The worst genie ever

Congrats you are now Batman, as we killed your parents in an alleyway...... your journey can now start.

I wish for a kitty
 
Granted! But a month after, another dangerous disease comes around, and it starts back up.

I wish for real strawberry cheesecake. (loophole)
 
Granted! It's Procreate but you have to watch the whole of Never Gonna Give You Up every time you open the app.

I wish for a kitten that screams its head off all day, literally.
 
Congrats, the kitten is dead after the first time. You kitten killer.

I wish for a kitty scratching post
 
Granted! The kitty rips the post apart and goes back to scratching you. Double ouch.

I wish for a blueberry pie that punches you when you cut into it.
 
The blueberry pie punches you when yo try to get a slice. You are now dead.

I wis for an indestructible kitty scratching post
 
Granted! The indestructible kitty scratching post kills your kitty as soon as it touches it.

I wish for curtains. Just curtains.
 
Granted! You got The Monster Book of Monsters. And as a bonus, you get a belt to belt it shut so that it won't snap at you.

I wish for SCP-294.
 
Granted! LaZaRBeAm now exists. It turns out to be the name of a new company that manufactures printers. I guess having a LaZaRBeAm printer would be kinda cool though.

I wish to be reborn every time the genie ends up killing me.
 
Every time the genie kills you, you are reborn..... however, being reborn means you are a baby each time and must grow into your current age. Have fun with multiple puberties.

I wish for a bunny.
 
Granted! You get a bunny! (I don't want to do anything to ruin bunnies. That would be way too cruel. I say when I just asked for a kitten that screams its head off.)

I wish to never grow old, even as the world around me changes.
 
Granted, you never got the chance to grow old because we buried a beautiful young corpse.

I wish for the number 4 to remain exactly the way it is.
 
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Granted! 4 remains the exact same. But 3? Oh man, 3 is now 5. But wait! 5 is now 2 and 2 is now 15 and 15 is now pi and pi is now 1 and so on until all the numbers are changed to strange and, in many cases, unknown values save for 4. 4 remains exactly the same. Mathematics as we know collapses. And if Mathematics collapses, so to does physics followed shortly by chemistry and so on until all the math based sciences, of which there are numerous, shatters. Uncountable years of advancements fall away in the blink of an eye. But the number 4 remains exactly the way it is.

I wish to be gone with the wind.
 
Dangit Lila you beat me by like 1 second! Granted! The world of Middle-earth is now at peace.

I wish for a poisonous apple.
 
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