The worst genie ever

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but the puppy has an awful temper and kills half the people you love

I wish for apple juice.

 

[~Nemo~]

(Got to make sacrifices for the things you want)
Granted, but it's just an apple sitting in a glass of water.
I wish for a Ceasar salad.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but the dressing tastes like rotten pork.

I wish Papa Franku would sell physical albums of Pink Season

 

[~Nemo~]

Granted, but the audio is muffled and very soft.
I wish for the dressing to not taste like rotten pork.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but now it tastes like Arizona tea that sat on your desk for three weeks.

I wish that we had a purpose in life.

 

[~Nemo~]

Granted, but that purpose is to have no purpose in life.
I wish for some Arizona Tea.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but the Arizona tea is $2 a can now.

I wish for five spheres of lead that are about 2 inches in diameter each.

 

[~Nemo~]

Granted, but they are explosives.
I wish for world understanding.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but the world is more awful than you thought, causing you to sink into depression.

I wish for a really big tomato.

 

[Crim]

Granted, but it's so big it's gone off before you can enjoy it.

I wish for a friend for Kevin the blobfish.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but the friend is an escaped Russian prisoner that teaches him to deny authority.

I wish for hummus.

 

[Korruption]

Granted, but dog poop has been sitting in it for the past hour.

I wish for purple carrots

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but they are poisonous carrots.

I wish for a really anticlimactic result of this wish.

 

[Asmith]

granted.









I wish for employment for my father.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but please look at the rules on page 1, and your father is employed as a janitor for the rest of his life.

I wish for a kitten.

 

[Raemy]

Granted, but it hates you.

I wish to be immune to all diseases.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but you become extremely physically weak as your body focuses on your immune system.

I want to now all 23 flavors of Dr Pepper

 

[Raemy]

Granted, but now the CEOs of PepsiCo have put a hit out on you.

I want to meet Socrates.

 

[Imperatus Rex]

Granted, but he is dead and you are just meeting a decomposed corpse.

I wish for a nice ceramic bowl.

 

[FadedAlphabet]

Granted, but it's cracked and will break as soon as you touch it.

I wish I could save 15% or more on car insurance.