. But the I'm used to being touched, being stroked by fingers and hands that roam without protest, without objection. When you are all you have to offer, you'll do anything, let anything be done to you ti survive.
If you want to judge me for that than go ahead, but it has gotten me through the past six..maybe, seven years out on the streets, on the highway, under bridges, in cheap hotel rooms..in the backseats of cars, the cabs of trucks. Rats have crawled on me while I've tried to sleep,. The stench of alcohol and urine filing up my nose, the clammy hands of men and women fumbling with my clothes, squeeze, pinching like they are picking fruit at a groscery. They pant and moan, tug my hair, do what they want, get what they need.. then shove some money in my hand or maybe just roll over and let me sleep next to them. Some buy me some food or toss some old clothes at me, when they've ripped mine to shreds.
And I lay there, or kneel there or whatever they want me to do.and I let them. Because it is all I'm good for. That must be the case, I'm sure my parents agree. Not that I have ever heard them say that. No, they just left me one day, just left me by the side of the road
I thought they would come back, i waited so long for them to come back.
They never came back, at least not before the man in the station wagon pulled over. Told me he'd take me to them, said he'd buy me a hot meal. Well, one ut of two isn't bad. And all I had to do while I sat there next to him in the booth at the restaurant was lie and say he was my dad.
Lie. eat my sandwich, drink my glass of milk and let his hands wander under the table and then take my hand and ,,well,, I think you know. . Oh and try not to cry, or puke.
No, I'm not crying now a bug just flew in my eyes. That was a long time ago and I've done and seen and heard so much worse.
I've watched men, women, kids, shudder and convulse after they shove a needle in their arm or snort powder up their nose. I've watched blood spurt out their mouths and noses. Watched them flail about in their own vomit. Watched some of them go completely still and stop breathing.
I've handed people those same drugs,or weapons they are not supposed to have. Just so I could have a warm bed or a hot meal without, at least for that night, having to squirm on someone's lap or underneath them as they gag me with their mouth and tongues.
And I've heard the bang and thud of shots fired by guns I put iin people's hands.
See my hair, It's as black as the void in my heart. Those streaks are as red as the blood on my hands.
And I'm ok with that, because I lived.
I've lived to watch people like you walk past me, pretend you don't notice. Like you're walking past me now, all of you drooling at that sea of neon around you, hear you laugh and joke about all the money you're going to win, the shows you're going to see. The woman and men you're going to screw.
That's okay, walk right past, I don't beg for anyone, I know if I wait long enough, someone will invite Cheri out of the cold..out of the alley...or they'll just grab me, take me, do what the want, get what they need.And toss me right back out into the cold and filth. It will be worth it, if they just give me a place to sleep, a but if food, maybe even some cash.
But maybe someone will offer me more, maybe someone will see me a s a way to make them money, or gain them some advantage. And 'I'll do whatever they ask., let them use me how and why they want.
Becasue this the City of Sin...and noebody sine like me.
So cold.
My denim jacket isn't thick enough to keep the cold from sneaking through the holes in my tee-shirt and brushing against my skin, a caress of ice that wanders wherever it wants chilling my veins with every breath I take. But the I'm used to being touched, being stroked by fingers and hands that roam without protest, without objection. When you are all you have to offer, you'll do anything, let anything be done to you ti survive.
If you want to judge me for that than go ahead, but it has gotten me through the past six..maybe, seven years out on the streets, on the highway, under bridges, in cheap hotel rooms..in the backseats of cars, the cabs of trucks. Rats have crawled on me while I've tried to sleep,. The stench of alcohol and urine filing up my nose, the clammy hands of men and women fumbling with my clothes, squeeze, pinching like they are picking fruit at a groscery. They pant and moan, tug my hair, do what they want, get what they need.. then shove some money in my hand or maybe just roll over and let me sleep next to them. Some buy me some food or toss some old clothes at me, when they've ripped mine to shreds.
And I lay there, or kneel there or whatever they want me to do.and I let them. Because it is all I'm good for. That must be the case, I'm sure my parents agree. Not that I have ever heard them say that. No, they just left me one day, just left me by the side of the road
I thought they would come back, i waited so long for them to come back.
They never came back, at least not before the man in the station wagon pulled over. Told me he'd take me to them, said he'd buy me a hot meal. Well, one ut of two isn't bad. And all I had to do while I sat there next to him in the booth at the restaurant was lie and say he was my dad.
Lie. eat my sandwich, drink my glass of milk and let his hands wander under the table and then take my hand and ,,well,, I think you know. . Oh and try not to cry, or puke.
No, I'm not crying now a bug just flew in my eyes. That was a long time ago and I've done and seen and heard so much worse.
I've watched men, women, kids, shudder and convulse after they shove a needle in their arm or snort powder up their nose. I've watched blood spurt out their mouths and noses. Watched them flail about in their own vomit. Watched some of them go completely still and stop breathing.
I've handed people those same drugs,or weapons they are not supposed to have. Just so I could have a warm bed or a hot meal without, at least for that night, having to squirm on someone's lap or underneath them as they gag me with their mouth and tongues.
And I've heard the bang and thud of shots fired by guns I put iin people's hands.
See my hair, It's as black as the void in my heart. Those streaks are as red as the blood on my hands.
And I'm ok with that, because I lived.
I've lived to watch people like you walk past me, pretend you don't notice. Like you're walking past me now, all of you drooling at that sea of neon around you, hear you laugh and joke about all the money you're going to win, the shows you're going to see. The woman and men you're going to screw.
That's okay, walk right past, I don't beg for anyone, I know if I wait long enough, someone will invite Cheri out of the cold..out of the alley...or they'll just grab me, take me, do what the want, get what they need.And toss me right back out into the cold and filth. It will be worth it, if they just give me a place to sleep, a but if food, maybe even some cash.
But maybe someone will offer me more, maybe someone will see me a s a way to make them money, or gain them some advantage. And 'I'll do whatever they ask., let them use me how and why they want.
Becasue this the City of Sin...and noebody sine like me.
Last edited: